Behind Closed Doors

Some say it was the sandy beach. The way the sand goes through between their toes.
Some say it was the sunset. Waving goodbye to their seemingly never-ending story.
He says it was the way her skin glitters. The way the wind swept her hair away.
The smiles. The laughs. The awkward endings.
And he couldn’t believe the fact that she is his.
Almost lost in his trance when their lips finally touched.
Lost in a kiss, not full of lust, not hurried.
A soft kiss, which was a different one for him. But it send him shivers, urging for more, noticeable by the way his arms circles around her hips.
And the three words threatening to escape his lips.

Paul’s POV

I will never admit it.

Ever. Ever

Okay, you’ve got to say it sometime.

Shut up, those sickly sweet stuff are for pussies.

And you are—

Certainly not one.

Right. But since no one else’s around… Why don’t you try and say it?

Fine.

I, Paul Sanders the second, am in love with Alana Andrews.

I closed my eyes, “Oh my god,” I muttered, this isn’t happening.

Of course I am already familiar with all the ‘imprinting’ thing. It happens. Love happens, and it’s on the very first sight. I knew I love her then, but the realization just hit me now. And it hits me hard.

Every time I close my eyes, her face is all I see. I love everything about her, her smile, her hands, her body, the way she arched an eyebrow when somebody teases her about her height, the way her body feels when she’s on my back wanting a piggy-ride, the way she acts around the boys –like they’re her family, the way she talks to me.

Oh, and what do you get from exclaiming your love to a girl you only knew for within a month. And we’ve only been together like, for, 2 and a half weeks.

2 weeks and 4 days

I’ve gotta stop being such a pussy, goddamnit.

“Paul!” a voice made me raise my head, “hey, there you are man! I thought I would find you here,”

“Hey Sam,” I grunted, going back to my leaning position against the rock as he sat beside me, “What’s up? Any leeches lurking around?”

He laughed, “why so tense, brother? You’ve been panicking too much lately.” Sam lifted a tiny piece of rock from the ground and kept it on his hand in a tight grip. “So? Talk.”

I debated with my own thoughts, should I or shouldn’t I? I looked to my left on his direction and gulped as I saw him opening his hand and the rock that had been there is replaced by sand, it flew freely with the cold wind. Naw, that kind of guy wouldn’t understand love. Heck, Sam’s a guy who crushes rocks, he wouldn’t understand. I don’t understand! I should ask Jacob but the kid would probably fuck with me. And if you think about it, Sam’s the only one who has a steady relationship.

“It’s about Alana,” I nodded glumly.

Sam rolls his eyes, “Of course it’s about Alana, dweeb. You have this look when it comes to girls, and even more when it comes to Alana. Main problem please,”

I grinned at him, “Wow, you’re a lot more sensitive than what people think Sammie. You should like, start a romance hotline or something,”

He gave me a stern look which would make anyone cringe, “don’t make me change my mind, wolf.”

“Okay,” I held my hands up in defense. “Straight to the point, so, okay, um” I gulped, this is harder than I thought. This stuff is for girls, dude! Guys are supposed to be out hunting and catching bad guys and stuff, not bonding. “So…” I look nervously at Sam’s waiting expression, and I give up. “So, turns out I love her.”

Sam blinked, “And?”

That sets me off. “What the flying fuck, man?!” I nudged him hard on the arm. “I just exclaimed to you about my fucking feelings,” I said the word with disgust, “And that’s all you have to say? Feelings! God!”

“Well yeah,” he only shrugged at my breakdown, “it’s only natural. See, we’re wolves and we imprint. And if it happens, we fall in love. It’s normal, Paulie.”

“Yeah, well…” I ran a hand over my hair, panting. “What will she think, man?” eventually I admitted with a weak voice, “what will she do when I finally told her how I feel? You know girls, they’re complicated. I mean, we’ve only been together for 2 weeks (and 4 days…!!) How am I going to do this?”

Sam stood up, and looked at me. “Then what are you waiting for?”. I gave out a ‘huh?’ and he lifted me up. “Alana’s not like other girls you slept with, right?”

“Of course not, Sam. She’s—“

“What are you going to say? That she’s the best thing that had happened to your life?”

“Possibly, but I—“

“Then you go tell her how you feel. She’ll understand and love you back. You two had been annoyingly close together and all of us could see that bond you two have with you. If I didn’t meet Emily, I don’t know where I’ll end up. And if I had to think about how I’m going to lose her, how I’ll never going to have her if I don’t tell her how I feel? It’ll kill me, man. So just push away your fear and tell her.”

I blinked. “Wow Paul, you know what—“

“JUST—“ Paul’s eyes widen, “Just do what you have to do, okay?? What? Did you lose your dick or something?? GO!”

