To the End of Sweet Revenge

The next day for me was truly a blur I had one focus on mind and that was Gerard, I wasnt giving a damm really now about being on tour and that wasnt a good thing I knew the girls sooner or later would pick up on it, especially Coco. She was my best friend in the whole entire world.

Where as for Jay I think she’d already picked up on what I was doing or if anything was keeping a closer eye on me. It felt different I really wanted her to understand where I was coming from but I knew that would never happen. When it came to Jay if there was a problem she was determined to get it sorted and fix, if anything like a mediator.

I loved her for it but I didnt need it, nor did I need or want her giving me a lecture on how I should act and show some respect.

I was lucky after our show we would only have one more day on the tour bus, From Selma Texas tonight we would be staying in a hotel and then enduring the 5 hour drive to Woodlands Texas, Where our beautiful Sponge Bob would be awaiting us.

Having some free time I opened my laptop and decided to check my email, thinking about it I wasnt sure what to do next how could I get to the son of a bitch. Thinking about him was making me angry and I needed a release.

Going over to the cabinet I found that there was still a stash of our alcohol, opening up the vodka I started to drink it straight. Swallowing it as it slid down my throat it was nice to be by myself where I could wallow in my own self pity.

An hour later and I was still sitting on the floor with now a half filled bottle of vodka, with my emotions having gone in to over drive.

I knew that I always ended up hurting people everywhere I go. I’m poisonous. I should wear a caution label on my chest. I wanted to lock myself in a room until it all went away – but would it ever really go away?

Maybe being tipsy or even drunk wasnt helping my emotions but I could feel myself becoming a basket case thinking about my past, I couldn’t believe that Gerard was getting to me that much.

I had come to realize that I was never going to change. I am a selfish, inconsiderate person. So indecisive and I do just whatever makes me happy at the time without thinking about who I am hurting. what upsets me the most is I have no remorse about the things I do. I wanna be better…I’ve tried. I guess its true people don’t change.

Drinking more from the bottle of vodka an idea hit me like I had struck gold, one the lottery, been struck by lighting you name it. My mind was buzzing with excitement. I’d had enough of thinking how stupid I was I knew I was better then that or so I thought.

Getting off my ass with the now quarter filled bottle of vodka, I decided to go for a walk and play with someone else’s emotions.

Looking around I couldn’t see anyone I knew until I came across Mac who was on the phone to whoever, as soon as she saw me she knew that was intoxicated. Slamming her phone shut she looked at me.

“Dakota where was the invite?” she cited with a giggle.

My brain wasn’t truly comprehending what she was saying and the only word that I could get out of my mouth was “ Gerard!”

“Ahh...honey he’s going on stage in like a few, wanna watch with me from backstage.”

Nodding I followed her where she walked up to there body guard Worm, he was huge dude but I swear one of the nicest guys going around. Seeing us he allowed us to the backstage where Coco was already to the side.

“Coco” I screamed as I tried to run up to her but ended up tripping over my own feet and fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Mac picked me up and started to laugh even harder. “She started drinking with out us”

“Aww Dakota...you could have told us?” Coco replied.

Trying to stand properly I knew I couldn’t, so rather I leant against Mac while Coco held me up.

“Girl how much have you drank?” Coco asked.

Lifting my arm up I showed her the now empty bottle. She looked towards me and laughed.

Before long the lights went out, and then walking past me was him, he smiled at me while also winking. I couldn’t believe it, maybe my mind had been playing tricks on me, but I felt as though as I was trying to destroy him I was also starting to have some form of feeling for him which I knew I couldn’t allow.

Shaking my head I tried to gain control but it was to no affect the alcohol had consumed my body and I was helpless. Rather my lips purged together and smile towards him as well.

Watching the show was amazing and all I could truly remember was jumping around, falling down and being picked up. Screaming my lungs out to every word Gerard was singing, it was mind boggling but I was glued I had to watch him more then I thought I could possibly do.

When out of the blue, Gerard started to speak and it wasnt until I heard my name that I truly paid attention.

“This is for a special friend of mine, she truly is a wonderful person. Dakota I know your back stage watching and sweety well I thought this would be just for you. Hope you like it.

With that the lyrics came out of his mouth, I was frozen listening to every word he was say eating it up that it had been dedicated to me.

And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you I'll be here Forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)


(Coco filmed Gerard singing ‘Umbrella’)

I couldn’t believe what had just happened, what he had just done, it wasnt meant to be like this I was meant to hate him, and for him to be confused by me not actually like me.

I could feel things spiralling out of control and I needed to get a grip and not let go. To show determination in what I could truly do.