How Do We Pick Ourselves up Now?

Sometimes when you do a lot of thinking for something really big and important, things are thrown your way. They give you every reason to do whatever it is, or not to do something. I had spent the passed three days being blasted and blasted with thoughts of finding Oliver. Every inch of my brain was plagued with thoughts of him, and if he really wasn't doing that well.

This morning when I turned the television on, it just so happened that Oliver was being interviewed on the music channel. I had watched as his once average body slithered in with bones and skin. I watched his sunken eyes wander around as he was asked questions about the band and his life.

'What has your personal life consisted of in the passed four years?' the man had asked. I looked back at Oliver to see him take a deep breath. 'Well, really. Everyone knows tha I got marri'd an I dunno I mess'd tha'p an I avn't seen 'er since. Otha than tha pretteh shittey.'

I had stared at the screen with widened eyes. He had been so out of it, slurring his words in parts. He had once been so perfect, and now three years later he appeared to be dying slowly. My throat began closing in on itself as I tried to eat the sob that threatened to explode from my inner core. I turned the television off just as Daniella came out into the living room, it was then that I'd leaped from the couch with a vicious cry.

For the rest of the day I stayed in my room with the door locked. Every moment when I would close my eyes flashes of his face replayed over and over. Regardless of him hurting me emotionally, it seemed like I hurt him in both ways. This was his way of trying to feel, alive.

I jumped off of my bed, quickly smearing makeup onto my face and brushing my hair. The show had said that the boys would be home due to the cancellation of the rest of their tour, so this is where I'd made my decision. I grabbed a couple of my things, and Davey's bag.

I ripped my bedroom door open, going into Davey's to grab him and his seat for my car. I carried him and the two bags I had for the two of us, storming passed Daniella and the guys who all had bewildered looks across their faces.

"Amelia! Where you going?" Daniella exclaimed.

I looked up at her as I shoved my feet into my footwear. I didn't even respond to her as I tore the door open and ran down the hallway. The elevator came just as I got to it conveniently.

Once I was in the underground parking I darted to my car, placing Davey and his car seat into the backseat of the car. It was as if I was on fast forward, because I was in the car with everything on and pulling out of my parking space in seconds.

Hours passed, and I didn't feel an inch of tiredness rushing through my body. Davey had fallen asleep hours ago, and it was now or never that he would meet his dad tonight. I looked up at the familiar house and drove up the driveway. Turning the car off and sitting for a few minutes.

With a loud sigh I opened the door, and got Davey out of the backseat. I looked at his sleeping face and closed my eyes. Now or never.

My small hand knocked on the hard door, stinging only slightly. I heard some stumbling around and coughing before the door opened up to reveal Oliver. His mouth was opened slightly, and his eyes looked tired. His boxers hung off his hips and the black shirt he was wearing was slightly lifted.

"Oli," I whispered.

His eyes snapped to look at me, and into my eyes. His hand ran through his overly long hair, and he yawned. I watched him carefully, trying to figure out if he was drunk or even high.

"Oli," I said more forcefully.

"Oh god Amelia," he said before suddenly falling forward.