Phrases Left On Paper

Those few short days were just that: short. One week felt like only a few hours, and it could have been because Alex was the only one of the guys I saw everyday. The explanation for that though was simply that he refused to leave the library when I was there and the others didn't seem to want to come in, not wanting to have to be there if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I couldn't find a reason to complain though. The two of us spent most of the quiet days reading as he hid behind the desk with me and held my hand with the one of his that wasn't turning pages. Plus, when Rian got home, we were all together until the day they left. This was mostly by my request. I knew things would be crazy when they came back for those three days before leaving once again.

So when they were back that time, I didn't hesitate to invite them to Daniel's birthday party. In all actuality, it was me dragging them along so I wasn't stuck around Hadley and Marshall's families with no one but the little boy to talk to while my best friend was busy with the guests. They all didn't seem to mind, just glad that Alex and I were back together and they didn't have to lie to him. Like the carnival we had gone to in the winter, I was more than pleased that I was with all of the guys along with my best friend and her son. This was my family, without anyone blood-related even remotely near. They were much closer to my heart than my family had ever managed to be.

I woke up late the morning they were leaving for California. The other side of the bed was empty, the top sheet tangled only around me and the others still wrinkled from the body that had been on it, but I knew I wasn't alone in the room. I could hear Alex moving around in the bathroom, getting ready for his flight and finishing his last minute packing. Every once in a while, I could hear him come back into the room to shove something into his suitcase and he'd brush my leg as if to make sure I was still there and he wasn't just dreaming. With his pillow under my head, I hardly wanted to get up even though it meant getting to be with him these last few minutes. It only took a few more minutes of thinking of him actually being near before I sat up.

Automatically, I pouted as I stretched my arms out in front of me and worked the joints. All but one of his bags were already packed, sitting at the end of the bed. Just a reminder that we wouldn't be together too much longer yet again. "I missed too much of the morning," I pointed out when he emerged from the bathroom once more.

Alex grinned at me, changing his course when he saw I was finally awake. He sat on the other side of the bed where he had slept, lying back down and pulling me down with him. "You're too cute when you're asleep. Why would I dare do such a think as to wake you up?" he questioned.

I smiled at him and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him toward me. Our lips met and I felt his other arm go around me to pull me into him. This was a mistake, a potentially big mistake. But only because I didn't want to let him go. If all went well, there would never be a real mistake between us again. "I'm glad it's you that has to leave this time, but I'm not sure how I feel being the one trying to persuade you to stay with my lips," I told him when I pulled away, my breath short. Only being an inch or so apart, I could tell his wasn't in any better shape.

He chuckled, kissing my forehead. "I think you're doing a fabulous job at it, if it's any consolation," he assured me. He lay his head back on the pillow, letting me hover over him. "I wish you could come. We're going to be in so many beautiful places. It sucks knowing the most beautiful thing is still here in Maryland." He did a good job of copying my pout.

With a sigh, I let my head rest on his shoulder and my nose ran up his jawline. I wouldn't correct him that I was nowhere near as beautiful as the countries they would be visiting. I kissed his earlobe, keeping my lips there. My body lay across his, locking him in place for the time being. I usually worried about my body weight crushing him, but I didn't care today. I wanted him here forever.

We lay there for what was probably too long. I knew he and Rian had to go and I was the one that had to go with them to the airport to meet with up with the others so I could bring Alex's car back. That fact made it slightly harder to find the will to get up and get dressed. I knew I would be an emotional wreck, though I would hold it in. I would want to stay and would probably even consider getting on the plane with them with nothing with me. I was impulsive when upset. The latter wasn't possible though and it would probably just hurt to stick around to watch them leave.

After a lot of thinking and making myself sad before anything even happened, I pushed myself up and off of Alex. I grabbed my jeans from the floor, pulling them on before rummaging around in his drawers for a different shirt to wear. I tried not to look at him again sprawled out on the bed as I made my way into the bathroom, knowing I would probably backtrack. Successfully, I made it in and changed my shirt and brushed my teeth and hair without getting distracted.

