Don't Hold Your Breath

Brendon's POV

After he ran out my mom came up demanding to know what happened. She was pissed that she spend all that time on dinner, and he didn't even taste it. I just told her we got in a fight, not going into much detail. She could tell I didn't want to talk about it, and left me alone. That's one thing I like about my mom, she could tell when I needed to be alone, and didn't always push me to talk about thinks I didn't wan to talk about. Thoughts about my mother reminded me of what Ryan had said. "My mother left me when I was 7" That just about killed me. I couldn't imagine a world without my mother. Then again, my family is the "perfect family" My siblings are all straight A students and off to fancy universities, my parents are happily married and hardly ever fight. The only thing is . . . the rest of my family is totally homophobic. And that sucks . . . considering I'm gay. But I haven't told anyone yet, not even Jon or Spencer. But it's not like it would be a big shocker if I did come out. If they already have me labeled as a fag, I must not be too good at hiding it. And the only reason my parents haven't seen it is probably because their blinded by their own beliefs, and hope for their son, to realize this. But it's not like I'd want them to know anyways, They'd probably kick me out or send me to some clinic to "fix" me. Yes my parents are that bad. But I guess compared to Ryan's parents they're not that bad.

But something he said had bothered me. "When he's drunk he--" He what? What could be so horrible? Horrible enough to make a boy cry?

Then It sunk in. The fact that he had bruises all over his face. The fact that he was obviously lying when he said he got in a fight. The fact that his father is a drunk! How could I have been so blind! He fucking suffers from abuse. But what can I do? I can't tell anyone, there isn't enough proof. I'm not even 100% sure myself. I guess for now the only thing I can do is be there for him. Or in this case, leave him alone.

~*~

A week has passed and he has avoided me ever since our little "Incident" if you could call it that. Although I don't blame him, If I was in his shoes, I wouldn't be too pleased with me either. I got to school and met up with Jon and Spencer as usual. We still had a while before class so we went to our usual hang out spot.

"Oh great, look who's here." Spencer grimaced. I looked to see Ryan, Pete, Gabe, Patrick, and Ryan's girl friend walking towards us. Ryan had his head down like he didn't want to be there.

"Just ignore them." Jon said returning to what he was saying. Something about chicken farms.

"Hey Gabe! Look who it is!" Pete said pointing at me.

"Aww, its Brenny and the pussy cats!" Gabe put an emphasis on the word "pussy".

"Clever Gabe" I rolled my eyes and turned back to Jon and Spencer.

"What was that fag?" I ignored his and continued talking to Jon.

"Hey fag! He's talking to you!" Pete pushed me forward and I lost my balance and fell on Spencer.

"Dude! What the fuck!?" Spencer yelled as Jon rushed to help us up. Right as I recomposed myself, Pete grabbed me by the collar and pulled his arm back in the standard punching position. I cringed away from him hoping he would just get it over with.

"Hey Pete! why do you always get to do it? Why not give Ryan a shot at him?" I think it was Patrick that yelled. I glanced at Ryan, his eyes had widened at the suggestion.

"Um, no, really, I-I'm f-fine" he stuttered. He wasn't going to do it. I don't think he had it in him. Not because he was weak or anything. More like. . . civil.

"Come on! Don't tell me you're not man enough to beat this fag!" Pete pushed. I wasn't going to let Ryan be tortured like this. If he refused he'd probably end up getting beat himself' Maybe I could stall. Just long enough for the bell to ring. I went with the first thing that came to mind.

"Ryan, please go easy on me this time! last time was brutal!" I pretended to shutter.

"what's he talking about last time Ryan?" Gabe asked.

"I. . .uh. . " Ryan looked confused.

"Remember yesterday? after school, in front of wall*mart? you beat the crap out of me?" Ryan caught on quickly.

"Oh yeah. . . I thought I taught you your lesson last time!" he pretended to threaten me.

"Damn Ry, I didn't know you had it in you!" Pete playfully punched him in the arm.

"haha, neither did I. . ." Ryan laughed nervously. I tried hard to keep a smug grin of my face. But then my plan turned against me.

"He Ry, I don't think he learned his lesson. I think you gotta teach him again. Show us exactly how you did it." Gabe had an evil smile on his face. Pete snickered and pushed me towards Ryan. He had a look of fear on his face. Probably the same one I did. At this point I think Jon was holding back Spencer who was probably about to attack Ryan himself. He was very protective. . . .

