Frightened Blue Eyes

Oh those wonderful blue eyes. So lovely. I’ve always had a thing for blue eyes. I think they’re wonderful, so beautiful. He’s so wonderful so beautiful. I wonder absentmindedly around the school. I know I’m supposed to be going somewhere but I can’t help it. I’m enchanted. His lovely, soft smile and oh god those beautiful, blue eyes. The bell sounded bringing me back to the horrible reality of school. He’s not going to want to be with me. He’s been bullied for god only knows how long, I might make it worse. Where am I supposed to be going?

I walked into the changing rooms and stopped dead, there he was. Toby. His beautiful, slight figure getting changed right there in front of me. I walk over and put my bags down next to him. He’s all on his own. He jumps at the sound of my trainers hitting the bench, he looks up and smiles quickly, a small, worried, fleeting smile. A smile so absolutely fabulous that I needed to see it again. I looked away. I didn’t want to do anything silly. I got changed quickly and gave my name to the teacher. Why is it that all sports teachers are fat? It doesn’t give a good example. We all trail out onto the field. I watched Toby, he walked on his own, his arms wrapped round himself. He looked so scared of everyone. He had an athlete’s body. Well toned and thin. I longed to hold him close to me.

“Now boys, get into pairs for the warm up.” The fat, old teacher said, he blew his whistle and everyone began to move around to find a partner. I looked over at Toby, he hadn’t moved. I walked up to him.

“Umm, hi. Do you mind if I go with you?” He blinked at me, then frowned. He nodded once, but didn’t say a word.

“Right boys, once round the field, stick to your partner. Go!” Toby began to run, I blinked and sprinted after him. He was very fast.

“Could you possibly slow down a little?” I panted as I finally drew level with him. He frowned but slowed a little. “Do you like sport?” He nodded. “You’re good at it. Well I’ve only seen you run, but you’re good at that.” He hummed noncommittally. “I’ve never been very good at sport. I’m too uncoordinated, I always fall over, or drop things…” I was cut off. Toby glowered at me.

“You know you would be better at sport if you stopped talking once in a wile.” I frowned. Why would I want to shut up, I would have to concentrate, talking is much more fun.

“No.” I giggled. “I like talking. It’s what I’m good at, besides if I don’t talk to you, I won’t get to know you.” A stream of emotions flickered in turn passed Toby’s lovely eyes; surprise, joy, excitement, fear, shear unadulterated terror. We pulled into the home strait, he began to sprint, terror still clear in his eyes. I picked up my pace trying desperately to keep up with him. As we reached the end of the running track he pulled to a stop. His eyes blank and cold, no emotion at all, I hated it. I would settle for any emotion, any, just so his perfect eyes didn’t look so empty. “He’s not even out of breath.” I whisper as my knees give out and I drop to the muddy ground panting. Ew. Mud, I hate the stuff. I saw Toby’s lip twitch as if he wanted to smile, but wouldn’t let himself.

His back curved so perfectly, all I could do was watch in awe as he straightened up to hit the ball. Crack. The tennis ball we were using sailed through the air. He ran. Home run. No one said anything. No congratulations or cheering that everyone else, including me, got if they got a home run. He smiled softly to himself. That smiled did funny things to my stomach. I wanted to giggle, in a most undignified way. I smiled at him as he sat down to wait for his next turn. He seemed surprised that I smiled at him.

“Well done.” I said, he froze and just stared at me. Everyone stared at me. I just smiled again and took my place ready to bat. I failed spectacularly. I didn’t hit the ball and I tripped at first base.

“Out.” I grinned, thank god, now I could just watch.

“Bad luck new boy.” Someone called. I smiled sheepishly and sat down next to Toby, he jumped and frowned at me, a million questions shimmered in his eyes.

“I see what you mean about being bad at sport.” He said softly. Not letting any emotion slip into his words. I laughed, a small smile tugged at his lips, he was please I had laughed.

“And I was also right about you being good at it.” He blushed pink. A warm toasty feeling filled me up. I felt the need to hug him. The whistle blew and we both jumped, laughing uneasily to ourselves. I had not just zoned out gazing at the pretty colour his cheeks were.

We all walked slowly back into the changing rooms. Toby filled my mind completely, I could think of nothing else. I walked next to him, he didn’t talk, he just hugged himself and looked at the ground. Why would anyone so pretty, so wonderful have such low self-confidence? I got changed slowly. Sneaking the occasional glances at Toby, oh god, he was truly gorgeous. His muscles not over exaggerated but defiantly there. I looked away and did my trousers up.

“Hay new boy, watch out, the fucking fags checking you out!” There was a peal of laughter. I glanced at Toby, he was bright red and looked like he was going to cry, I hugged himself tighter and looked down at the bench. Anger burned up inside me. That was why he had no self-confidence. I growled, he looked terrified, he thought I was angry at him. How could I be mad at him, no one in their right mind could ever be mad at anyone so wonderful.

“Which one of us were you looking at then?” I snapped back. There was silence.

“What?”

“Well, you must have been looking at one of us to have noticed.” I grinned at him. He went red and scowled at me.

“Burn.” A couple of the boy laughed at him. “You got told!” I smiled to myself and went back to changing. I glanced at Toby, he was smiling slightly. I had made him happy, I could sing. Actually that would be a very bad idea, singing (like sport) was something I was very bad at.

