Status: Complete
Her First
Girlfriend
I first met her in grade five. I wasn't one of the popular girls. In fact, I had no friends at all. It was the year I first learned about bullying. But this girl, she was differant. She wasn't popular either. She was an outcast the same as me. I am not sure how but we started talking and we stayed together every day after that. She was there for me when no one else was. She was the person I could tell everything to and trust more than anyone. We were best friends.
I never did view her as anything more than friends. It was a wonderful conincedence that she lived down the street from me. I walked to her house and she would walk to mine. We were always together. People even started mistaking us for sisters. We attended the same junior highschool. And that is when things changed.
She made new friends. It was something I had never been good at my whole life. The next two years our friendship broke more than once. We had a bond though since the moment we met and that never broke. No matter what happened between us I was still connected to her. I still loved her like a sister and I knew that would never change. It did never change no matter how badly she would hurt me.
I soon realized that this girl had a need to be popular. She would do whatever it took to do exactly that. None of her friends ever liked me. She would distance herself from me at school. I would wave to her in the hallway and she would ignore me. Her friends would be making fun of me and to my horror she would join them. But when we were alone it was differant. She would tell me I was paranoid and that she cared about me very much.
By our second year of Junior high she found an older girl to be friends with. I guess she thought that it was the most amazing thing in the world because this time it was worse. She did the same things she used to. She only liked me in private but in school she was willing to make fun of me to be popular. It hurt alot. I cried myself to sleep so many nights. One day that older girl tied me to a tree and hit me with sticks just because she simply didn't like me. I had never done anything to her at all yet she continued to torture me. She even broke my school ID card. And the whole time, my "friend" stood at her side, watching. Now you are probably wondering why I didn't just leave her. In fact, many people including her asked me that. I never had an answer. When friends had hurt me in the past I let them go very easily. But this girl was differant for some reason. I just could not let her go. It was becuse of that bond. We were always meant to be together.
It was the summer after my second year that we repaired our friendship. Our third and last year I was assigned in a certain group of students. I switched my group to be close to my friend. About two weeks into my classes I met someone new. She was bi-sexual at the time. I had never heard of this before. It made me wonder what it was like for a girl to be attracted to another girl and how you knew if you were bi? It quickly lead to me developing feelings for my friend. She was beautiful, still is. And she was the person I had a bond with, the one who was there for me so long ago. The one that I always loved no matter what. The one I told my secrets to and ran to when I had a problem. She was the person I had a strong connection with and I soon developed a crush on her.
About a month later we were playing video games in my house just like any other normal day. She knew I liked someone so she kept trying to guess who it was. "I've named all the boys we know!" she exclaimed, finally giving up. She didn't know that it was a girl who I liked. Soon after I started asking her questions like "Would you kiss a girl for practice?" It slowly lead up to me admitting that I might be Bi. I asked her if she could ever be Bi and she said maybe. I asked if her I came out as Bi, would she come out with me? She said yes. Then I asked her if she would go out with me and she agreed. I had my first girlfriend. I was happy.
It was all really scary though too. I had never had a problem with gay people but now when I realized I liked girls it was no longer okay. My only other friend who was a boy was very supportive of me and it did not take long for me to feel comfortable with my sexuality. But this girl was having more difficulty than I was and it worried me. I wanted to kiss her but she told me I had to take it slow.
We had a sleepover for her birthday that February. We had been dating for two weeks. It was me and another girl spending the night. That girl was supposedly both of our friend so we trusted her and told her we were dating. I kissed my girlfriend's cheek but not her lips. Our first kiss would not happen for months. That so called friend did tell alot of people and soon everyone knew I was bi. People who didn't hate me now had a reason to, and the people who did hate me hated me even more. But it didn't matter because I still had my girlfriend.
A week later we were breaking up. I knew she was having trouble with all of this. "You still want to be a couple, right?" I had asked her.
"Well, not really until the rumors stop," she answered.
"But you shouldn't listen to them. It's not like they can prove it. I don't want to lose you."
"Well, I don't need this right now," she sighed. "You're not losing me. I'm still your friend, your sister, you're everything. You're still my best friend no matter what."
"I know but-"
"It's only for a while."
"I just don't want to take a break," I protested. "I care too much."
"It's only for now. I love you too," she promised.
A month later she told me she was not Bi after all. She said she didn't like girls in that way. She said we would never get back together and we would just be friends. I believed her.
Three months later I had her sleep over my house. I was determined that my first kiss would be with her. She was my best friend and it made sense. We were fooling around with differant poses and taking pictures of ourselves. Eventually I asked her if she would pose kissing me. I assured her no one would have to see and that it was just for fun. Honestly, I still have that picture.
We got into the same high school. Soon my feelings were returning. I started saying how good I could treat her and how no one would have to know that we were dating. Eventually she said yes. She slept over my house again and I kept asking for a kiss. She refused and finally broke up with me. I was devastated and spent a long time crying. It was new year's eve and I was still crying when the year changed to 2009.
Soon after she started acting like she always does when she gets new friends and I left to be home schooled. I could no longer deal with the bullying. I had come out at the end of our third year in Junior High as Lesbian. It was really a difficult thing for me to do but with the support of that one other friend I did it. I accepted myself. My family accepts me for who I am for the most part. After our long journey together me and that friend have grown apart. We rarely talk anymore. I thought nothing would ever keep us apart but it has. I blame myself partially for pressuring her to date me. But I am thankful that she was in my life to help me and be there when I needed her most. I wish things didn't turn out like they did. I miss her and I love her. I will always have a bond with her. It's just the way it is. And now I finally do feel confident with who I am. I date other people and look forward to finding my soul mate some day.