I snickered in response and ran to the direction of Alana’s house. But after a few steps, I turned around, “Oh hey Sam, about that hotline thing…”

He growled in response.

“I’m kidding!” Laughing, I spun my head back and ran. Here we go.

***

“Hey!” Alana greeted me and kissed me on the cheek when she noticed me jogging to her pathway. “What are you doing here?”

I almost thought that I wouldn’t be able to talk with all the feelings and ramblings on my chest, “I, I, we –um, is your dad here?”

“Him? No,” she shook her head, still smiling. “He’s off at Jacob’s. Something about hanging with Billy and the rest of the guys. So…” she held my hand, swaying it, “want me to make you anything?”

It took me everything not to take a lunge and just kiss her at the right moment. She looked so adorable, beautiful even. With her tired face still smiling and drops of water falling off the edge of her bangs because of the rain earlier. “No, I…” I clenched my jaw and encouraged myself, “I want to talk to you about something.”

The smile she had disappeared, “w-what?” she took her hands away, “did I do something wrong?”

“Oh!” I realized how badly that had turned out, “No! No! God, no. It’s not anything like that, Al. It’s not bad… I think?”

She keeps looking at me with an unsure expression, her eyes catching the glimpse of the sunset behind me, hidden away through the trees. I gulped, twitching. This is so harder than I thought. The touch of her hand on my shoulder made me open my eyes. I looked at her curiously while she simply smiled, “then say what you want to say, hun. If you say that it’s nothing bad then… just go spill the beans!” I gulped again, making her laugh, “god, it’s not like I will run away or something.”

You don’t say.

“I-I’m in love with you,” I stuttered out. And it’s not a quiet word either, it came loud and clear despite the slight error. I mentally slapped myself in the head. Great. This is so not what I was hoping to do. I tried to avoid her stare, but I figured that I can’t so I looked back at her straight in the eye. It was the wrong move for both my ego and my cocky-self. Her face is blank, with wide eyes.

I feel my hope went past me as her hands dropped to her sides. My first instinct was to grab them and hold each one on my bigger hands. When she still didn’t move I almost killed myself running out of air in my chest. I looked down, now afraid of meeting her gaze and I let go of her hands. “Please,” I whispered, “please say something.”

When she didn’t, I held back a frustrated grunt. I could feel my insides churn and my body trembling. I’m going to change. And this won’t be good on her since she’s the reason for my frustration. Holding back the pain from my chest I turned away and started walking defeatedly, thinking that nothing could stop me from the mess I would be making.

But she did.

Alana touched my back, making me turn around and looked at my pained expression. She pulled me lower and cupped my face with her small tender hands, “say it,” she whispered.

“What, Alana?” I said hoarsely, unappreciating god’s funny idea of turning the weather to the same color as my mood. It’s starting to rain again.

“Say that you love me,”

“Alana, don’t” I warned, trying to pull her hands away.

“Just say it, Paul.”

“What do you want it for, Alana!?” I exploded with anger, unable to block it out. “what, to mock me? To make fun of me? Do you know how hard is it for me to admit it to you?? And if this is how you’d respond I know I shouldn’t bother the first time goddamnit! Why do you want it now?” I huffed, my face filled with anger and I don’t care how hurt she looked when I force her hands away. But something on my chest said otherwise, I do care. And I realized I won’t ever stop loving her, looking at her condition --all wet because of the newly shown rain. She looked so small and helpless. “I love you, Alana.” I croaked out. “I love you that it hurts me so much and I can’t help it. I don’t know what you’re doing to me and I can’t stop it. I – I just, I’m falling hard for you.”

I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down although I know I won’t do it. My body is still shaking, much worse now. I feel rejected, unwanted. I feel like filth. I feel like I belong on the bottom of the deepest ocean where nobody would find me. Where nobody wants me. So you could only imagine the surprise when I feel the presence of her arms around my neck.

I opened my eyes to see the famous breathtaking smile of her, and to see her closing the distance, sealing it into a kiss. I took a breath in surprise, but acting entirely on instinct, I kissed her back. I tried to tell her from it that I really meant what I said. We kissed like we needed each other to breathe. It’s intoxicating.

Then she finally pulled away and looked at me dead in the eye, a smirk tugging on her lips, “well… just making sure.” She winked.

“What?” I gaped and she giggled. “Oh, you.” I lifted her up and she circled her legs around my waist. “You are just so evil, aren’t you woman?”

“I know, I know,” she hugged me tight on the neck, “but I’m yours.”

“Damn right you are,” I pulled her back for a kiss. “Damn right you are.”

Some say it was the whole atmosphere. The way it only invites you to come more near.
Some say it was the moment of bliss. Not anything you want to miss.
He says it was the way they kiss, the way it tells that it’s worth every risk.
He says it was the girl he’d always miss, the way she claims that she was his.