Don't Hold Your Breath

I woke up in the morning, for the first time in my life, actually looking forward to today. Why? Because I was going to Brendon's house! Now, why would seeing Brendon excite me so much? I figured it was because he's my first real friend. Not some fake friend who only hangs out with me because I'm popular. And I could really talk to him and have fun. Fun that didn't involve me getting high. I looked outside and noticed my dad had already left for work, which meant I was free to go downstairs and get myself something to eat. Considering my dad had never really been around much to cook for me, I had to learn for myself. I had just cracked two eggs into a skillet when my phone buzzed on the counter. I had a "New Message From Brendon". 

Brendon Hey, u no how u were supposed 2 come over 2day?

Ryan Yeah......? Wait, "were?" are you bailing out on me? 

My phone started buzzing again, but this time he was calling me. I switched the burner to low and pocked up the phone. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, um, I'm not bailing on you. I was just wondering if we could postpone it to a later time..... Like 9?" Nine? But my dad is supposed to be home at like seven......  

"Um, sure. Might I ask why?"

"Ill explain later. But i gotta go. I'll see you tonight?"

"Uh yeah sure. See you then."

I was pretty disappointed. I mean I guess he wasn't totally bailing on me. But I had been totally counting on seeing him today. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to find something else to Occupy my mind. I picked up my phone and began texting random people. Patrick, who was probably the quietest and least annoying out of all my friends was the first to reply. And really the only one I carried on a conversation with. After and exciting day of eating watching T.V. And texting, I was suddenly reminded by an unpleasant phone call by my girlfriend that it was our two month anniversary, I had completely forgotten, and was chewed out because of it. And as an apology, she demanded I take her out to dinner. It's times like this I wonder why I haven't broken up with her yet. 

Oh yeah. 

Because I'd be massacred by my father. 

So because of this, I agreed to take her out. Maybe if I acted like a douche, Id get lucky and she's break up with me. 

Ha. 

I laughed at the irony. 

Soon enough 6:30 rolled around and I had to pick up Elizabeth. 
I took her to the little diner I went to with Brendon and his parents. It brought back interesting memories..... We sat down, and I pretended to listen to her ramblings, nodding and grunting in all the right places when a couple walked through the door. It was Brendon and some kid with glasses, and they were........ Holding hands? What the hell? He blew me off so he could go on a date with some.... Guy?! Although I was angry, my heart filled with disappointment. Although I don't know why. This was to be expected right? He's gay, of course he'd go on dates with guys...... I mean I'm sitting here with my girlfriend right? But why is it different? And what is with this fucking feeling of anger, disappointment, and sorrow? If I didn't know any better I'd think it was jealousy...... But it's not right? Why would I be jealous? Maybe I'm just jealous of the fact that while I'm stuck here with mynaggy slut girlfriend, he was out having a good time. Yeah. That's it. 

He saw me and his eyes widened. He turned red as the waiter led them to their seats. 

".....Ryan..... RYAN!" She snapped me out of my trance as she shouted my name while waving her hand in front of my face. 

"Huh?" she looked annoyed as she followed my gaze towards where Brendon was sitting. 

"Isn't that, that one gay dude you beat up a couple weeks ago?" I saw him get up to and head towards the bathroom. 

"Um yeah, I'll be right back, Kay?" I said getting up, not even waiting for a response. I waited outside the bathroom for a second, wondering what I was gong to say. And wondering what i was doing at all for that matter. Finally I just walked in, and he was standing at the sink looking at himself in the mirror. When the door opened, he turned to look at me. 

"Ryan?" he asked confused. 

"I, um, I gotta go." I mumbled quickly as I rushed back out to our table.

"What was that about?" she asked accusingly. 

"I just had to go to the bathroom." technically I did. I had to go the the bathroom..... To talk to Brendon...... Only I didn't. Why didn't I again? "Hey, can we hurry and order? My dads going to be home soon and I'm supposed to be grounded......" I lied smoothly.  

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I guess."

I scarfed down my food and got out of there as soon as humanly possible. When we arrived at her house she turned to me and pretty much shoved her tongue down my throat. 

"Um," I pulled away. "I really need to get home. I still need to get Patrick his car back." She frowned and pushed me away. Slamming the door shut on her way out. Man do I know how to piss off women.  

~*~

I dropped the car off and was currently sitting on Brendon's couch in his room. 

"Why didn't you tell me!?" I demanded when he walked in. My voice sounded a little irritated. 

"I don't know! I just met him yesterday!"

"And you're dating him?! Who is he anyways?!" he groaned and collapsed on his bed. Why was I freaking out about this? Shouldn't I be happy for him?  

"Remember my cousin I told you about? Well she's back in Vegas, and she brought friends with her. She pretty much set me up with him."

"Oh. Do you like him?" I was kind of sounding like a 14 year old best friend girl. But he didn't seem to mind. 

"I- I d-d-don't, I m-mean I think I might-" I suddenly realized the reason why he didn't tell me. And why he was having trouble now. My thoughts traveled back to Sunday in the diner. He admitted to liking me...... A lot. And he was probably really nervous right now. 

"Its fine. You don't have to tell me." he seemed confused by my obvious change in attitude. "Why don't we watch a movie?" I suggested. 

"Um, okay?" he looked at me like I was insane before getting up to grab a box filled with DVDs out of the closet. "Which one?" he named a list of movies. I settled for Donnie Darko. We went downstairs and sat on the couch and began watching it. It was a pretty intense movie. Both Brendon and I jumped when Frank showed up in the movie theater. But as intense as it was, it was also extremely long. I looked over and Brendon was asleep. But not only was he asleep, but he was muttering things as well. Awwww Brendon's a sleep talker! I turned down the volume so I could eavesdrop on his interesting conversation. 

"Where the fuck is Waldo?" he mummered. "  "WHOA! There's a one eyed cat running around here...it guards the stairwell" I began laughing as silently as I could. What was going on up there in his head? I continued to giggle...... Yes giggle....... At the ridiculous things he was saying, until he said my name. 

"Ryan..." It was pretty clear the way he said it. At first I thought he had woken up, but I looked over and he was still asleep. 

"Ryan, I love you." 

My heart froze as he said this. Why? I already knew this. He told me...... Right? so why did my heart start suddenly beating a million beats a second? I thought about it and I realized, no one has ever said those three words to me until now. At least not that I can remember. And not seriously anyways. I felt tears come to my eyes. Why did these thing have to be so confusing? He went out on a date with a guy. While he was still in love with me. So was this guy just like a rebound crush or something? I felt kind of sorry for him. By the way he was looking at Brendon, it was obvious he was into him. I found myself staring at him. He looked so peaceful, and innocent, and...... Kind of beautiful...... (And I mean that in the straightest way possible....)

I decided it would be best to stop stalkerishly staring at him while he was sleeping. So I turned back to the movie, and soon found my eye lids becoming heavier and heavier. Soon I was out like a light.