My Words Are a Matter of Pride

Avara awoke with a killer headache. She was used to waking up in unfamiliar places with her profession so as usual, she kept her eyes shut trying to get her bearings. She could tell by the lightness of the back of her eyelids that she was in a bright room. She was lying on her back, unusual for her, who found it more comfortable to sleep on her side. She could smell cleaning products, also unusual compared to the filthy motel rooms and almost as filthy hotel rooms that she usually slept in. There was something digging into her right arm, held in place by what felt less hardy than a band-aid. Maybe masking tape? Her body felt stiff, her head groggy and on fire. Her hands felt swollen when she squeezed them into fists, and she really wanted to crack her knuckles, but Holly would tell her off for doing it.

Holly. Where was Holly? She almost always shared a room with Holly on the road, and Holly was like a vampire; she couldn't sleep unless the room was pitch black. There was no way their hotel room would be this bright, even if Holly was already awake. And if she was awake, why could Avara not hear her? What she could hear was someone snoring faintly from somewhere on her left. Holly didn't snore. Suddenly alarmed, she tried to remember when she had fallen asleep but couldn't. She blinked her eyes a few times and turned her head to the left.

"Shaun?" She asked. Being asleep, he couldn't hear her and didn't wake. He was slumped in a chair with his face resting on the fist of his left arm, which was propped up on the arm of the chair by his elbow. Looking around the room as she sat up, Avara realized she was in a hospital room. She wasn't alone either, apart from Shaun. Beside him was an empty chair and beyond was a wall. On her right however, two empty chairs sat by a curtain that would usually be pulled between the two beds in the room to give privacy to the two occupants. This curtain, however, was pulled back toward the wall to make room for the two empty chairs so Avara could see the little girl that she shared a room with. The girl currently appeared to be asleep, with her back to Avara as she face the door of the room. Avara turned back to Shaun.

Shaun," she repeated, but he still didn't wake. She frowned, leaving him to his slumber, and turned her attention on her arm, where there was a needle taped down with hospital tape, attached to a thin tube that ran up to a drip on her right. She couldn't remember what had happened.

Before long, she heard some familiar voices entering the room.

"Avara, you're awake!" Tadem squealed, rushing toward the hospital bed, followed by Holly.

"Aw man, I wanted to be here when you woke up," Holly mumbled as she laid down on Avara's bed next to her.

"Dumbo was supposed to stay awake," Tadem said, making her way around to Shaun. She bent over him and held his nose. Because he was breathing out of his mouth, he didn't seem to notice and continued sleeping while Holly and Avara looked at each other and said "Neesha."

Neesha was Holly's cousin. Once, when they were in high school and Avara was staying over Holly's, they snuck into the room Neesha was sleeping in and held her nose until she woke up. They had found it funny at the time.

When Shaun didn't up, Tadem flicked him on the tip of his nose and he sprang awake.

"Tadem!" Avara scolded.

"Hey guys guess what I saw - Avara, your awake!" Harlee had entered the room. She rushed over to the hospital bed, past the still sleeping little girl, and pushed Holly off the bed. "You don't have cancer do you?" She asked.

"Harlee!" Tadem yelled.

"What makes you think she has cancer?" Holly asked as she got up off the floor.

"I read it in my horoscope," Harlee said, waving around a Woman's Day magazine. "That's what I was about to tell you. It says 'A close friend will get cancer.'"

"Give me that," Holly said, snatching the magazine out of Harlee's hands and flipping to the horoscope page. "It says 'a close friend will get a Cancer'," she read, "It means the star sign cancer you douche."

"Oh," Harlee sighed in relief, "I was scared for a second."

"What is wrong with me," Avara asked.

"You passed out during our interview," Holly said.

"Really scared us," Harlee nodded.

"The doctors don't know why, but they've put you on some crazy drug that made you sleep for about a week-"

"It was three days Tadem," Holly cut in.

"We told them that it was most likely out of excitement about the Harry Potter premiere, but the think it was lack of oxygen. So I said 'Yeah, I forgot to breathe for a bit to, but Avara is a hardcore Harry Potter fan', but they don't think it's related."

"Three days?" Avara asked, glancing at Shaun. "Are we still in LA?" The girls nodded. That was when a nurse came in and scolded the four of them for being there.

"I said one visitor at a time," she said. "You three," she said, pointing to Holly, Harlee and Tadem, "Were going to go home for a bit!"

"We did," Holly said, "Now were back."

"I can't have all four of you in here. There's a reason why there are two chairs per bed," she said, motioning to the little girl, who still appeared to be asleep.

"She wasn't using them," Holly said.

