Don't Hold Your Breath

There we sat. Hand in hand in probably the most cliche of surroundings. But I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that we were together. Together and alone. Away from all the distractions and judgments of life. Me and this person...... Who's face I could not see, but who's touch sent feelings like a thousand sparks all through out my body. Who ever this person was, it was obvious I was head over heals in love with them. If only I could see their face, to be able to look in their eyes and see the same affection I held in mine reflected in theirs. I reached out to caress the face of this mystery person. As I did so, I felt their arms pulling me closer, whispering the words "I love you" in my ear. A familiar voice. Soon, I placed my hand on the back of their neck, pulling them closer, and closer, until our lips finally met. And with this kiss, I suddenly knew who this person was. The fullness of their lips, the feeling of righteousness. His face suddenly became clear. Brendon.

"Ryan..?" I awoke to a familiar voice saying my name. I opened my eyes to see Brendon dressed in a white button up shirt and some black church pants. I sat up and a blanket that had not been there last night fell to the ground. 

"Going somewhere?" I asked sleepily. 

"I have to go to church. You can come if you want. But I thought you'd might like to sleep. -" 

"No I got enough of that stuff last time. I think I'm going to head home. " 

"Stuff?" he chuckled. He walked over and sat next to me, sending the feeling of a thousand butterflies fluttering all through my stomach as the image of us sitting in the open field, or where ever it was we were, filled my head. I shouldn't be having these feelings. These dreams...... He's my newly found best friend. As cheesey as it sounds. But sitting here, looking in his eyes, staring at his moving lips, absorbing the fact that he kind of is beautiful, just made things a lot more complicated then they should be.

"RYAN!" He snapped me out of my trance. 

"Huh?" 

He sighed. "I said after church I'm going over to Vickeys, and I want to bring you to meet Mikey." He seemed so happy at the thought. 

"Oh." The thought of this made my heart drop. One part of me knew why. The other wanted to deny it. But seeing how happy he made Brendon, I guess he couldn't be all bad. "Sounds cool. You'll have to pick me up though. I don't have a car."

"Alright cool. Um..... Jon and Spencer are kind of coming along.... Jon is in love with my cousin, and Spencer, well Hes just tagging along. I hope that's okay....." he seemed unsure. 

"Oh it's fine with me. They're the ones who hate me remember?" 

"oh. Haha. Right. So you're coming then?" He sounded hopeful. And considering he had been avoiding me since the....er..... Kiss I assume it was probably to prove that he wasn't overly obsessed with me, and that he was moving on. I suppose it's his way of showing that he's trying to be my friend, and be there for me with out all the awkward tension. 

Or maybe I was just being conceited.......

~*~

I sat at home, watching mind numbing television, to clear my mind of things. Brendon should be getting back soon. Which meant I would be meeting his boyfriend soon.......
Whoop Dee doo. 

S-C-A-N-D to the A to the L-O-U-S
Can't handle it, can't handle it
Damn that girl 
she's SCANDALOUS!

I sighed. Gabe's been messing with my ring tones again. I pulled my phone out and there was a new text message from Brendon. 

Im waiting outside. Get ur ass out here. 
I chuckled and walked outside to see an unfamiliar car parked outside my house. I assumed it was Jons car since he was driving. Spencer was upfront which was good. At least I wouldn't be left alone to bare the awkward tension of Spencer hating my guts right next to me. Brendon seemed overly excited as usual, and Jon and Spencer looked either pissed off, or really annoyed. Probably a mixture of both. 

"Hey. I greeted both of them as I climbed in the backseat. Spencer grunted in reply and Jon just mumbled a quiet "hello". I looked to see Brendon roll his eyes. The car ride would have probably been extremely uncomfortable and awkward if Brendon hadn't spent the whole time going every single detail about his precious "Mikey". 

Wow. I even think his name with total bitterness and venom. It just makes me wonder what it would sound like if I said it out loud......

Finally after about 15 minutes of Spence rs reckless driving, and Brendon attempting to get directions via cell  phone we drove up to this apartment building.

~*~ 

Brendon knocked on the door of the "not-so-fancy" apartment. I strode awkwardly behind with Jon and Spencer.  I heard a few muffled yelling noises, as if there were people arguing behind the door. 
Finally someone answered the door. He was a short with dark hair and green eyes. 

"Brendon!" He jumped up and down before he tackled Brendon. I didn't think anyone was more excitable then Brendon. Guess I was wrong. 

