Phrases Left On Paper

"I am so ready to get this over with," Hadley sighed happily. She ran her finger along the final fold in a paper, making sure it would stay put when left alone. Her smile was almost blinding as she shoved the few pieces of folded paper into a plain envelope.

I closed the thick book I had been reading in my lap, pushing it onto the pillows on the couch beside me. My gaze flickered briefly to Daniel playing on the floor, almost as a reflex reaction just to make sure he was still there. Hadley's motherly instincts had worn off so much on me. Once I was sure he was fine, my eyes were back on her in a questioning expression. "What are you talking about?" I asked, my eyebrows pulling together, my eyes watching her stick the envelope in her bag.

"I'm talking about a certain boy finding out about another certain boy," she replied and winked in her son's direction. The young boy went on pushing his trucks along the carpet, oblivious to the fact that he was being talked about.

"Is that a letter to who I think it's to?" I demanded, placing my palms against the cushions on either side of me, preparing for an answer to confirm my suspicion. Hadley nodded vigorously, her grin widening perceptibly. "You're going to tell Marshall?" I shrieked with pleasure, launching myself off the couch.

Daniel finally looked up, apparently startled by the outburst. His toys dropped form his hands, but Hadley was there automatically to pick him up and let him know that everything was okay. More than okay, if you asked me. She nuzzled her nose in his hair, the exact same shade of brown as hers, before kissing his head.

I smiled at the two of them, unable to hold back the joy at the love they had for each other. The image in my head was even better. One with an addition, the final and best one to their little family. The father to the little boy, ecstatic to learn that he was unknowingly part of something so great. I severely hoped that would be the outcome, anyway.

"So," my best friend said, dancing in place with Daniel on her hip. She was trying to put off whatever it was she was about to bring up, and I could tell that it wasn't about the same subject we had been rejoicing over just seconds ago. My reaction was what she was so obviously worried about, and that was exactly how I knew. "Why aren't you going to go with the guys for the fall?" she questioned, still hesitant with her words. She was perfectly justified in her actions.

I huffed angrily and balled my hands into tight fists before throwing my arms over my head. "You're joking, Hadley!" I wanted to yell, but I kept my voice somewhat level. I didn't need to scare Daniel again. "Did one of them convince you to ask me this, or are you acting on your own?" This subject had only turned into a joking matter on my part when the guys brought it up. This was the first time Hadley had mentioned it, and it was certainly different.

She sighed heavily, carrying Daniel into the kitchen. I followed after, listening to her speak. "They didn't want me to say anything, actually," she told me while she sat down, keeping the little boy on her lap. Surely as a deterrent so I wouldn't want to attack her if it came to it. "I was talking to Rian, he brought it up, but was very clear that they didn't want me to push you on it. So you haven't yelled at any of them about it? What makes me so different?"

Her tone automatically made me feel guilty. Briefly, a flash of a memory from so long ago. The only other time we had gotten into a real fight. I slowly felt this progressing toward the same outcome. "Because what you say influences me so much more than what they say, than anyone else. You've been my best friend for so long. I'm sure that even if we didn't talk for months or years, your opinion would still matter most when we got reacquainted," I explained. All the truth. It was a stressing topic that she couldn't figure it out already. "I have to fight you on it because I don't want you to persuade me to go." I leaned against the counter, facing away from the chilly day outside the window.

Hadley let her son off her lap finally, noticing he'd clearly much rather get back to his toys. He ran off without a second thought and disappeared back into the living room. My best friend sighed, never taking her eyes from the spot we'd last been able to see him. "I'm glad to understand, but it still irritates me. Anything that has to do with them, you argue with me about. You know I just want you to be happy, Clarke, and I know that they have made you happy since the moment you let them," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't think I have to remind you about all the times I've been dragged to each of their shows here. They will never not be a part of your life."

I cringed slightly at the tone her voice had suddenly taken on. She was throwing this at me, and I was sure she wished it was a physical object so that maybe I'd actually get knocked out. Her point wouldn't hit me either way. "Why are you so set on getting me to go?" I inquired, standing up straight. I no longer needed the support. "There's nothing here I need to get away from. School is my major priority right now. I'd like to finish in May, when I'm supposed to. And everything around here is more important than running off for two months just because you want me to be happy!" The yelling I had wanted before wasn't contained this time. I growled in frustration and stomped to the living room immediately. I managed a small smile as I ruffled Daniel's hair before grabbing my coat and heading out the door.

I took the stairs, still too angry and filled with emotion to stand idle in the elevator. My arms slipped into the sleeves of my jacket as I went along, and I zipped it the moment I was out the door.