To my luck, the bell rang just in time. I bolted into the school. I've never been so happy for school to start in my life. That was just plain luck.

~*~

I was sitting in class and I could feel Ryan's eyes burning a hole in my back. He was obviously confused by what happened. And frankly, so was I. Why did I care so much about him? I guess I know. I'm obviously falling for him. Which is definitely not good for me. He's straight, with a girlfriend, and not to mention super popular and would never be interested in someone like me. My thoughts were interrupted by a piece of crumpled up paper hitting me in the side of the head. I looked around to find the culprit, and spotted Spencer gesturing for me to open it. I picked it up off the floor and opened it on my lap, making sure the teacher wouldn't see. In a messy hand it read:

What the hell was that!?! I was with you yesterday
after school and that did NOT happen. Are you
trying to get yourself killed!?!?!

Ugh, he doesn't get it. How am I supposed to explain it to him without exposing Ryan's secret? I pulled out a pen and began jotting down excuses.

I was. . . Stalling. I didn't exactly feel like
getting my ass beat today.

When the teacher wasn't looking I threw it back at him. I began taking notes on whatever the teacher was babbling about, when another ball of paper hit me in the side of the head.

What the hell are you two being so secretive about?
<3 Jon

I read it and flipped it over and began writing.

nothing, ugh, I'll explain later

I threw it back. After he read it he looked up at me and gave me a nod. Just as I turned around another piece of paper hit me in the head. I slammed my fist on the desk and glared at Spencer. We had to get a better means of communication.

"Is there a problem Mr. Urie?" Mrs. Jenkins asked from the front of the class.

"No Mrs. Jenkins" I mumbled as i sunk down in my chair. She returned to teaching the class and I surreptitiously picked up the paper and read it.

Look man, Its obvious you like him. Probably more
then you should. I don't want to tell you what to do, but
I'm warning you, this guy's bad news.

That wasn't the response I was expecting, but I'll take it. And as if i don't know he's not good for me? Even If i can convince myself that I don't like him, that doesn't mean I can't pity him right? I folded the paper and slid it back into my pocket. I didn't know how to respond to that. When the bell rang I grabbed my stuff and bolted out of there. I didn't want to face Spencer, or have to explain to Jon. As I was walking passed the bathroom towards my locker, A hand reached out and grabbed my backpack pulling me into the bathroom, causing me to drop all my books.

"Dude, what the hell? I asked as I bent over to pick up my books." When I looked up I saw Ryan standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Sorry, but i need to talk to you." I sighed and leaned up against the door.

"Shoot." I said. I wondered what he could possibly have to talk to me about. Unless he pulled me in here to thank me. Which he should considering I saved his ass.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, his voice full of sorrow, or perhaps guilt.

"Do what?" I asked innocently. "I have no Idea what you're talking about."

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" he pointed a finger at me in accusal. And I threw my arms up in defense.

"Relax! I was just trying to help you!"

"But why? What could possibly be in it for you? Why give a fuck about me!?"

"You're not getting it."

"What is there to get? Just tell my why Brendon!"

"Because I felt sorry for you!" I was shouting now. "Tell me, where did you get that black eye?!" I fought back pointing to the purplish ring around his eye.

"I told you I got in a fight. " He mumbled as he walked back and sat against the wall. Probably sensing I didn't buy it.

"Don't give me that shit. I know you didn't get that from a fight. " He remained silent. I don't know what came over me. But I felt a sudden rush of guilt and sorrow as I watched him sit there, with his head down. He looked like he might break any second. I noticed he held his hand over his shoulder. Like he was protecting it almost. I walked over and knelt down next to him. I slowly began to remove his hand, expecting him to resist or push me away. But instead he just let his hand fall onto his lap. He didn't even look up at me. He just sat there with his face down and away from me. I grabbed a hold of the collar of his shirt, and slowly pulled it to the side exposing his shoulder. I gasped when I saw the deep red line that stretched all the way to the center of his chest. I then lifted the bottom of his long sleeve purple shirt, exposing his stomach. There were giant bruises all over that resembled the color of his shirt. Then I couldn't take anymore. I Put his shirt back down and lifted his face so he was looking at me.

"Ryan," I said softly. Did--did you're dad do this to you?" I was whispering now. He didn't say a word .He closed his eyes and nodded slowly, silent tears falling down his cheeks. I didn't say anything either. I just wrapped my arms around him in a comforting manner. He began to sob into my chest.