"Hey Frankie." he said patting him on the back. At first I thought he was Brendon's boy toy, but after he hugged Brendon he went and sat on the lap of a different, more mysterious and quiet boy. Brendon fallowed him in, followed by Spencer, Jon, then me.

There were three boys squished onto a love seat in front of the t.v. One of them was the one who opened the door. The other two didn't resemble the boy I saw at the diner. 

There was a girl who was sitting on a bean bag in the corner reading a magazine. She had long dark hair, and slightly resembled Brendon. I assumed this was his cousin. 

"Nice place Vickey..." Brendon said probably trying to be polite, because honestly, it was a dump. The walls were kind of dirty, and there were random little holes in the walls. It was small and cramped, and the hard wood floors looked like they hadn't been cleaned in ages. But I guess I shouldn't be judging. There are several holes in the walls in my house. (for different reasons I suppose) and my house was never cleaned.......

"Yeah I know, it's a dump. But it was cheap and it'll fit all five of us." she said not glancing up from her magazine. 

"Yeah..... Where's Mikey?" 

"Your Boy Toy is in the kitchen making lunch." She said pointing towards what was obviously the kitchen, still not looking up from her magazine.

"Mkay. Come on guys." he said gesturing for us to follow. 

We followed as instructed, and there stood a boy I recognized, faxing the counter, making sandwiches. Brendon snuck over an snaked his arms around the boys shoulders from behind. In response the boy turned around so he was facing him and kissed him on the cheek. Watching this, I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach. 

"Ew, can you guys like get a room?" Jon said beside me. Brendon rolled his eyes and began introducing us. His arms still around Mikeys shoulders. 

"Guys, this is Mikey, Mikey this is Spencer, and Ryan. You know Jon already." he said gesturing to each of us. 

"Nice to meet you." he reaching out and shaking mine and Spencer's hands. He had a sweet smile stretched across his face and was absolutely adorable. Well that's just great. He's cute, sweet, and friendly.

Now I officially hate him. 

And as much as I wanted to tell to myself that it was just because Brendon was my friend and I felt like his boyfriend was hogging him up, Like in 7th grade when your best friend got a girl or boyfriend, I knew in the pit of my stomach that there was another reason. 

And this reason made me want to cry. Just because I couldn't deny it any longer. Every agonizing moment I sat there, watching them hand in hand, smiling and loving every minute of it, pained me inside, and sent me through a fit of jealousy. 

It was really a bad idea for me to come. 

But I wanted to be there for him. 

At least he was happy right?

Ugh. How cliche. So much for finding the bright side of things. 

We were there for hours. Doing absolutely nothing interesting. Boy toy made lunch, we watched T.V., a pointless argument irrupted between the tall guy with curly hair, and the short hyper kid, Jon seemed to spend the whole time drooling over Brendon's cousin, and Spencer just kind of blended into the corner. 

Finally after what seemed like an eternity.......

"Aw man, we gotta go. We have school tomorrow." Brendon said glancing at his cell phone. 

"Sweet, me and Mikey will see you there!" said the overly excitable boy. 

"Seriously!? Yes!!!" Brendon said excitedly as he hugged Mikey closer. 

Fuck. 

I wanted to puke. 

Things couldn't possibly get any worse. 

But then, because the world hates me, Mikey pressed his lips to Brendon's. Rage flooded through me. I felt my face burn red. I clenched my fists and bit my tongue to avoid saying, or doing any thing that could possibly injure someone. Looking away, I spoke. 

"Erm, Brendon, we should get going." I mumbled. I tried to make my voice sound not as harsh, for I felt like screaming. 

"Alright let's go. " he said standing up and stretching. I subtly rushed out the door. I didn't want to see any "goodbye kisses"

~*~

The car ride was a short comfortable silence. Well at least for everyone else. I was going out of my mine being alone in the back seat with Brendon. 

Tonight seriously opened my eyes to what could be the best or worst thing to ever happen to me. 

I'm in like with Brendon Urie.

And it fucking sucks. 

No pun intended. 

~*~

I walked Brendon to his door step. He was confused but didn't stop me. We said our goodbyes as Jon and Spencer drove away. He was about to walk in when I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. I was surprised by my own actions. I could tell he didn't know what was going on. He just stared at me wide eyed. I stood there slightly agape. No words were coming out of my mouth. 

What happened next, neither of us expected. I closed the gap between us, crashing our lips together. The feeling was amazing, like nothing I've ever felt before. Except maybe when he kissed me that one time in the bathroom, that he took back claiming it was a mistake. But this was something more. And definitely not something I would regret. Or so I thought. Because suddenly, he pushed me off violently.