"Out!" The nurse said, "You can take it in turns. I'll let you see her two at a time, but two of you have to leave." The three girls looked at each other, then at Shaun.

"I'm not leaving," he said. It was the first thing he'd said since he'd woken up.

Tadem got up and grabbed Harlee by the arm, "We'll go see Jake and Trav. We have some band stuff to do, and we've got to tell them you're okay."

"We'll come back in a few hours," Harlee agreed. The both hugged her and said goodbye before leaving the room, followed by the nurse.

"I have to pee," Holly said, which was obviously a lie, because she nervously glanced at Shaun as she said it. "You gonna be okay?" She asked Avara, who nodded. Holly smiled at her and left the room.

Shaun got up and sat on the side of Avara's bed and started stroking her hair.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I feel hungover," Avara replied with a frown. Shaun laughed.

"Do you want some pain killers?"

"No, I'll be okay," she said. "Shaun?"

"Yeah Vara?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

He dropped his hand from her hair and asked "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, of course not!" She said. He smiled at returned his hand to her hair. Avara shuffled over to make room for him to lie down next to her like Holly was before.

When he was comfortable, he said: "Holly called as soon as they admitted you. I felt like I needed to be here for you, I was worried."

"I thought we weren't friends anymore," Avara mumbled.

"Doesn't change the way I feel about you," he said. Before Avara could say 'Which is what?', she saw movement to her right. She turned her head to see that the little girl in that had occupied the second bed was now standing beside Avara's drip. She was about eight years old and had long blond, almost white, hair that fell down to her small waist. She was staring up at the bag of drugs that was Avara's drip.

"Hi," Avara said, a little disturbed by the girls presence.

"Afternoon Katie," said Shaun.The girl, apparently Katie, did not respond to either of them. She just stood there, staring at Avara's drip. "Have you seen Boots today?"

"No, Sir," the girl said in a small voice.

"I think he was here before," Shaun said. "I had a bottle of coke, and it fell off the table. But the window was closed and nobody else was here to knock it over."

"Boots isn't here today," Katie said.

"Maybe it was someone else?" Shaun, who was sitting up now, asked. Avara had no idea what they were on about, so she just listened.

"It was probably Jasper."

"Who's Jasper?" Shaun asked. This conversation had made Avara's headache grow. She had no idea who Boots and Jasper were.

"He likes to chase Boots. But Boots doesn't like to be chased."

"Is Jasper a dog?" Shaun asked her. She was still staring at the drip, it was unnerving. She nodded. Sensing Avara's discomfort, Shaun changed the subject.

"Avara's awake now. Away from the darkness."

"Awake. Away from the darkness," Katie said. She reached out her arm and touched the bag that contained Avara's medicine. As if zapped, she dropped her hand and looked at Avara with pale eyes. Her stare frightened Avara, but Katie didn't seem to bother Shaun at all.

"Katie?" Shaun said. Katie looked at him.

"Yes, Sir?" Shaun gave her a scolding look as though he was about to tell her not to call him sir, but he didn't. It was as if they had already had a similar conversation and it wasn't worth going there again. She smiled at him, which made him smile.

"Are you going to be here a while?"

"Forever. Until it's dark forever," she said. She had now moved her gaze to the ceiling.

"In the hospital?" Katie nodded.

"How come?"

"Can't live in ashes. No one wants a wet ash-girl," she responded.

"If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be you," Shaun thought out loud more than speaking to Katie.

"Not me, Sir. I'm a dirty, wet ash girl."

"Can I kidnap you?" He asked her. Avara couldn't help but smile. In the short time he had been in the hospital with Avara, he had obviously created a bond with this girl.

"Filthy, dirty, wet ash-girl."

"I have a bathroom," Shaun said.

"Dumb as a duck," she said, still staring at the ceiling.

"Once, I was feeding ducks at a pond, and one snuck up behind me and stole bread from my pocket. He was pretty smart."

"Darkness soon."

"How long?" Shaun asked.

"Soon," Katie replied before going back to her own bed to take up the same position as before, just as another nurse walked in. "

Miss Law, would you like to stretch your legs?" She asked.

"Love to," She replied. Shaun helped her up and held her left hand as they left the room, with Avara pulling her portable IV along with her right hand. She glanced back at Katie to see that she wasn't sleeping as she appeared to but, but was staring at the blank wall in front of her.

"What's wrong with her?" She asked after they had left the room.

"Brain damaged," Shaun said. Dumb as a duck. "Her Dad killed her mother, then tried to drown her in the bathtub. When he thought they were both dead, he burnt down the house, but she survived. Barely." No on wants a wet ash-girl.

"The darkness?" Avara asked, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

"She's going to die," Shaun said. Avara gripped his hand tighter.