"I love you, Adrienne..." "I love you too, Mike"

If two seconds ago I desperately wanted to open my eyes, I didn't want to anymore. I was scared. I didn't wanna hear what she would've told me, I didn't wanna see his words in her eyes.

Why had he gone away? Why didn't he stay with me? Didn't he care about me? After all, he said he loves me... then why he's not here?

Ok, Mike, relax now, take it easy...

Sounds easy.

Are you talking to yourself?

You talked to me first.

I am you.

Great, now I'm having a not so pleasant conversation with my own mind. I've officially gone insane.

Whatever, let's try to clean my mind. Let's think.

How can you clean your mind if you're thinking?

Oh, just shut up!

I can't, I'm your mind. If you're thinking, I'm talking.

Hey, you're right.

I know

Eh, well, as I was saying. thinking. Whatever..

So, I love Adie, she loves me back. That's one thing for sure. But Tre loves me too. That's a problem, it's getting me all confused. And this confusion makes me want to cut myself.

But you didn't in the end.

I know, I know, let me finish. I did because I jumped in surprise, otherwise I wouldn't have. Oh, and I thought Adie saved me, after all, it was her outside the door. But when I blacked out, I couldn't really make out who was carrying me here in my bed. Adie's strong, all right, but I doubt she could make it on her own.

Yeah, you're too heavy.

Thanks for remindind me.

Anytime.

I'll just ignore you.

Oh, yeah, you do that, but I'm your mind, remember?

As I was saying, I woke up and they were talking. About me. Now, my doubt is, who the hell saved me?!?

Ok, time to open my eyes and find out.

I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see anything. Everything was dark.

We have two options here, first: it's night. Second: they turned off all the lights and closed the windows.

I suppose it was night, so I closed my eyes again, and forced myself to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of coffee. I stood up, with the intention of going downstairs and see who did the coffee, but as soon as I was standing right, my head started spinning, and I fell back down on the bed.

Idiot, You've gotta wait when you've been lying for a long time.

Duh. Oh, well.

I tried again, and this time I managed to stay on my feet. I slowly walked towards the stairs, but found it difficult to get downstairs without my head spinning.

I managed to arrive alive, eventually. Opening the kitchen door, I welcomed the strong smell of coffee.

Sitting on a chair by the table, was my angel. My heart skipped a couple of beats, when I saw her, and another couple when I saw her face.

Her make up was all smudged with tears, some fresh, some not. Her eyes connected with mine, and I could read in that gaze the word why...

I was so afraid to answer that question.

I slowly walked to the table and sat down opposite her. I saw her eyeing my wrist, so I tried to hide it. I didn't want her to see me like this.

"Don't try to hide it, Michael."

Micheal, huh? So formal. See, Mikes, she saw what you've done to yourself and now she's gonna turn you down.

"Don't call me Michael, you know I hate it."

She just looked at me. And I just looked back.

"Why, Mike. Why did you do such a thing to yourself?"

"Listen, Adie..."

"No, you listen to me Mike. I can understand that you've been upset, with me marrying Billie instead of you, but I couldn't do anything else, got it? Our relationship has always been hidden, and always will be! We've been two cowards, not telling Billie from the start, and now we have to pay the consequences. I told you I still love you, I still fucking love you, and what do you do? You slit your fucking wrists! I can't understand why, Mike, even waiting to be with me could be painful to the point where you cut yourself!"

I was lost for words. Lost for words with anger rising in me. I've never been so angry with her since that day when she and Billie came to my house to tell me they were getting married.

"Now, who do you think you are?" I started, "Who the hell are you to tell me what I am, and what's my master plan?"

Nice Quote.

Thanks.

"Now, don't quote songs, Mike."

"It's the truth Adie, plain and simple as it is. You can't pretend to know everything about me, even if you still remain one of the few people who know me better. You know what, you're being selfish, thinking this was all about you. Well, I'll tell you this, NO, my world doesn't go around you only. I've got other people in my life, there isn't just you. If you didn't break in through that door, if you just gave me a minute, a single minute, I would have put down that goddamn razorblade, because the moment I picked it up I knew I didn't want to do it. But, no, you had to walk in as I was trying to put it down. It's not so easy, Adie, I was making a huge effort to throw it away, and I would have, if you hadn't come in. But you made me jump, and I cut myself. I didn't mean to, that's what you didn't understand. If I wanted to do it in the first place, it was not only because of you."

I made her cry. Oh shit, I made her cry. I hate to see her crying. It tears me apart, to see those angel eyes that broken. But she deserved it.

"Well, Micheal" she said with trembling voice. "If that's what you think... If you really think that I'm... selfish, as you called me. If you think that I think that you think you have only me..."

What the...?

"Well, you get what I mean, anyway." She continued, smiling in spite of herself. "If you really did think so, you were completely wrong. I know you well enough to know that you're an emotional guy. You don't look so, but you are. You're so sensitive you seem gay."

I glared at her.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against gay guys. I'm just saying."

"What's this got to do with it, now?"

"Nothing, nothing. I was just trying to tell you that... I care about you, Mikes. I don't want to hurt you. I did once too many times. But now that we've found each other again... I love you, and I don't want to loose you again."

For the second time that day, I was lost for words. And since I didn't have anything else to say...

"May I quote another song?" I asked.

She nodded, and I spoke. Not sang. Spoke. It makes you think more of the words and less to the tune.

"Now... I cannot speak. I lost my voice... I'm speechless and... redundant, 'cause..."

She finished for me, singing.

"I love you's not enough, I'm lost for words."

We smiled to each other, and hugged.

"I know how you feel." She said into my shoulder.

I hugged her even tighter, never wanting to let go.

"Will you ever tell me why you wanted to do it?"

"Not now. One day... maybe."

She nodded and kissed my forehead.

I got lost into those beautiful eyes and we kissed so passionately, like never before. And everything I could think of was... Tre... where is he, now?

Shit, what the fuck is wrong me?!? I'm kissing the love of my life and I think about Tre?

Oh, why did this happend to me? What can I do, I just want a normal life, is that too much to ask?

"What's up?" she asked me.

"Nothing."

"You're thoughtful."

"I know."

"You won't tell me." It wasn't a question. Seems like she understood me, in the end.

"Do you mind if I ask you to leave?"

"No, I understand. And I know you won't do anything else." She added smiling.

We kissed again, then she left me alone with my thoughts.

How can I know who's the one I love more? Now I know how Adie felt when she dated both me and Billie. You can't choose. I love them both.

NO! NO! NO! NO! AND NO!

I surely do NOT love Tre!! I've got Adie, I... I can't... be with him. It's not right. We can't fuck up the band. NO! That's not the reason, it's not right because you love ADIE!

Why life is so complicated?