Don't Hold Your Breath

I awoke to the sound of a female voice begging me to wake up, and the not so soft patting on my face in attempt to do so. 

"Ryan, come on. Wake up please." It was Kaela's voice. My eyes fluttered open, and she sighed with relief. 

"I- What happened?" I managed in a bit of a groggy voice. I looked around and noticed I was lying on my bed. How did I get here? I thought I passed out in the- Oh shit. 

It came flooding back to me. The reason I passed out. 

She sighed, but looked angry now. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me Ryan!" Sue exclaimed. "Although I'm sure the bloody blade left in the sink says enough." 

I sat up, causing myself to be slightly dizzy, and looked down. I didn't know what to say. 

I then noticed that I was all bandaged up. When did this happen? And why wasn't I in the hospital?

She gave up on waiting for me to speak, then proceeded to speak for herself some more. Explaining to me what had happened I guess. 

"I came home at lunch to check on you, thank god I did, because you were pretty upset when I left. Right as I walked in the door, I heard a thump from upstairs. So i figured you were awake. I went upstairs and that's when I found you. I grabbed a towel amd wrapped it around the wound to stop the bleeding, then raced next door to get my mom who's a nurse, to bandage you up. Then we moved you to the bed, and I spent the last couple minutes trying to get you to wake up. She's downstairs now getting a wet wash rag to clean up the bathroom a bit. She told me it was just a slight injury and that you would be fine as soon as you woke up. And that you didn't show any signs of survere loss of blood so you would be fine." She explained. As soon as she finished her mom walked in. 

"Hey, you're up. That's good. Um." she paused. "Ryan, I don't want to have to tell your aunt about this. I know my neighbor. And she will go balistic. But this can't happen again. You were lucky this time. You could end up getting seriously injured. This is serious. So, just think about the fact that your indangering your life next time your about to do it. Okay?" 

She was a nice woman. But you could tell she felt a bit uncomfortable talking about this. Probably because she didn't know me very well. But at least she cared. 

I just nodded. "Thank you, um." 

"You can call me Tammy." She replied. 

"Thanks a lot Tammy. I really owe you one."

"No problem. Just, please remember what I said. If this happens again, I'll have to talk to your aunt about this."

I just nodded in reply. And mumbled a quiet "Thanks" under my breath. 

She nodded and walked in the bathroom closing the door. Giving us privacy to speak. 

I just looked at her. 

"Im sorry." I mumbled. 

"Its not me who you should be apologizing to." she said handing me her phone. 

No. I can't tell him. He'll freak out. I don't want him worrying about me. He'll think I'm trying to kill myself. No. I won't. 

"I can't." I said. I didn't have to explain further. She just nodded and set it down. Understanding why I wouldn't want to tell him. 

"Ryan, I don't want to tell you what you did was stupid, but seriously. What were you thinking? You could have died. Were you think about Brendon at all?" She said as she sat on the bed next to me. 

"I was. And that's what kinda drove me to it. I had been crying for three hours. I just needed some sort of relief." 

There it was. 

That word again. 

"I wasn't going to at first. But then my mind just kinda slipped. I couldn't really tell myself no. I was in physical pain because of his absense. I don't think you understand." 

She just looked down. "No. I think I get it. I-I just thought you were stronger then that."

There was a bit more silence. "I guess not."

There was more silence as Tammy came out of the bathroom. 

"Its all, uh clean. Mykaela I'm going to head home. I want you home in a little bit too." she said exiting. 

"Okay mom." sue called after her. 

I was looking out the window, but I could feel her gaze on me.

She tossed me her phone again. 

"Ryan, why don't you call him anyways. It'll cheer you up." she suggested. She was right. I needed to talk to him. Clear my mind a little. 

I dialed the number and brought it to my ear. 

"Hey." he answered cheerfully.  

"Hey." my response sounded dull compared to his greeting. 

"Whats wrong?" he asked catching on to my mood. 

"Nothing. Just a bit down I guess. What's new in Vegas?"

"Eh. Nothing really. And by nothing, I mean eVerything. Remember Alex? Well he's in town and him and Vicky are dating. Isn't that insane? Jon is crushed of course. But he'll get over it. Oh, and Bob and Mikey are dating. They just made it official yesterday. It's about time right? You just knew they would end up together. And my mom got promoted! Yay!" 

I laughed at his excitment. "Yay!" I mocked. 

"Oh shut up. I saved the best news for last."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"Saporta is moving! And Pete is nothing with out his clone! Muahaha." 

Well that's pretty good news. For Brendon, Mikey, and Frankie of course. One less of them to push them around. I wonder where he's moving to? Maybe he'll move to antartica. Hehe. 

"Thats great!" I exclaimed. 

"I know right? So how are things there? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

Crap. How would I explain this. 

"Could say the same for you." 

"Well I am at school. It's break between classes. What's your excuse?"

I came up with a quick but good excuse. 

"I didn't feel up to it. It's just a bunch of Homophobic asses. I'll probably go tomorrow." I explained. 

"Dont go getting yourself beat up. I couldn't stand it if I lost you permanently." he sounded serious. It about broke my heart. Considering the real reason I stayed home today. 

"Oh, I gotta go to class. I'll call you later! Bye!"

"Bye. " I responded again. A little late. He jad already hung up. 

I sighed and handed Kaela her phone back. Boy didn't I just feel like a Ray full of sunshine. 

"Im going to head out. Call me if you need anything." she said half way out the door. 

"With what?" I smart assed to her. I gave her asmirk and she rolled her eyes. 

"Just get some rest please. And no more pointy objects." she said walking out the door. 

"Kay mom!" I called after her. I didn't have to see her to know she was rolling her eyes.

I laid my head back on my pillow as instruscted, and ended up drifting off into dream land. Or more nightmear land I suppose.