He was grinning at me when I emerged again. "So you're the one who stole half of my shirts?" he asked, sitting up when I sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm surprised you haven't noticed before this," I stated, letting one arm snake around his waist and the other meet it around the front of his torso. I was back to never wanting him to leave. "My closet has been full of them since Christmas. They have a bad habit of not hiding themselves."

He chuckled as he kissed my hair. "I've been blaming and bitching at Jack for that for months," he admitted.

There was a knock on the door then, Rian poking his head in seconds later. He was obviously only there for one reason, and it made my stomach drop without hesitation. He announced that it was time to go when he saw we were both awake, confirming my suspicions. Alex pulled me up, leading me out his door behind Rian as he grabbed his bags with his free hand. Slowly, he and I made our way to the car where Rian was already waiting in the backseat.

Alex drove and the two boys talked of how excited they were to get back to the record and all the things they were going to do in the next few weeks. I tried not to listen. Though I was happy for them, I tried to make Maryland passing out the window more interesting. I simply wanted to go with them, not to be stuck in the library for the next two months when the weather would be so beautiful. The option was unavailable to me though. I couldn't be too attached to these boys when it always led me down the wrong path and I couldn't just leave while I had responsibilities here.

I walked into the airport with them, my fingers entangled with Alex's. I had never been in an airport, not even when they left the last time. So I caught myself marveling at all the people bustling around. Matt found the three of us and led us to the others. Already too far in like I didn't want to be, I didn't object when Jack jumped up and stood on my opposite side with his arm around my shoulders. I was still distracted by all the activity, so it was a few minutes before I remembered that I should be leaving.

My arm went around Jack's torso, squeezing him from one side in a hug. He hugged back, knowing I was saying goodbye and ruffled my hair as he pulled away. I tugged on Alex's hand and he automatically put his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck, breathing in deeply and trying to not make it sound hitched. This wasn't as tough as I had thought. My eyes were dry and I managed a smile when I pulled my head back and kissed him. "I love you," I whispered when we broke apart, and I turned to the others again. "Bring me back something French."

Several of them opened their mouths to be the logical ones and make the promise. Jack was still quicker. "Hey, that's my favorite movie," he scolded, his eyes narrowed at me.

I chuckled. "And yet, I'm the one quoting it. What's that say about you?" I questioned mockingly. He continued to glare as I said goodbye to everyone, but didn't object to the final hug I gave him. I ended with Alex, kissing and holding onto him for probably much longer than necessary. The smile was still on my face though when I walked away from them, glancing back and waving to them over my shoulder with a last I love you to all of them.

The weeks passed without them, and I was stronger than I would have thought. All of my habits were changing, it seemed. I was also willing to give credit to all the years I had spent without the boys I loved so much for helping with this. When they came home this time, I wouldn't be gone and wouldn't hate them for the distance I put between us. And I wasn't completely absent of them. That would have been impossible with how close we all were. We still talked, still saw each other through camera lenses. Not everyday, not even with Alex. But it was enough for all of us to forget about being apart.

I wasn't keeping myself cooped up in my apartment, either. My best friend was no longer consumed with her search for a home, so we could take Daniel to the park during all of my free time. Since Hadley was continuing with school for a couple extra years, her summer was free until she found herself a job. Besides getting to be with my best friends' family, I was over at Alex and Rian's, playing with and taking care of the dogs. Beautiful weather and a beautiful state of mind. They were both in my life, and both exactly what I needed at this point in time. It was nice to know that I was no longer going crazy.

I wasn't the only one that noticed. Again, I was slightly guilted by affecting everyone else, but it didn't keep me down for long.

"I'm really glad to see you glowing again," Hadley stated beside me as she was lightly pushing her son on the swing.

I was on the swing next to Daniel, admiring his toothy smile and his youthful laugh. I looked up at Hadley just in time to see her grinning widely at me before she looked back to the little boy. "I'm glad it's making everyone else feel better," I pointed out, wrapping both hands around the chain closest to her. I leaned my forehead against it, thinking of how good things were actually going. It was hard to keep track of my happiness when it was happening. I was glad that it was back in action again.

She pushed Daniel higher, earning a high-pitched laugh. "I don't want to say, 'I told you so.' But, I told you so," she stated, peeking at me from the corner of her eye. I wouldn't scoff. She was absolutely right. I was always my best when it came to those boys. "So, when do they come back?" she questioned, scooping Daniel off the swing when he came back down. They giggled together before I answered.

