Don't Hold Your Breath

I awoke to the sound of someone tapping on my window. What the fuck? What time is it? I glanced at the clock and it said five thirty. What the hell...?

I got up and walked to the window, only to see Kaela standing there in the freezing cold with a worried expression on her face. 

I opened the window, I was about to help her in when I noticed there was a screen in the way. 

"What's going on?" I whispered. She held up the phone. 

"I-I don't know. Someone named Jon and Spencer. Th-they said it was important. It's Brendon..." She was shivering from the freezing cold. I can't believe she came all the way over here at five thirty in the morning, when it's nearly forty degrees outside, to deliver a phone call. She must really care. Either that or she's just too nice. 

"Come around front. I'll let you in." I whispered. She nodded and disappeared walking around front. I met her at the door then quietly tiptoed back to my room so I could take this oh so important phone call. 

She handed me the phone and sat down on the chair attempting to warm up. 

I brought the phone to my ear preparing to scold them. "What the hell? Do you have any idea what time it is?" I whisper yelled into the phone. 

"Ryan," Jon spoke from the other line. "Its important. It's Brendon."

This caught my attention.

"W-what happened?" I asked. Oh god, I hope he didn't get hurt again. 

"Um," he hesitated. 

"Jon! What is it damn it! You're freaking me out!" he sighed, then Spencer's voice appeared on the phone. 

"Ryan, we need your help."

"With what? Will you just tell me what the fuck is going on already?"

"Its Brendon..."

"I know! I've been told this three times! What's wrong with Brendon?!" 

Spencer sighed before answering. "About thirty minutes ago I got a call, it was Brendon saying he needed help. From the sound of it he was desperate. So I hopped in my car and went to go find him. I found him in a dark alley way, lying on the ground. He looked as if he had been beaten up and.... Well. I'm pretty sure he was.... raped. I could smell it on him and there was blood on the back of his pants and I-I couldn't ask him about it because he wouldn't have told me anyways and I just-" 

My eyes widened and I dropped the phone from my ear. raped? Fuck no. No. No. No. Fucking no!!! This has to be some cruel sick joke! 
Not my Brendon. No. It couldn't have. 

After I dropped the phone Kaela jumped up asking me what happened. I didn't respond. I couldn't. I was in to much shock, in to much horror. Tired of me not responding, she picked up the phone herself. 

"Are you still there?.....yeah..... I know. He just froze and now he's not responding..... I don't know. Let me try." 

She held the phone up to my ear so they could talk. 

"Ryan, are you there?" I grabbed the phone and held it to my ear. 

"No! Fuck. Your kidding me right! This has to be some cruel sick joke!" I nearly screamed into the phone. 

"Shh Ryan. Your going to wake your aunt." Kaela reminded me. 

"I'm sorry Ryan......"

"Why? Why are you telling me this? God. Fuck. I knew this would happen. I fucking knew it!" I yelled a little quieter. 

"Because Ryan! We don't know what to do! We don't even know why he was fucking there in the first place! And what do you mean you 'knew this would happen?' Why the fuck was he in a dark alley way at two in the morning!" Spencer began to get defensive. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. 

"I can't tell you." I mumbled. He made me promise not to tell. And if I tell them, then they'll scold him, then he'll know I told them and he'll hate me.

"Ryan, come on please. We can't help him if we don't know anything. And it's not like he'll tell us. If you tell us we can help prevent things like this from happening." He had a good point. 

"Fine. But please don't tell anyone. And please don't tell Brendon I told you. I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone." 

"I promise." they both said at the same time. 

I sighed, preparing for what I was about to do. Sorry Brendon.. "His mom lost her job. And they could afford to pay the bills. So he's been having to sell drugs. His mom doesn't know. No one does. I pleaded for him to stop, to get a real job. And he said that he'd  try. But I guess he must not have tried very hard." I sighed. 

I bit down on my bottom lip, and squeezed my eyes shut just waiting for Spencer's unpleasant reaction. 

"I thought it might be something along those lines." He sighed. That wasn't the reaction I was expecting. 

"Um, what?" 

"Hes been acting really weird the past couple days. He keeps randomly disappearing, then when I found out he was in the hospital I knew something was up."

"What are we going to do?" I whispered into the phone. 

Spencer sighed. "That seems to be the question , doesn't it?"

I felt tears begin to pour down my face. 

"I think I'll talk to him when he wakes up. See if I can get him to tell me himself. If not I'll confront him about it. Get him to talk. We'll do our best to keep track of him and make sure he stays on track.  We should probably get Vicky in on this though." 

I was still crying at this point. 

"Please keep him safe." I begged into the phone. I don't think Spencer has ever seen this side of me. 

"Ill do my best. I'll call later to let you know how he's doing. It'll be up to him weather or not he wants to tell you. "

I just sniffed and mumbled an 'okay' before hanging up. I dropped the phone again and slumped to the ground sobbing. 

Kaela quickly rushed over and began comforting me. She put her arms around me and let me cry into her shoulder. 

"Shh Ryan, it's okay. Everything will be okay." She whispered. 

"No." I cried. "Its not going to be okay. Nothings ever okay! Why do people keep saying it's okay?" I finally objected. It's not okay. Things are not okay. Brendon is not okay. I'm not okay. My boyfriend was raped and beaten because he couldn't pay the bills. And I can't even be there for him. Right now he's laying in bed cold and alone. Hurt and broken. I can't even be there to rap my arms around him and comfort him. Assure him things are okay when they're not. To hold him tight and kiss away the tears. To help him get through this. To remind him that he's not alone. To whisper 'i love you's" in his ear when he knows it's what he needs to hear. 

I can't do any of that, because of a drunken mistake my father made ten years ago.

Instead, I have to be two thousand miles away, not able to protect the one who I care most about. 

Instead I have to have a new scar running along my chest. 

Instead my boyfriend had t be raped and beaten because I couldn't protect him. 

Instead, I cry myself to sleep every night praying for this nightmare to end.