Anchor

Sneaking out has never been the type of thing I would do. Usually after my parents’ rejection of a party or late night outing, most of the time suggested by Carrie, I would go up to my room and just read. I was never mad or bitter. To tell you the truth, I was content with staying at home on a Friday night. It wasn’t until I met Caleb that sneaking out has become a regular occurrence.

Climbing up the ladder of vines up towards my window, I stumbled into my dimly lit room. It was seven am, the time my parents woke up, so I couldn’t go through the front door as usual. I walked up to my mirror and looked at my disheveled appearance. Sleeping in a field isn’t the most proper time to wear a white sundress. I stripped down to my underwear, adjusting my bra and panties. Looking at my reflection, I traced the trail of kisses Caleb left down my body. They were still warm, burning a deep imprint on my skin.

I pulled on my pajamas and began my trek downstairs. Right before I entered the kitchen, I combed my fingers through my hair. “Good morning mother, father.”

“Morning Lilly,” said my mother, behind a page of newspaper.

My father placed a plate of buttered eggs and toast before me, “Good morning Lilly. How was the Holway paper I gave you?”

I looked at my father blankly. Holway paper? “Um…real interesting. Really well designed experiment.”

Luckily my father simply smiled and sat across me. “I’m proud of you Lilly. Getting ahead will help you when you start your research. It may not be physics but I’m assured ecology research is hard work.”

My mother folded her newspaper and placed it on the table. “Reading scientific journals may not be as fun as parties but you’ll be better off unlike Caroline. I know she’s your friend but I disapprove how she came home at two in the morning, making a giant ruckus. I’m glad you’re not following her example.”

I held my head down, trying to hide the blush in my cheeks. If my parents knew what Caleb and I did last night, they would do definitely do more than blush.

Rolling across the bed, I pulled my blanket over my head to shield my eyes from the light. It felt as if a million knives were stabbing my brain and the last thing I needed was blinding light. I can’t remember the last time I was this hung over. My head was aching, I was dead tired, my eyes were dry, and my throat was dry as a cactus.

Ugh…I’m never drinking again.

Burying my face deeper into my pillow, I struggled to remember what happen last night. Last thing I remember was going to Caleb’s apartment to apologize but what else happened? Moving my hands down my body, I felt that my underwear was still intact, so I guess we didn’t have sex. Thank god.

I moved my fingers upwards my lips. My face was sticky with smeared lip gloss and …liquor? That can only happen if…I kissed Caleb.

I curled my body as the events of last night seeped into my mind. I went to Caleb’s to apologize. After a few drinks, we began kissing and before his hand had the chance to creep up my shirt, I stumbled back home.

I groaned. I swore, before I got home, I wouldn’t get involved with Caleb. My stay here was temporary, only a short few weeks. Nothing lasting can be forged in such a short time. It would ultimately end in me getting hurt again.

“Lilly, are you awake?” I heard my father yell from the downstairs kitchen. From the strong scent of butter in the air, I knew he made breakfast.

Pulling myself out of bed, I headed towards the bathroom connected to my bedroom. I brushed my teeth to rinse the stench of alcohol from my mouth. I splashed my face with water and looked at myself in the mirror. There were bloodshot eyes, revealing the copious amount of alcohol I had last night. My skin was wrinkled and oily. And my hair was kinked and twisted like straw.

I wasn’t myself when I was with Caleb. I was a drunk, I was careless, I was promiscuous. Everything I wasn’t in real life.

Feeling the grim cover my body, I turned on the tub for a hot bath. I stripped naked and lowered my body into the tub. The water was warm and encompassing, slowly soothing my aching muscles.

Caleb always brought out the worst in me; the reckless me, the careless me, the lustful me. I’m not sure how but everything he did and said always brought me weakly to my knees. Being with Caleb molded me into another person and I don’t like her. I didn’t like her at all.
I sank down, submerging myself deep in to the water. Everything looked murky and blurred.
I needed to feel like me again, responsible and hardworking. I needed to feel control of myself. I need to ignore Caleb Trask.