Don't Hold Your Breath

Suddenly he grabbed me by the arm and spun me around. The act took me by surprise so i didn't react right away. Even though he just stood there, his mouth slightly agape. I don't think he knew what he was doing either. The next thing i know, he leans forward pressing his lips to mine. This too took me by surprise, so it took me a second to register my thoughts.

What the hell was he doing? I thought he was "Straight" or what ever and just wanted to "Be friends". Was he messing with me? Is this all some big joke to him? Was he really the total ass Jon ans Spencer made him out to be? I just took him to meet my boyfriend for heavens sake! And now he's kissing me! Is this all some sick joke?!

I pushed him off almost violently. When I did so he looked confused and a little hurt. But I was too pissed to care.

"What the fuck Ross?!" I whisper yelled at him. I didn't want my parents to over hear. "What is this? some sort of sick joke to you?!"

He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. "What?"

"Don't play stupid Ross. This was all a joke wasn't it? You're trying to get in my head aren't you?! I fucking pour my heart and soul out to you, trust you with my sexuality, i tell you I love you, even though you don't love me back..... and the minute i try t move on you come to my house and maul me? Spencer was right..." I mumbled the last part to myself.

"You think I'm playing you?" He asked in disbelief. "Brendon you're being paranoid and not making any sense!" He whisper yelled back.

"So then why did you kiss me?" I challenged.

" I-I" he stumbled over his words.

"You know what? just forget it. Ill see you at school." I walked in and closed the door in his face before he could respond.

~*~

It wasn't until i was laying in bed trying to sleep when my i began to actually think logically. Was I too hard on him? Did I over react? Even after I saved his life, would he really be enough of an ass to do that to me? I just can't figure it out. What logical reason could he possibly have for kissing me the night I took him to meet my boyfriend? Was he jealous? Maybe he didn't like the thought of sharing me. I meant i was his only real friend. Maybe he wanted to ruin our relationship so he could keep me for himself. But if that was true, then why would he do it when no one else was around? If he really wanted to ruin it then he probably would have done that back at Vickey's apartment.

At some point when I was trying to figure this out I fell asleep. I'm not sure when, and I was to exhausted to dream so the next thing i knew i was waking up to my alarm clock. In the process of getting ready for school, I decided that I would give him a chance to explain, then I would decide if it was total bullshit or not. He was probably pretty pissed at me though because of last night. I was going to have to catch him on the way to school then.

I waited at my window to see when he left the house, so i would "happen" to leave at the same time.

I was just about to give up hope and leave the house when the door to his house finally opened and out came Ryan. I rushed out the door and across the street. And began our usual routine. But when he saw me he just sped up. I sped up as well, then when he saw me he sped up even faster. this continued until we were about running.

"Ryan!" i grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. "We need to talk."

"No we don't. Because nothing happened last night, and you don't need to yell at me. "

Great, he was in denial, typical Ryan. "Ryan please. I'm sorry I over reacted will you please tell me why you did it?"

He didn't answer me. He just broke free of my grasp and continued walking fast paced.

"Ryan! come on! just tell me. You can trust me."

He stopped dead in his tracks and whipped around.

'Trust you? You want me to trust you!? Let me tell you a little something about trust Brendon, Its a two way fucking street! You fucking accused me of messing with you! you didn't trust me enough to even consider that maybe the kiss actually meant something. To think that maybe I actually do care about you. Instead you automatically assumed It was all a joke. And now you want me to trust you!? I think not. " he was just about screaming at me. His response took me by surprise. I stood there i shock as he stormed off.

He was right. He shouldn't trust me.

~*~

I got to school and met up with Jon, Spencer, Mikey, and Frankie. I couldn't;t say anything to Spencer or Jon about what happened last night with Mikey or Frankie around, Besides, I knew it was kind of pointless. I knew what they would say.

"He's an ass who just wants to mess with your feelings. he doesn't care about you"

But I knew they were wrong. He did care about me. and the kiss.....

The kiss.

Maybe the kiss meant something. I actually do care about you

Was it actually possible that he kissed me because he wanted to? Maybe he really did like me...... Then I went and ruined it.

But what about Mikey? I really do like him. He's sweet, and cute, and friendly. But I just don't feel the same way about him that idid do Ryan. I can't break his heart.

But you already broke Ryan's

What was I going to do?

"Brendon, are you okay?" It was Mikey who snapped me back into reality.

"Huh? oh yeah. sorry. I'm just a little tired." I lied.

"Okay." he smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

"Oh look! Now there's two of them!" I looked over to see Pete, Gabe, Joe, Andy,whore slut Elizabeth, and Nate. It was Pete who spoke. The rest of them were laughing. Where was Ryan?

They made their way towards us.

This wasn't going to end well.

"Hey Queer, whats your name?" he said to Mikey. Mikey turned red and mumbled his name under his breath.

"Pete just back off okay. He hasn't done anything to you. " I defended. Pete just snorted and pushed him down. He fell against the wall. This angered Frankie.

"What the hell?" he got up in Gabe's face. Considering he was about half his height. this was a bad idea. Gabe just glared at his then grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

I cut in pushing Gabe back away from Frankie, who showed no fear what so ever.

"Did you just push me Urie?"

"No Saporta, I was just trying to dance with you." I added sarcastically.

"Are you trying to be funny?" he not picked me up by my collar.

"Just leave him alone Gabe." A familiar voice called from behind. I glanced over Gabe's shoulder to see Ryan standing there. Hiswhore girlfriend walked over and slung her arms over his shoulders, but he just shrugged her off. she looked offended.

"Why you want a piece of this Ryan?" he offered.

"No Gabe, I want you to leave him and his friends alone. You're being a dick."

"Why do you care? is he you're boyfriend now or something?" He mocked.

"What's up your ass Ross?" Pete asked. "Don't tell me it's this Urie kid."

Ryan turned red with anger. he looked as if he could punch Pete in the mouth right now.

"You know what? I'll forgive you if you come over here and beat his ass right now. " Gabe offered. but much to my dismay, when Ryan refused, Gabe pushed me up against the wall, causing me to hit my head extremely hard. It put me in a daze for a second. I felt a little dizzy. No scratch that. Extremely dizzy. i fell to the ground. But just as I looked up I saw Ryan punch Gabe right in the jaw. By this point a crowed of kids had circled around us to watch Gabe and Ryan go at it. The rest of them just stood there with a look of shock on their face.

"What's going on here!?" It was the principal who cut in. Jon rushed over to restrain Ryan, and Pete Gabe. "You boys get to class now before i put you in Detention! And someone get this boy to the nurse!" she pointed at Gabe. Wow, Ryan was a fighter.

I was able to stand up with the help of Mikey, Jon and Spencer. I hobbled over to Ryan who had a split lip and a few bruises of his face. He was just standing there looking at the ground. He just gave up his high school reputation to defend me and my friends.

"Ryan...I"

"Save it." he cut me off. "I'll see you in class."

He walked off. Not another word.