To the End of Sweet Revenge

During the middle of the night I awoke with a fright, moving my head I had to get out of the bunk but I couldn’t move there were arms wrapped around me holding me close it was too much and I felt as though I was unable to breathe. Feeling my chest start to heave and my heart pounding da da da dum da da the nerves were rising with in my body.

With my free foot I felt for my underwear which I located and quickly slid them up my legs while also feeling around for Gerard's top and when finding it placing it over my naked body. Sliding over Gerard's which seemed lifeless besides his soft breathing, pulling the curtain I got out.

With the bus still in motion my first destination was the lounge type area where sitting down on the sofa I curled in to a ball and snuggled in the blanket in order to keep warm. I was starting to feel really weird in what had happened, there were so many emotions running through me, which made it hard as my mind was everywhere.

Trying to calm myself down, I had to think of Gerard as a drone, not a person with feelings or life because what we had done was made love and to me, I had never truly been able to experience that due to the pain I had from the past. I couldn't allow my self to get emotionally attached to Gerard and it was getting so difficult, the way he was treating me.

But then all I needed to do was think on how much of a creep he had first been and why people like him deserved to suffer. Before long my eyelids became heavy and it was harder to keep my eyes open. Resting my head against the sofa cushion and with the motion of the bus I fell asleep.

Woken the next morning with a pillow being thrown at my head, my eyes shot open to have Frank looking at me with a big cheesy grin, not wanting to move I laid there with just a glare of anger.

"Aww Dakota...what are you doing?" Frank asked.

"What does it look like?"

"You got to get up...I'm bored, so did you sleep with Gee?"

"Frankie" I yelped as he pounced on me.

Laughing at his own thought's he continued to look at me and then spoke yet again" You did...that's funny...was he good, pretty big hey!"

"Frankie...stop it please" I replied with a laugh.

"You know you liked it, I heard you and so did everyone else...Why are you here for?"

"I just felt like it."

"Oh..."

I had no idea what else to say, when really I was scared as hell, these feelings I never thought I'd feel were here.

Frank looked towards me with tender eyes. "Dakota is every thing ok?"

He was being so sweet and yet one person I'd truly come to like I was going to lie in his face. "Yeh Frankie, I'm fine."

Leaning in closer he wrapped his arms around me while still lying on top of me, where he held me tight. Before long I'd fallen asleep yet again, along with Frank cuddling in to me. It felt so comfortable and I was glad that he was my friend but for how much longer I had no idea.

A couple more hours must have passed before there were whispers on the bus.

"First Gerard and now Frank" Coco whispered.

"That's our girl!" Mac giggled.

Not wanting to open my eyes I left them closed and cuddled in to Frank's arms while he still held on tight. Eventually as more light crept in to the bus and curtains were open, The bus started to become loud with voices buzzing around.

Waking up yet again and having Frank look at me smile, he cheekily yelled. "Jeez Dakota you were so good."

Only able to crack a giggle I nuzzled in to his cheek and planted a sloppy kiss. Not knowing that Gerard was actually standing there hence the comment from Frank. I rolled over and off the sofa where I hit the floor and as I looked up I noticed Gerard looking down at me with a glint of happiness in his eyes.

With his hand he helped raise me off the floor where we both were unable to take our eyes off of each other, I felt so comfortable. The lust that was there was enchanting and I didnt want to leave the spot I’d succumb to.

“Hi” he sheepishly whispered.

“Hi” I said as I could feel my cheeks going red.

Stepping closer towards me I could feel his muscular arms engulf my body as he slowly kissed me in front of everyone, it was actually one of the sweetest things I could possibly imagine happen to me.

My feelings were so distorted, I feel like I’ve been a fool in so many ways and feeling how I was now I so badly wanted to change to tell Gerard the truth and let the passion I could feel for both of us take over and make us whole.

But...Yep the but it just isn’t meant to be, thinking about him and the past makes me so angry and I deserve so much more which with my life wont happen...happiness for me only comes in very small doses so with all the pain I have I want to share.

“Will I see you today?” Gerard asked.

“Of course” I replied while kissing him softly on the lips.

“Oh my god...get a room, Oh oops I forgot that’s what you done in the bunk” Coco yelled while giving Frank a high five.

The rest of the morning I stay with Gerard under the blanket on the sofa as he held me tight, before long we arrived at our next destination and it was time for us girls to spill out and get to work.

Off the bus, Coco and Mac looked at me. “What guys?” I asked.

“Don’t hurt Gerard” Coco replied.

“Yeh Dakota, you so like him and Gerard well he’s certainly falling for you, Why ruin that for?” Mac asked.

“It’s complicated guys, but it has to be done” I softly responded trying to drop the subject.

“Dakota..what happened in the past wasnt right and yes you were hurt, but Gerard doesn’t deserve this..you know that” Coco said with sadness in her voice.

I hated my past being bought up, to me that had been dealt with a long time ago and it was not something I wanted to relive however them demons would always be there, however I’d learnt how to deal with them and I was happy with that. Looking around Jeff and Preston came running up to us.

“Guys...There’s something wrong with Jayana, she’s refusing to play today!” Jeff exclaimed.

“You have got to be joking right?” I asked.

“No Jeff’s not she is just blatantly refusing, she said you knew why” Preston responded.

“Dakota what ever it is please work it out” Jeff pleaded.

“No!” I exclaimed “it’s just Jay being a bitch and its not fair, but I will go and speak to her” I said as I walked over to Bambi where I could see Jay sitting there.

Walking over and opening the car door Jay looked over at me with evil eyes. “What?” she asked.

“Why are you doing this?”

“You know damm why Dakota?”

“Come on Jay, get over it, this is my problem not yours?’ I said raising my voice a little, which I shouldn’t as that then started Jay off.

“Fucking hell Dakota, you always think this is about you...DON’T you?...Fucking get over your stupid problems.”

“It’s not as easy as you think” I muttered.

“Really now, maybe we haven’t gone through what you have been, but does Gerard really deserve to suffer? NO!” Jay screamed.

Not sure of what to do next, all I knew was that Jay was making me more angry by the minute I felt I was right and that as my friend she shouldn’t have been questioning me.

“If you were truly a friend, you wouldn’t be like this” I screamed.

“Well then maybe I’m not...Until you tell him Dakota I refuse to play I’m here for the music not your stupid problems and if that means me leaving then so be it, I really don’t care what any of you think...I tried to help you but you spit it back in my face so as far as I’m concerned you and the band can go to HELL!”

Shocked at what Jay had to say I just looked and then turned away, deep inside I knew she was right but I couldn’t let her know that, I needed to feel in power and feel as though I was right.

Getting back to the girls both looked at me awaiting me an answer.

“She’s not playing” I replied gently

Both girls looked at me shocked but said nothing. Until a few minutes later. “Well fuck her then, this is meant to be for the fans not what problems you and her have...hell it makes me so ANGRY!” Mac exclaimed.

Coco continued to stay quiet until she softly asked “What are we gonna do?”

For once I didnt have an answer and was at a loss of words...My life was turning upside down not only was I making a complete mess of it but I was also losing one of my closest friends.