Miraculously, my phone was in the back pocket of my jeans instead of setting on some table in the apartment. I pulled it out as I walked down the sidewalk. It only took a matter of seconds to find the number I wanted and even less before it was ringing. I wanted the sneer that was more than likely visible on my face to be apparent in my voice.

"I hate you, so much," I practically snarled the moment the other person's greeting was out.

They weren't able to respond for a minute, which was exactly what I wanted. "Is there really a reason this time, or is it just another irrelevant thing like the past three years?" Alex asked, trying to sound like he found humor in my claim. The facade wasn't very strong. I could tell he might just be worried about this.

"Maybe. But why don't you just tell me if it means anything?" I suggested. I ducked into the door closest to me, happy that I'd gotten to the coffee shop so quickly. The mood didn't last longer than fifteen seconds as I continued scolding Alex. "Rian told Hadley about you guys demanding that I come on tour with you. I'm not serious about the subject anymore but I have to be now, and I'm seriously pissed."

It was possible that I wasn't using the right words. And maybe I should have been yelling at the boy named Robert Rian Dawson. He wasn't who I had called though, he wasn't the one I wanted to scream at. It had been so long since my vocal cords had spit out anything louder than regular speaking to Alex. It hadn't felt good then -it had been the worst, most terrible feeling- but it certainly felt good right now.

I threw myself into an over-stuffed chair, earning pointed looks from the boy behind the counter for not ordering anything. My glare right back forced him to turn away and pretend to forget about me sitting here. I pressed the phone to my ear more tightly in anticipation of just exactly what I would get in response to my blowup.

"Where are you?" he asked after a minute, letting it ride off the sigh he had let out.

I pulled the phone away to stare at it for a minute, only allowing the screen to light up briefly before setting it back against my ear. "In New York..." I answered a bit hesitantly, trailing off in confusion. Where did he expect me to be?

Alex actually chuckled, and I imagined him shaking his head. "Well, obviously. But we are, too." I blinked in surprise. "You called me in the middle of a photoshoot. Jack's free though. Where exactly are you?" he inquired again.

A few seconds passed while I absorbed the shock of his news. But now that I had let them back in, it wasn't so bad they were here in my city. I was more upset that I hadn't been previously aware that they were. Once I had given up on astonishment, I told him where to send Jack. He made a promise that the other boy would be there in five minutes. I sighed when he hung up, taking the phone from my ear a final time and touching the red button at the bottom of the screen to end the call.

I was still receiving dirty looks from the kid handing out drinks, so I got up and finally ordered to make him happy. As I was handing over my money, someone put his or her arm over my shoulders. I didn't have to look over to know it was Jack. The height difference I sensed gave him away.

"Would you like anything, sir?" the boy asked Jack rudely as he took my money.

I considered telling him that I was in here at least once a day, so he should acquire a nicer attitude for me and anyone with me. But I decided against it and just pulled Jack to the end of the counter without waiting for change.

"Why exactly did I have to come down here?" he questioned once we were idle, never removing his arm from me.

I rested my hands against the cool marble and looked up at him. "I was hoping you could tell me that. Alex was too busy for me to yell at, but I'm sure it wasn't too much of a task to just put you on the phone."

"Instead of forcing me to book it over here," he added, interrupting me and stealing my words. "Did you just say you were yelling at Alex? Please, don't tell me I'm the replacement for that." He took his arm back now and crossed it over his chest with the other, clearly ready to be upset if I contradicted his words.

His expression made me giggle. I grabbed my drink as soon as it was set in front of us and towed him behind me back to the seat I had occupied earlier. He sat next to me, perching on the edge of the couch rather than settling into the cushions like me.

"Jack, relax," I soothed, placing my hand on his shoulder. Gently, I pulled him back until the tops of his shoulders were resting against the back of the couch, a quarter of the way down. "I promise that I won't scream at you. I'm not so angry anymore." It was going to be a pleasant time going back to Hadley now that I'd lost my momentum, I thought.

"Can I ask you why you were so pissed in the first place?" he asked, eliminating the need for another question.

I nodded, letting him know it was perfectly fine to ask. Then I continued on about the entire afternoon. How Hadley bringing up the tour turned everything into a hellish prospect. A frustrated noise escaped me, thinking again about going home to deal with the fight she thought was still happening. Going with the boys was suddenly starting to look better and better. I certainly wasn't going to tell my current company that.

"Thanks for coming, Jack. Even if it wasn't really necessary," I said instead, pretending like I hadn't just caused the confused look on his face with the noise I made.

Jack's expression changed quickly and he shrugged. He sat up so he wasn't practically lying on the couch anymore. "We're still friends, Clarke. I still care enough that if someone tells me to run to you, I'm fucking running." He gave me a crooked smile, patting my knee.

