Status: Semi-active. :]
All the Time I Can Steal
Letter.
It’s amazing how you can go through life and think you know someone. And then, one day….they’re different. =
Maybe I should give a little introduction, or maybe it doesn’t matter. Because….you know me.
Or at least…you used to.
I’m stuck here. Well…kinda. I’ve moved, but I’m still…mentally stuck there. I’ve moved to Boulder. I know I said that I planned on moving to California or New York…but Colorado is my home. I’ve missed seeing you around, but I do run into some of our old friends.
They ask me about you. About us. I have to fake a smile, and take a sip from the Starbucks cup that is in my hand. “We’re fine.” I lie. “He’s touring so we don’t get to talk much.” I hate lying, but it’s better than telling the truth.
Better than realizing that you really didn’t want this. That you didn’t want to be with me that way anymore. It hurt, but at least-to your credit-you were honest. I have to admit, that I don’t listen to you and Kyle that often. It’s just gotten too hard.
I still wear the sweatpants you left at my house when we were seventeen. Even though I could’ve brought them by your place, I at least want to have more than just pictures. The summer we met was an intense one. I was going through so much, and you wanted to have fun. I still love dance parties, even though they make me think of you.
We had so much fun that summer, and you made me forget all the bad. We were the matching puzzle pieces to each other. You were the only one who had only ever asked only one thing from me….to be there for you too. And I did so gladly. We had never talked before that, even though we had gone to the same school since we were ten. And soon, everyone thought we were together. I know we laughed it off, but deep inside it’s what we each wanted. So finally, Amie decided that we needed to play truth.
That game told me so much about other people. Most of which I didn’t care to know. But many people dropped out, and soon it was just us three. She told you to tell us who you liked, and you muttered, “Bee.” My eyes widened and you looked up, and gave me your adorable half smile. She then told me to go find the one that I liked. When I stood up, I saw the hurt in your eyes, but the smile on your lips was so much nicer when I sat down next to you. Amie then got up and left us alone.
“You like me?” you asked me softly. I couldn’t help the grin that was spreading. “Yeah. I like you.” You grinned and lent in and gave me a soft kiss.
That. THAT made my summer worthwhile. We then stayed cuddled together for a few hours, and ended up falling asleep. I still laugh when I see the picture of us, sleeping on the ground, curled up in each other.
That’s what I miss the most. I just miss your arms around me. I could always sleep best when you held me, but I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I was twenty.
That day is so vivid, it still scares me. I came home from work, all set to cuddle with you on the couch, order take out and watch T.V. Just like we did every Thursday night when you weren’t on tour. But this time it was different. You weren’t smiling and waiting for me as I walked in the door. In fact, you weren’t happy to see me at all. I gave you a confused look, and I know this because I saw my reflection in the mirror.
“David?” I asked softly, fearful of what you were going to say. I thought it could’ve been Johnny again. But it was far worse. “We need to talk.”
Seriously…you couldn’t’ve thought of a less cliché thing to say? But I couldn’t ask you that at the time. I sat on the couch, my eyes searching yours. “I’ve been thinking, and I just….maybe we should take a break from each other. Just for this tour, and then see what happens when I get back.” I felt tears come to my eyes, and even just thinking about it made them come again.
“Do you still love me?” you looked down and I nodded, your lack of comment confirming my worst fears. “Can I at least ask you one last question?” you nodded and I took a deep, shaky, breath “Did you ever love me?” you thought a second and then replied, “I’m…I don’t know.” I nodded and got up, grabbing my purse and walking out that door.
You probably never knew where I went. Well I’ll tell you. I didn’t go to a bar, or a club, or some random party. I went to see Johnny. He saw me crying and made his girl friend leave. Then he held me. He held me as he watched my heart shattering over and over again by your words. When I finally went back to the apartment, you had gone on tour. At least you left me a note saying you’d call me.
That had to be the one time I have ever ignored your call. Probably because you haven’t called since. I miss your voice most days. But it’s been getting better. The last thing I want, is to be able to act like this meant nothing to me. That you meant nothing, because I’m not that good of a liar. But you hurt me. I guess now you’ll know. You’ll know because hopefully when you get this letter, you’ll actually read it. That you won’t just throw it away because it’s from me. I haven’t asked anything from you in almost a year and a half. But I’m asking you just this one thing.
Remember me and the time we spent together. That summer may be just a distant memory to you, but god it’s everything to me. It’s when we finally decided that we wanted the same things. And that was to be with each other.
I still love you.
You still have my heart.
