Anchor

“Cefalotus varans?”

“You mean Cephalotes varians?” I asked, looking over Caleb’s shoulder.

Caleb and I were sitting in the basement of Mays Landing’s dusty, old library. Even though it was summer, I still wanted to keep my mind sharp, so daily trips to the library were a staple for me. According to Carrie, these trips were boring and useless but I guess Caleb can say the contrary. After his job at his dad’s bakery, he would come and join me. He would look over my shoulder and ask me a question or pick up a book that I’d just finished. It was kind of annoying at first but now I enjoy every moment of it.

Sneaking a peek of Caleb’s book, I saw a picture of a large black ant. “I know that species. Cephalotes varians is an ant species native to south Florida.”

Caleb looked at me, “I was saying it right.”

I shook my head. “You forgot made the –tes sound like tus and you forgot the i in varians.”

He grit his teeth, “Sorry I’m not as intelligent as you.”

Words have never come easy to me. They’re usually stagnant and long coming or gurgling out spontaneously, unfiltered and not thought out. Speaking has always been my weakness but no two words have been this hard to say.

“I’m sorry.”

Shivering in the frigid morning cold, I stood in front of Steven Williams. This was always the
most difficult part. Apologizing is hard but the moment right after is the most nerve racking. You don’t know if they’re going to take it well or punch you in the face. I looked at Steven Williams to see a blank face. A couple seconds later a smug look snaked onto his face.

“Finally, after all these years, I get my due. First, you cheat your way to the fifth grade spelling champ. Then you snake your way into my valedictorian spot and into Yale. I deserved to win and-”

“Shut up, Steven,” I looked up to see Steven’s older sister, Deanna. “The girl just apologized you and you’re being an ass about it. Isn’t she the one you have a crush on?”

Steven’s face turned as red as his hair. “No, no-,” he said as his voice began to crack. “I don’t have a crush on Lilly Cahill. I hate Lilly. I hate you.”

Suddenly, the door shut.

I stood there for a while, confused. Steven Williams had a crush on me? I shrugged it off and reached into my pocket. There was a long list, filled of the names of all my former classmates. For the past two days, I’ve been walking around town, apologizing to everyone for being a pompous bitch. With the exception of Steven, most people took it well. Maura Tener smiled; Taylor Moran offered me a beer; Sienna Street invited me to dinner; and Margret Johnson gave me and unexpected and unwanted hug. That hug was a bit awkward but it did make me feel welcomed.

I read off the next name on my list, Marilyn Smith. Who is this Marilyn Smith? I racked my mind for a face or a memory but nothing appeared. According to the Mays Landing High School yearbook, Marilyn Smith was a part of my graduating class. Back in high school, I wasn’t close to anyone besides Carrie, but I knew most people’s name. I stepped off Steven Williams’ porch into the direction of Marilyn Smith’s house. I don’t remember this girl at all but I’ll assume she was at the dinner and is completely irritated at the sight of me.

Walking up a small pathway lined with snow, I rang the doorbell. A couple of seconds later, the door opened to reveal a smiling girl who I presumed was Marilyn. Immediately, I was taken back. Marilyn was a petite girl with skin pale as porcelain and hair fine as spun gold. I looked her up and down, from her small, bare feet to her long blonde hair, billowing in winter’s frigid air. She was the type of beauty you’d remember but why I did not?

“Hello Lilly! I was expecting you. Please come in,” Marilyn sweetly said. “I’ve heard that you were visiting everyone from high school and I got some tea ready just in case.”

“I appreciate it but I can’t. I just came here to apologize for Friday.”

Marilyn shook her head and took my hand, “Come on in. I insist.”

I hesitantly walked in, gripping my bag closer to my body. “I shouldn’t stay long,” I muttered as Marilyn led me to small, padded sofa. “I have some things to finish up tonight.”

“At least let me get you a cup of tea,” Marilyn said as she headed to another room. “You must be cold from all of the walking.”

Looking down on my pale frigid hands, I decided to sit down and warm up in the heat. It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced this type of cold, the type that goes straight through you, chilling all the way to the bone. I guess I’ve been spoiled by the warmth of North Carolina and Africa. I watched Marilyn as she walked back into the room with entire tray. It wasn’t just a cup of tea she was bringing but the entire kitchen. A teapot painted with flowers with teacups to match; a gold rimmed sugar pot, small vanilla wafers and blueberry lemon Danishes from Dailies; I didn’t even know she existed a minute ago and now she’s offering me this entire spread?

“Please, take all you want. I can’t eat all of this by myself,” said Marilyn, pouring and offering me a cup of tea. I picked up the tea cup and took in the warm, heavy scent of tea leaves. I immediately took a warming sip, “Thanks. This is a very nice of you.”

“This is no problem. I just want you to feel welcomed.”

I put down my teacup, “I want to apologize for being pompous at the high school reunion thing. I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have yelled at everyone.”

Marilyn waved her hand, “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you came over. I knew of you in high school but we never got to meet.”

“How did that happen?” I asked, thinking about our graduating class. It barely had eighty people and I was baffled on how I hadn’t met her or even seen her during our four years.
She shrugged, “I guess because you’re smart and you were in all of those honors and AP classes. I just took normal classes.”

The bright smile I first saw on Marilyn’s lips weakened.

“Honor classes are nothing. They’re a breeze compared to undergrad and grad courses,” I said.

She placed her teacup on the tray. “Oh, you’re in graduate school, right?”

I looked out of the window to see the sun fading. “I’m sorry. I have to leave now.”
“Oh…now?” Marilyn slowly stood and led me back to the door. “Please come back again. I’d love to hear about your school and stuff.”

Standing on Marilyn’s front step, I nodded. “I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

She waved me off as I began walking down the road. Crossing out Marilyn’s name off my list, I looked down at the final name.

Caleb Trask.