I beamed at him. Words were failing me on how specifically to show my gratitude. I threw my arms around him, fearing that I might just cry if I didn't say anything soon. He didn't need to see me shed tears over something so simple.

His arms automatically slid around my torso, compensating for the pressure I was giving.

We shared a few words about how we were both glad to be reunited before pulling apart. I offered to get him his own coffee, and he accepted with a grin. When I sat back down, I leaned my head on his shoulder. He put his free arm around me, embracing me like he used to all those years ago. That period of time was slowly coming out from the dark cave I'd shoved it into. I spent the rest of the afternoon listening to him talk about the three years we had been apart.

As I walked home through the sparsely crowded sidewalks, looking up at the darkening sky, I thought about the entire day. Though I had been livid just hours ago, I hadn't even remembered by the time the others joined Jack and I. We didn't stick around at the coffee shop. They dragged me to some bar I had never been brave enough to enter. Like most places, they felt perfectly at ease while we sat and ate cheap, greasy food. It didn't take long for me to pick up the same attitude.

I found the apartment dark when I opened the front door, which I hadn't expected. Usually, Hadley would be typing away while she sat at the table and Daniel would be curled up on the sofa, watching cartoons and drifting off every now and then. Since the light-streaked sky had just given way to the black of a city-starless night, I was assuming that would be the scene I was walking in on. In retrospect, Hadley was more than likely still brooding over what I had already gotten over.

After I shed my coat and kicked off my shoes, I had a plan to settle in my favorite chair and just wait for her to return from wherever she was and I would apologize the moment she walked through the door. As I went to sit down though, I heard something coming from down the hall. I changed direction and peeked around the corner to peer down the shadowed hall. There was no light underneath the door, but the sounds were definitely coming from Hadley's room. Against my better judgement, I followed them and went right to her door.

I regretted turning the knob the moment the door was wide enough for me to see the bed. The sounds I had heard was giggling and, though Daniel was not here, my best friend was not alone. I spun around and slammed the door behind me. My hand slapped over my mouth as I leaned against the wood, doing nothing to stop my own laughs. My eyes were wide with humorous glee as my mind replayed what I'd just accidentally witnessed.

There were a few curses thrown around inside before Hadley yelled, "It's all right, Clarke. You can come in."

I thought about asking if she was sure, but my curiosity got the best of me and I reentered. I smirked at the two of them, illuminated by the newly lit lamp. "Hi, Marshall. Nice to see you again... with a shirt on." No need to add that the hastily pulled on shirt was backwards or that his belt was only in one loop of his jeans.

Marshall lifted a hand in greeting concisely. He looked back at Hadley. "Uh, I'll call you later?" he told her a bit unsurely. He leaned over the bed to reach her and kissed her quickly. He was passed me and out the door within sixty seconds of me coming back in.

I gave Hadley a close-lipped grin while we listened to him leave. She looked down at her knees hidden by the sheet almost as if in shame. Her smile was too large to conceal to pull it off.

"So you gave him the letter," I stated rather than asked. It was too obvious to avoid. For the moment, she didn't seem to remember that she was supposed to be upset with me -for both the fight and now walking in on them. I took the advantage and sat on the empty side of the bed. I crossed my legs and faced her in anticipation of her explanation.

She nodded slowly, not bothering to reply vocally. Once she grew uncomfortable under my stare though, she broke. Everything that had happened since I'd stomped out flowed from her lips with ease. She had planned on waiting to deliver the letter until after their class tomorrow. But I had made her so frustrated with my decision that she didn't want to wait even less than twenty-four hours. If I wasn't going to do something to make me happy, then, by God, she was going to do something to make herself happy.

I let her continue on even after that remark. The things I could have said in reply surely would have brought the argument back to the surface and it would have automatically forced her to stop her story. I was too drawn in now for that to happen.

Hadley told me she had left only minutes after I had. Another close friend of hers -sometimes, ours- lived nearby, and that was where Daniel still was. After she dropped him off, she went on with her mission and was knocking on Marshall's door so soon she thought she would get nauseous from going so fast.

"I stood there, staring at my feet the entire time he read it," she said. "When he finally looked up, there wasn't any confusion or anger, and you know those were the two big ones I was worried about. He just smiled at me. I took it as an okay to throw my arms around him and hug him like I'd never hugged anyone." She sighed -so content I wished I could capture it for myself- and rolled her eyes up to look at the ceiling.

I couldn't look at her with the full smile people would normally assume. It just wouldn't be enough for how I was really feeling. I gazed at her with complete adoration, underlined by only a fraction of envy. Everything that I had pictured just this morning was coming true for her. She was putting her family together. And I was just her best friend, still alone and on the sidelines. I would just have to get over that for my best friend to be in the best spotlight that she deserved.