I never did view her as anything more than friends. It was a wonderful conincedence that she lived down the street from me. I walked to her house and she would walk to mine. We were always together. People even started mistaking us for sisters. We attended the same junior highschool. And that is when things changed.
She made new friends. It was something I had never been good at my whole life. The next two years our friendship broke more than once. We had a bond though since the moment we met and that never broke. No matter what happened between us I was still connected to her. I still loved her like a sister and I knew that would never change. It did never change no matter how badly she would hurt me.
I soon realized that this girl had a need to be popular. She would do whatever it took to do exactly that. None of her friends ever liked me. She would distance herself from me at school. I would wave to her in the hallway and she would ignore me. Her friends would be making fun of me and to my horror she would join them. But when we were alone it was differant. She would tell me I was paranoid and that she cared about me very much.
By our second year of Junior high she found an older girl to be friends with. I guess she thought that it was the most amazing thing in the world because this time it was worse. She did the same things she used to. She only liked me in private but in school she was willing to make fun of me to be popular. It hurt alot. I cried myself to sleep so many nights. One day that older girl tied me to a tree and hit me with sticks just because she simply didn't like me. I had never done anything to her at all yet she continued to torture me. She even broke my school ID card. And the whole time, my "friend" stood at her side, watching. Now you are probably wondering why I didn't just leave her. In fact, many people including her asked me that. I never had an answer. When friends had hurt me in the past I let them go very easily. But this girl was differant for some reason. I just could not let her go. It was becuse of that bond. We were always meant to be together.
It was the summer after my second year that we repaired our friendship. Our third and last year I was assigned in a certain group of students. I switched my group to be close to my friend. About two weeks into my classes I met someone new. She was bi-sexual at the time. I had never heard of this before. It made me wonder what it was like for a girl to be attracted to another girl and how you knew if you were bi? It quickly lead to me developing feelings for my friend. She was beautiful, still is. And she was the person I had a bond with, the one who was there for me so long ago. The one that I always loved no matter what. The one I told my secrets to and ran to when I had a problem. She was the person I had a strong connection with and I soon developed a crush on her.
About a month later we were playing video games in my house just like any other normal day. She knew I liked someone so she kept trying to guess who it was. "I've named all the boys we know!" she exclaimed, finally giving up. She didn't know that it was a girl who I liked. Soon after I started asking her questions like "Would you kiss a girl for practice?" It slowly lead up to me admitting that I might be Bi. I asked her if she could ever be Bi and she said maybe. I asked if her I came out as Bi, would she come out with me? She said yes. Then I asked her if she would go out with me and she agreed. I had my first girlfriend. I was happy.
It was all really scary though too. I had never had a problem with gay people but now when I realized I liked girls it was no longer okay. My only other friend who was a boy was very supportive of me and it did not take long for me to feel comfortable with my sexuality. But this girl was having more difficulty than I was and it worried me. I wanted to kiss her but she told me I had to take it slow.
We had a sleepover for her birthday that February. We had been dating for two weeks. It was me and another girl spending the night. That girl was supposedly both of our friend so we trusted her and told her we were dating. I kissed my girlfriend's cheek but not her lips. Our first kiss would not happen for months. That so called friend did tell alot of people and soon everyone knew I was bi. People who didn't hate me now had a reason to, and the people who did hate me hated me even more. But it didn't matter because I still had my girlfriend.
A week later we were breaking up. I knew she was having trouble with all of this. "You still want to be a couple, right?" I had asked her.
"Well, not really until the rumors stop," she answered.
"But you shouldn't listen to them. It's not like they can prove it. I don't want to lose you."
"Well, I don't need this right now," she sighed. "You're not losing me. I'm still your friend, your sister, you're everything. You're still my best friend no matter what."
"I know but-"
"It's only for a while."
"I just don't want to take a break," I protested. "I care too much."
"It's only for now. I love you too," she promised.
A month later she told me she was not Bi after all. She said she didn't like girls in that way. She said we would never get back together and we would just be friends. I believed her.
Three months later I had her sleep over my house. I was determined that my first kiss would be with her. She was my best friend and it made sense. We were fooling around with differant poses and taking pictures of ourselves. Eventually I asked her if she would pose kissing me. I assured her no one would have to see and that it was just for fun. Honestly, I still have that picture.
We got into the same high school. Soon my feelings were returning. I started saying how good I could treat her and how no one would have to know that we were dating. Eventually she said yes. She slept over my house again and I kept asking for a kiss. She refused and finally broke up with me. I was devastated and spent a long time crying. It was new year's eve and I was still crying when the year changed to 2009.
Soon after she started acting like she always does when she gets new friends and I left to be home schooled. I could no longer deal with the bullying. I had come out at the end of our third year in Junior High as Lesbian. It was really a difficult thing for me to do but with the support of that one other friend I did it. I accepted myself. My family accepts me for who I am for the most part. After our long journey together me and that friend have grown apart. We rarely talk anymore. I thought nothing would ever keep us apart but it has. I blame myself partially for pressuring her to date me. But I am thankful that she was in my life to help me and be there when I needed her most. I wish things didn't turn out like they did. I miss her and I love her. I will always have a bond with her. It's just the way it is. And now I finally do feel confident with who I am. I date other people and look forward to finding my soul mate some day.