"Two weeks, for like a day. But after that, they'll be home for a few weeks," I replied brightly as she led the three of us to a vacant bench. "Not too bad, but still much too long." I was good at contradicting myself in a matter of seconds, like I had always been. That didn't mean that I was even upset about the remaining days until I was in a flurry of boys again. It would all fly by like nothing, and then I would probably get too much of each one of them. "I haven't seen much of Marshall lately. How is he adjusting to our home state?" I inquired, pulling one leg up as I sat down next to her so I could watch my nail polish sparkle away in the sun.

With a sigh she clearly tried to cover up, Hadley let Daniel down off her lap. He ran off, taking to the slide that all the other kids were on. He was much better at making friends than I was at that age. "He likes it," she answered a bit morosely. "He likes the reason behind why we chose here, and he really doesn't mind being in Maryland at all. It's the fact that he's used to the busy streets and can't get over that that was where he had planned to stay. But then I came along and informed him that he had a kid," she explained, still keeping her head high as she watched the little boy laugh and play.

My eyebrows pulled together for a moment, confused by what she was really saying. But my expression quickly changed to one of understanding, and I slid closer to her to put my arm around her shoulders. The best friend moments like this had been very limited in the past year. She was always so sure of everything, ready to make the sacrifices that needed to be made. She was always the one trying to reassure me that I had done the right thing. It was odd having the roles reversed. "Honey, you know that he doesn't really care about not being in New York anymore. Sure, it's not as eccentric down here. But he loves you, and he loves Daniel. If he really doesn't like it here -which I'm sure he probably loves it, because who couldn't?- he'll let you know, and you can talk about it. I know he doesn't resent you for anything. I don't think there could be a more perfect couple out there," I told her, hugging her to add emphasis to my point.

This wasn't just me stating what I thought were true points. Just because I hadn't seen Marshall, didn't mean I hadn't talked to him. I knew exactly what he was planning, having my own little part in it. He wasn't intentionally keeping his distance from Hadley. He was just trying to get everything worked out until it was as perfect as things could be, and then they would be inseparable.

It seemed my comforting had worked, because she was smiling lightly when she turned to me. "I can think of one. But I'll admit Marsh and I are a close second," she insisted, shoving me to the side playfully.

I snorted. "Me and Alex?" I asked, just to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting. She nodded, raising her eyebrows as her smile grew. "We're far from perfect." There was no denying that, looking back at just the last few months alone. "Maybe you should pick Ron and Hermione if you won't claim your prize," I said, getting my chance to push her back as she laughed at my choice of a cartoon couple.

For a while, we argued about couples that may be better than animated characters. The only thing that we could agree on was that relationships in movies and television were written to avoid perfection. And neither of us could think of one in real life that came close. So we could also come to the same conclusion that life wasn't about excellency. Things worked out the way they were meant to, with mini disasters when they were supposed to happen.

Both our lives had ended up this way. We had reached good points, but would never call any of this perfect because of the events that had led here. I was the anti-social freak who had turned everyone away from getting too close until I had certain people in my life and I made negative assumptions multiple times a day. She was the girl that got pregnant almost right out of high school and was too scared to tell the father until the option very nearly wasn't one anymore. We didn't even want to question a possibility that idealism was a real thing for either of us. Even if we reached it, we couldn't and refused to forget about all those other things.

With all that was in our pasts, things were looking up for our futures. Our presents weren't too shabby either, as I pointed out with a cheerful tone. Though she had begun this conversation with doubts about what was truly going on in hers, she wasn't one to disagree with this.

"How'd we get so lucky?" I asked, looking from her to the playground once again. Daniel was finally done playing, running toward us now. He squeezed in between Hadley and I, putting each of his little hands in one of each of ours. "Alex and Marshall were made for us. And this little guy," I reached over with my other hand to tickle Daniel, "is the light of the whole wide world!"

My best friend grinned at us, nodding vigorously and leaning down to kiss her squirming son's head repeatedly as he giggled. "That, he is!" she exclaimed. "And the luck -the luck was just how it was all supposed to work out."