A Little Piece of Heaven

I glanced at Johnny, and he grabbed my hand. Brian stood up facing my dad, and he was quickly followed by Zacky and Matt. Jimmy and John had stopped talking, and the room grew silent. I stepped toward my dad, much to the anger of many in the room. I looked back at Johnny, and I pulled my hand away from him.

"Dad," I said. "Can I talk to you out here?"

I pushed past him into the kitchen, and he stumbled after me. It was clear he had been drinking for a while, but I'd never seen him when he was drunk. I always assumed he was more violent, so I stayed away. I guess I was about to find out.

"I'm not a baby anymore, Dad," I said, turning to him. "I can do what I want."

"I'm still your dad, and I have a say in your life," Dad growled.

"No, you never did," I replied.

He grabbed my arm and set down the bottle of JB. I felt his grasp tighten on me as I tried to wiggle away. He pulled me closer, and I smelled the alcohol on him. I didn't like this. He seemed worse drunk. I should have known.

"I am your father," my dad hissed in my ear. "I will always have a say. I gave you life, and I can take it away just as easy."

"Dad, stop. I'm nineteen. You can't push me around like I'm-"

He practically threw me across the room, and I hit my shoulder on the counter as I fell to the floor. Okay. So he could push me around. Physically, but I could get him mentally.

"Stop!" I shrieked. I knew the others heard me, but I also knew Matt was holding them back and letting me figure things out by myself. "All my life, you've pushed me around like I'm a ragdoll. I'm your daughter! Don't you get that? You should be happy you could find someone like my mom to love you for this long. You're nothing."

I saw my father twitching angrily. He clenched his fists and took a step toward me as I stood up. He was furious. I grimaced, stumbling back as the pain in my shoulder increased. He took another step toward me. I braced myself as he grabbed a pot from the counter. He swung it at me, but I ducked. He tried again, but he hit the cabinet. I ducked behind him, dodging as he swung again. His anger was boiling over, I could tell, so I continued.

"I did nothing to you," I said. "I stood by, letting you beat me and shove me around. I didn't stop, and I didn't fight back. Until now. But you're so absorbed in your own reality that you can't see the gift you were given. I would kill to have a child of my own, but because of you I can never know the joys of parenthood. And you did, but you threw it away and punished me for it. Why? Dad, why?"

Dad charged at me, dropping the pot and grabbing my hair. I kicked his shin and watched as he fell to the ground. He tried to get back up, but I punched him in the jaw. My knuckles were throbbing, as I had expected, but I punched him again. This time, in between the eyes, and he smacked his head on the tile floor. I stepped on his chest and bent down close.

"So tell me this, Dad," I whispered. "How does it feel to be the weaker one?"

He didn't say anything, but his nose was bleeding, and he was wincing in pain. I grinned and punched him again.

"Not so good anymore, is it?" I hissed. "Maybe now you'll leave me the hell alone." I stood up and spit at him. He had that fire in his eyes again, but I knew it was the last time I would see it. I had won. After nineteen years, I had won. I turned on my heel and left him laying there.

I walked past Matt, zacky and Brian. My mom and Jennifer. John and Craig. Naomi and Jimmy. Even Johnny. I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, so I walked past them all, my knuckles throbbing worse than ever, and I left the house. The night air was chilly. I drew up the hood of my LA Pride sweatshirt, glad I had brought it along. I pulled my black skinny jeans up, even though they didn't really need to be. With my black shoes, I was barely visible on the street. I knew that it was dangerous, but I needed some serious fresh air.

The thought of my dad laying on the floor like I had so many times made me choke up. I had won. I took a deep breath. I had won. Finally. That was the only thing on my mind as I walked around the block four or five times. I had won.

I had won.