I left the changing rooms alone, I thought Toby might get a little freaked out if I started stalking him. I heard running feet behind me I turned. Toby was sprinting out of the changing room followed by the rest of the boys. I walked round the corned and stepped into a doorway, the playground was crowded so my plan would work. Toby sprinted round the corner. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me. I clapped a hand over his mouth to stop him screaming in surprise. His wide frightened eyes looked up at me. I put a finger to my lips pleading for silence. He nodded, I removed my hand. The boys rounded the corner and froze.

“Fuck it, we lost him.” One of them muttered.

“We’ll get the little fag later.” Another snarled. They walked back the way they’d come. Toby let out a deep breath and sank to the ground.

“Do they do that a lot?” I asked sitting down next to him. He grimaced and nodded.

“When ever they can.” He shivered and pulled his knees up to his chest. He opened his bag and pulled a clear plastic box out. I wrinkled my nose at the sandwich he pulled out. He stuck his tongue out in disgust. “Ugh, mum gave me Max’s sandwiches again.” He dropped them back into the box and slid it back into his bag. I frowned.

“Is that all you have?” I asked worriedly, it was very bad to skip meals. He nodded sadly.

“I have money as well, but I can’t go into the canteen, they’ll eat me alive.” He sighed. I opened my bag and looked in. June, my soon to me step-mum, was a brilliant cook and had a slight obsession with pasta so that was what was in the little plastic box, and Louise my soon to be stepsister was cleaver enough to sneak me some chocolate so there was some of that as well and Dad and given me a small wrapped parcel and told me that it was a surprise for lunch. I smiled.

“Help yourself.” I said holding out the box. Toby looked sceptical. “Really, there’s far too much for me. And I have crisps and chocolate and a funny dip thing that dad wants me to try, it doesn’t look very appetising.” I held up a pot of purple mush, I sniffed it and sneezed. “I don’t think I’ll offer you that, I don’t want to kill you.” I throw in into a near by bin. Toby giggled and looked down at his feet. I smiled sadly, I hated seeing people sad, and Toby was no exception. I watched him pick at my pasta. He was so sweet. He glanced up at me and smiled slightly.

“Thanks.” He said softly, I hardly heard him. “You really don’t need to be nice to me, no one else bothers.” He sighed and rested his chin on his knees. He looked so lost and forlorn. All I wanted to do was hug him and make it all better.

“Hay everyone needs someone to be nice to them. and I don’t see why they treat me any differently from you. I did announce myself rather memorably this morning.” He grinned.

“They aren’t mean to me just because I’m gay, that’s just something nasty to call me, they don’t really mind that. It’s just me. They’ve never liked me, and well when they found out, it gave them something to tease me about. Oh well I’m used to it now.” He sighed and stood up. “Thanks for lunch, I need to go and find somewhere safer to hide until the bell goes. See you around.” He walked of quickly, his arms snaking round his waist again, his head ducked his eyes darting around for possible threats. I stared after him for a while.

“Hay wait.” I bolted after him. He didn’t stop. “Toby.” He turned at waited for me to catch up. “Please don’t make me run more that I have to.” He smiled and we began to walk. Toby smiled as we rounded the corner. There was a group of boys from our year. He walked up to them. most of them ignored him or said something slightly mean. He just ignored them and walked up to the boy who had been sat next to him when we had first met.

“Hay Tim.” the boy turned and nodded to him.

“Toby.”

“This is Nicky, Nicky this is Tim.” I smiled at Tim, he smiled back slightly.

“It’s nice to finally meet someone who isn’t an arse to Toby.” I smiled. Tim turned to Toby again. He wasn’t exactly friendly but he wasn’t mean. “Did you get lunch today?” Toby nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, Nicky gave me some of his.” Tim looked surprised but pleased. “Have they done anything today?” Toby asked softly, he only seemed to speak softly. Tim shook his head. Toby smiled and walked away. I smiled at Tim and followed Toby away, I had no idea where we where. Toby laughed when I told him I was lost. “You shouldn’t be. That’s out tutor room there.” He pointed at the room in front of us. I blushed. That was another thing I wasn’t very good at, directions, I could get lost anywhere. I followed Toby into the boys’ toilets and was surprised to see that he just walked over to the drier and turned it on. He smiled. “If they come in I hide in the cubicles, it’s warm and safe in here.” I nodded but grimaced.

“It doesn’t smell very nice though.” Toby giggled and looked down. He jumped violently when the door opened he leaped into one of the cubicles and locked the door. I turned to see the boys from my sports class walking in, they grinned at me. I smiled back. They looked round. I stayed where I was. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to leave Toby on his own, but I didn’t want them to wonder why I was still here if I didn’t need the loo.

“Hay new boy?” I glanced up “What’s your name?” I blinked in surprise, I hadn’t been expecting that.

“Nicky.”

“Well Nicky, have you seen the fucking fag since sport?” I shook my head.

“No, sorry.”

“Oh well, I’ll give you some advise Nicky.” He paused for a moment. “Don’t get close to the gay boy, people who do, have a nasty habit of getting hurt. And we wouldn’t want a nice guy like you having to suffer.” I smiled.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Umm what’s your name?”

“Conner.” He said sharply, all the boys followed him out. Toby didn’t open the door.

“They’re gone you know.” I said knocking on the door of the cubical he was in. He looked out his eyes wide with fright. He smiled sheepishly at me.

“You shouldn’t hang out with me, they will hurt you, they kick the crap out of Tim just for talking to me. We used to be best friends, now he only talks to me out of pity.” I smiled and patted his shoulder.

“My soon to be stepsister had friends in high places. I’m not scared of them.” I smiled and lent against the wall. Toby looked astonished. “What? You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.” He smiled slightly and lent next to me.