It's Not Your Fault
Chapter 7
“Mom?” I asked quietly.
The bright lights of the hospital hurt my eyes. Outside the large picture window, I could see the skyscrapers of Manhattan spread out before us, little moving specks of light all leading to the bay, now black to reflect the sky.
And my mood.
Sofia was perched on the edge of a plastic chair facing the window, her eyes glazed over. Her face was expressionless as she watched life go on outside my mother’s 30th-floor hospital room. I wondered what she was thinking.
I gently touched my mom’s hand. It was icy. I was scared to look at her face, in case I saw something there I didn’t want to see, but I looked anyway. Her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, in an almost ghostly way. I felt an involuntary shiver go down my spine. I ignored it and reached forward to brush a strand of brown hair away from her face. She stirred slightly, making me jump. Her eyelids fluttered, and I caught a glimpse of her eyes—an unexpected gray-green. Those eyes were so familiar, and yet so strange to me. I noticed the circles around her eyes were much darker than usual, her skin sinking in between her bones, as if there was nothing underneath to hold it up. My eyes trailed down, to where my mother’s hospital gown met the startlingly white sheets. I knew that under those sheets lay her frail body, so much skinnier than it should be. I tried to remember when she had started losing weight. It was a while ago, I knew, a very steady decline in her health…
My train of thought came to a screeching halt when I heard the door open. I spun around so fast that I cracked my neck.
“Hey,” Evan whispered gently, tiptoeing into the room and shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible. He pulled two chairs up to the bed, made me sit down, and then sat himself. Sofia looked away from the window long enough to acknowledge Evan, then returned to her blank staring. Evan and I sat there, gazing thoughtfully at my mom.
“Hey, Patel…how weird is this? For once, your nickname doesn’t apply.” Evan pointed playfully to himself. “ER isn’t in the ER for himself!” He smiled weakly, trying his best to make me laugh. But when I simply looked at him, he gave up, and we went back to sitting quietly.
“Evan?” I said after the silence became too much for me to bear.
“Yeah?” he replied, his eyes now on my face.
“Thanks.” I kept my gaze on my mom.
“C’mon, Danielle.” I hadn’t heard him call me by my full name in ages. I looked at him, slightly surprised. “Do you really think I’d let you come here alone? My best friend, in her time of need. No way.” He reached over and rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. I smiled.
“You’re the best, Ev.” I scooted my chair over so I could lean my head against his shoulder.
“Um…Dani?” Evan asked tentatively.
“Mhmm?”
“What did…er…why is…what happened to your mom?”
I tensed. When Fia and I came bursting through the ER doors, the doctors had refused to tell us anything. Sofia blew her top. I could still hear her shouts ringing in my ears…
The bright lights of the hospital hurt my eyes. Outside the large picture window, I could see the skyscrapers of Manhattan spread out before us, little moving specks of light all leading to the bay, now black to reflect the sky.
And my mood.
Sofia was perched on the edge of a plastic chair facing the window, her eyes glazed over. Her face was expressionless as she watched life go on outside my mother’s 30th-floor hospital room. I wondered what she was thinking.
I gently touched my mom’s hand. It was icy. I was scared to look at her face, in case I saw something there I didn’t want to see, but I looked anyway. Her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, in an almost ghostly way. I felt an involuntary shiver go down my spine. I ignored it and reached forward to brush a strand of brown hair away from her face. She stirred slightly, making me jump. Her eyelids fluttered, and I caught a glimpse of her eyes—an unexpected gray-green. Those eyes were so familiar, and yet so strange to me. I noticed the circles around her eyes were much darker than usual, her skin sinking in between her bones, as if there was nothing underneath to hold it up. My eyes trailed down, to where my mother’s hospital gown met the startlingly white sheets. I knew that under those sheets lay her frail body, so much skinnier than it should be. I tried to remember when she had started losing weight. It was a while ago, I knew, a very steady decline in her health…
My train of thought came to a screeching halt when I heard the door open. I spun around so fast that I cracked my neck.
“Hey,” Evan whispered gently, tiptoeing into the room and shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible. He pulled two chairs up to the bed, made me sit down, and then sat himself. Sofia looked away from the window long enough to acknowledge Evan, then returned to her blank staring. Evan and I sat there, gazing thoughtfully at my mom.
“Hey, Patel…how weird is this? For once, your nickname doesn’t apply.” Evan pointed playfully to himself. “ER isn’t in the ER for himself!” He smiled weakly, trying his best to make me laugh. But when I simply looked at him, he gave up, and we went back to sitting quietly.
“Evan?” I said after the silence became too much for me to bear.
“Yeah?” he replied, his eyes now on my face.
“Thanks.” I kept my gaze on my mom.
“C’mon, Danielle.” I hadn’t heard him call me by my full name in ages. I looked at him, slightly surprised. “Do you really think I’d let you come here alone? My best friend, in her time of need. No way.” He reached over and rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. I smiled.
“You’re the best, Ev.” I scooted my chair over so I could lean my head against his shoulder.
“Um…Dani?” Evan asked tentatively.
“Mhmm?”
“What did…er…why is…what happened to your mom?”
I tensed. When Fia and I came bursting through the ER doors, the doctors had refused to tell us anything. Sofia blew her top. I could still hear her shouts ringing in my ears…