Agony
Like Slow Spinning
Someone brushed against me, sending me into a car nearly, out of the way. They kept walking, not aware of their actions.
And I watched Oliver. No longer heading towards me, but to where I had just been standing. Someone else was standing there now, tears running down her face.
They matched my own.
They matched his. Now that he had given up, the salty water spilling down his cheeks.
It was in that short frame of time I saw the two of them that I knew they were in love. I knew because of the way he smiled, crying at the same time with the look in his eye that said there was no where else he’d rather be then right where he was standing.
And I could name that look because I had received it so many times before. So many times when I was the one he came to, the one he was in love with.
Five years changes people.
But it didn’t take him five years to fall out of love with me.
My legs froze, not allowing me a single step while people flurried around me, trying to get to their destination. My only destination was back into his arms, even if I would have never admitted that until the very second I laid eyes on him, just moments ago. It was after months of wallowing post-breakup that I had decided to stick up my middle finger and decide that I didn’t want to even think about someone who could abandon me, while I would have done anything to keep him around.
His arms wrapped around her, their embrace something I couldn’t call familiar anymore. Their affection second to none. Affection hadn’t been a part of my life since the day he left. I tried my best to convince myself I was happy that way. Happy that I was alone with no one to love me, no one for me to love.
And they stood there, in the middle of the crosswalk while people scooted around them, displeased by the roadblock but in too much a hurry to actually ask them to move out of the way. They were happy there, standing with inconvenience and the biggest smiles on their faces. He brushed a tear from her face. She smiled, kissing his chin and looping her arms around his body.
They were in love. And something about the way he looked at her - the way he looked at her so much differently than he had me - told me that he wasn’t going to leave her. No, this was his catch. And he was going to hold on to her for as long as he could.
That’s how Oliver loved. When he found what he wanted, he would not let go, for the life of him.
I guess I wasn’t what he wanted.
And I guess he hadn’t seen me.
And I watched Oliver. No longer heading towards me, but to where I had just been standing. Someone else was standing there now, tears running down her face.
They matched my own.
They matched his. Now that he had given up, the salty water spilling down his cheeks.
It was in that short frame of time I saw the two of them that I knew they were in love. I knew because of the way he smiled, crying at the same time with the look in his eye that said there was no where else he’d rather be then right where he was standing.
And I could name that look because I had received it so many times before. So many times when I was the one he came to, the one he was in love with.
Five years changes people.
But it didn’t take him five years to fall out of love with me.
My legs froze, not allowing me a single step while people flurried around me, trying to get to their destination. My only destination was back into his arms, even if I would have never admitted that until the very second I laid eyes on him, just moments ago. It was after months of wallowing post-breakup that I had decided to stick up my middle finger and decide that I didn’t want to even think about someone who could abandon me, while I would have done anything to keep him around.
His arms wrapped around her, their embrace something I couldn’t call familiar anymore. Their affection second to none. Affection hadn’t been a part of my life since the day he left. I tried my best to convince myself I was happy that way. Happy that I was alone with no one to love me, no one for me to love.
And they stood there, in the middle of the crosswalk while people scooted around them, displeased by the roadblock but in too much a hurry to actually ask them to move out of the way. They were happy there, standing with inconvenience and the biggest smiles on their faces. He brushed a tear from her face. She smiled, kissing his chin and looping her arms around his body.
They were in love. And something about the way he looked at her - the way he looked at her so much differently than he had me - told me that he wasn’t going to leave her. No, this was his catch. And he was going to hold on to her for as long as he could.
That’s how Oliver loved. When he found what he wanted, he would not let go, for the life of him.
I guess I wasn’t what he wanted.
And I guess he hadn’t seen me.