To the End of Sweet Revenge

Gerard's POV
Getting Mikey to come back to the bus was hard. I appreciated where my little brother was coming from but at the same time I wished he had left it alone and not gone to confront Dakota and give her a grilling.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not seeing Dakota upset and so sad made my heart cringe, even though she was the one to have caused all of this I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, the way she was suffering and had to put up with what everyone was saying to her.

While I was only ever asked if I was ok, Dakota on the other hand was constantly being berated and I knew that it would hurt more then anything especially as she already knew that she'd made a mistake, I knew she was sincere but still inside me I was still angry.

And there was nothing at this stage that there was that could stop the way I was feeling, I knew it was going to take time for me to actually forgive Dakota for what she had planned to do.

Back on the bus it was time to get ready to get out on stage. I was aware that Coco was going to be there from Frank's invite and, I was pretty sure that Dakota wouldn’t be showing her face, especially after the way Mikey had spoken to her.

Getting ready it was just about time to go on, Mikey would be joining us as a surprise guest which was great as it would have been such a long time since the band had actually played together as a unit.

Heading to the stage, I could hear the loud sounds of Coco's giggle as she walked with Frank behind us, honing in I could hear the conversation she was having.

"She didn’t want to come, she thinks Gerard really hates her and she'd so scared that Mikey is gonna do something." Coco replied.

"It's cool Coco, Gerard is tough but he'll forgive her…Dakota needs to maybe talk to him." Frank said as he continued to walk to the back of the stage.

"Wont happen Frank…She's convinced he hates her and wants nothing to do with her. She wont talk to him, rather she wants to wallow in her own self pity." Coco answered as she walked past me and smiled.

Listening to what she had to say, I was getting some form of satisfaction. Dakota was beating herself up about what she'd done. Knowing it shouldn’t be like this I couldn’t help myself I felt completely torn, once side of me was saying it’s great she’s hurting but then the other side just wanted to be there to hold her and tell her it was ok.

I was honestly confused what to do next and worst of I didnt know what I really wanted. I wanted to be able to make decisions and not be so indecisive. I needed to remain calm and level headed but it was fucking driving me insane at all these feelings I felt.

I never thought my life would go down this path, I’d had my up’s and downs and after Eliza and I had split I thought that had come to an end.

I’d known when Eliza and I had broke up that it was going to be ok and I was happy knowing that I was going to be lonely and have no one in my life, but then Dakota had come alone and totally messed everything up. I’d found myself wanting to open my heart to be able to help her and guide her through this business. But it hadn’t worked out like that.

I needed the closure, I had to talk to her whether I liked it or not, I needed to know how she felt about me, what she wanted to do. So then I’d be able to make my decision on where I now wanted my life to go. I had learnt however that love wasnt going to wait and that love did need expression.

I just hoped I wasnt to late, Thinking about it I didnt want her out of my life I wanted her in it...Argh! It was just so hard with all these emotions running inside of me, which to believe and to let go was hard enough. And now here I was having a conversation with myself in my mind on what I needed to do with the one and only Dakota Ackerson.

Finally we had made it to the stage area where it was time to go on, being on PR was great cause gone was the dressing up as the Black Parade it was now just My Chemical Romance.

Singing the words to each song was exhilarating, listening to the fans sing along and listen to everything we had to say as a band was so moving, half way through the set it was now time for a surprise.

Moving the microphone to my mouth I started to speak.

“It’s fucking nice to be back in Jersey, our home town.” I yelled as the crowd roared with cheers.

Continuing on I babbled on some more until the crowd yelled when they saw Mikey and the cheering really started.

Straight away the rifts of I’m Not Okay started as Mikey placed his bass around him and started to play.
Getting into it we tore the stage up with that one song.


[Mikey at PR, on stage with me]

[Tearing it up with Frank]

Eventually it finished as I gave my brother a big hug as he walked of the stage and we continued on with the performance.

Finally we finished were heading to the backstage area, Coco was there standing with Mikey and Alicia along with my Ma who had also watched the performance. As soon as Coco saw Frank she ran to his arms where he picked her up in an almighty hug.

If I didnt know any better I’d have thought they were a couple, the way the interacted with each other and the close friendship they had formed, it was like something else had been going on. But I knew Frank too well knowing he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt Jamia.

Eventually we all headed back to the bus where before that I’d said goodbye to my brother and Ma. We were now gonna head to the hotel as tomorrow we’d be leaving for Connecticut for another show.

Slowly the tour was coming to an end and it was actually gonna he sad when it did, especially with the friendships that had been formed.

Regardless of what Dakota had done, this tour had been and still was one the best that I’d been on.

Getting to the bus I was shocked when I saw Dakota sitting on the concrete with what looked like an alcohol bottle in her hand.

Gazing towards me I knew straight away that she was tanked, her eyes were so glassy along with her pupils being huge. The other’s just stood back, but as soon as Coco saw what was going on she walked up to Dakota and whispered. “Dakka what are you doing here?”

“I need to be here.” Dakota slurred as you could smell the alcohol on her breathe.

“Go back to the bus, we are leaving shortly anyways.” Coco replied as she tried to pick Dakota up of the ground.

“No” Dakota slurred yet again as she used her hand to push Coco away.

“Dakota...your making a fool of yourself, I know you wanna talk to Gee but not like this please” Coco insisted as she tried to get Dakota to come with her

“Fuck off Coco...I’m fine, I just need to talk to Gerard.” Dakota said as she picked her self up off the ground and stumbled over to me.

I wasnt sure what to think the last thing I wanted to do was talk to her when she was drunk as I wouldn’t know what to expect.

“Dakota go with Coco” I urged.

“Don’t you wanna talk to me?” She asked in a faint whisper.

“Not like this...please just go.”

Dakota stared towards me with her glassy eyes now filling up with warm tears as they started to fall down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry” she replied with soft sobs.

Not wanting to talk to her in this state, I didnt want to push her away either but it had to be done I needed to. I needed to be able to speak to the proper Dakota not the one influenced by alcohol.

“Dakota just go” I said raising my voice a little louder.

Instantly she stopped dead in her tracks and stood for what seemed like ages saying nothing, like she was trying to comprehend what was going on and then it started her drunken rage.

“WELL FUCK YOU GERARD, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THIS BUT NOW I CAN SEE YOU DON’T...YOU CAN GO TO HELL!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, I’M TRYING SO HARD TO TELL YOU THAT I’M SORRY AND THAT I LOVE YOU...WELL IF YOU STILL WANNA PUSH ME AWAY AND NOT FORGIVE ME. FINE BECAUSE YOU CAN GO TO FUCKING HELL, I HATE YOU.”

With that she bolted in to the unknown. Anger instantly over took me. If she wanted to act this way, well then maybe it was best that I actually did move on and put her behind me once and for all.