Love,
Bee.
Maybe I should give a little introduction, or maybe it doesn’t matter. Because….you know me.
Or at least…you used to.
I’m stuck here. Well…kinda. I’ve moved, but I’m still…mentally stuck there. I’ve moved to Boulder. I know I said that I planned on moving to California or New York…but Colorado is my home. I’ve missed seeing you around, but I do run into some of our old friends.
They ask me about you. About us. I have to fake a smile, and take a sip from the Starbucks cup that is in my hand. “We’re fine.” I lie. “He’s touring so we don’t get to talk much.” I hate lying, but it’s better than telling the truth.
Better than realizing that you really didn’t want this. That you didn’t want to be with me that way anymore. It hurt, but at least-to your credit-you were honest. I have to admit, that I don’t listen to you and Kyle that often. It’s just gotten too hard.
I still wear the sweatpants you left at my house when we were seventeen. Even though I could’ve brought them by your place, I at least want to have more than just pictures. The summer we met was an intense one. I was going through so much, and you wanted to have fun. I still love dance parties, even though they make me think of you.
We had so much fun that summer, and you made me forget all the bad. We were the matching puzzle pieces to each other. You were the only one who had only ever asked only one thing from me….to be there for you too. And I did so gladly. We had never talked before that, even though we had gone to the same school since we were ten. And soon, everyone thought we were together. I know we laughed it off, but deep inside it’s what we each wanted. So finally, Amie decided that we needed to play truth.
That game told me so much about other people. Most of which I didn’t care to know. But many people dropped out, and soon it was just us three. She told you to tell us who you liked, and you muttered, “Bee.” My eyes widened and you looked up, and gave me your adorable half smile. She then told me to go find the one that I liked. When I stood up, I saw the hurt in your eyes, but the smile on your lips was so much nicer when I sat down next to you. Amie then got up and left us alone.
“You like me?” you asked me softly. I couldn’t help the grin that was spreading. “Yeah. I like you.” You grinned and lent in and gave me a soft kiss.
That. THAT made my summer worthwhile. We then stayed cuddled together for a few hours, and ended up falling asleep. I still laugh when I see the picture of us, sleeping on the ground, curled up in each other.
That’s what I miss the most. I just miss your arms around me. I could always sleep best when you held me, but I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I was twenty.
That day is so vivid, it still scares me. I came home from work, all set to cuddle with you on the couch, order take out and watch T.V. Just like we did every Thursday night when you weren’t on tour. But this time it was different. You weren’t smiling and waiting for me as I walked in the door. In fact, you weren’t happy to see me at all. I gave you a confused look, and I know this because I saw my reflection in the mirror.
“David?” I asked softly, fearful of what you were going to say. I thought it could’ve been Johnny again. But it was far worse. “We need to talk.”
Seriously…you couldn’t’ve thought of a less cliché thing to say? But I couldn’t ask you that at the time. I sat on the couch, my eyes searching yours. “I’ve been thinking, and I just….maybe we should take a break from each other. Just for this tour, and then see what happens when I get back.” I felt tears come to my eyes, and even just thinking about it made them come again.
“Do you still love me?” you looked down and I nodded, your lack of comment confirming my worst fears. “Can I at least ask you one last question?” you nodded and I took a deep, shaky, breath “Did you ever love me?” you thought a second and then replied, “I’m…I don’t know.” I nodded and got up, grabbing my purse and walking out that door.
You probably never knew where I went. Well I’ll tell you. I didn’t go to a bar, or a club, or some random party. I went to see Johnny. He saw me crying and made his girl friend leave. Then he held me. He held me as he watched my heart shattering over and over again by your words. When I finally went back to the apartment, you had gone on tour. At least you left me a note saying you’d call me.
That had to be the one time I have ever ignored your call. Probably because you haven’t called since. I miss your voice most days. But it’s been getting better. The last thing I want, is to be able to act like this meant nothing to me. That you meant nothing, because I’m not that good of a liar. But you hurt me. I guess now you’ll know. You’ll know because hopefully when you get this letter, you’ll actually read it. That you won’t just throw it away because it’s from me. I haven’t asked anything from you in almost a year and a half. But I’m asking you just this one thing.
Remember me and the time we spent together. That summer may be just a distant memory to you, but god it’s everything to me. It’s when we finally decided that we wanted the same things. And that was to be with each other.
I still love you.
You still have my heart.
Love,
Bee.
♠ ♠ ♠
new story. I told you the person, maybe you got it? who knows. tell me your thoughts?