Don't Hold Your Breath

It had been a couple days since Brendon found out my secret. He sat there with me for probably an entire class period. Neither of us said a word, not even when the bell rang, and i rushed out as people flooded into the bathroom. I didn't come to school the next day either. I didn't exactly want to face Brendon, who knows what he thought about my little episode. I still can't believe I told him. Well more like confirmed what he already knew. I can only hope he didn't tell anyone. Because if he did, my life would just get a hundred times worse. If there's not enough proof, then my beatings would just get a lot worse from my father from blabbing, but if they do arrest him they'd probably send me to some group home or orphanage or something. Or even worse, they could send me to live with my crazy aunt in the heart of Alabama.I shutter at the thought.
It was Saturday and I was all by myself. My dear father was at work and wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Which I guess is a good thing...... but i seriously need a distraction. I wish i could just go out and face the world, instead of being a coward sitting in his room wallowing in self pitty. 
Just then, as if in response to my thoughts, my cell phone began to buzz in my pocket. The caller ID read 'Elizabeth'. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with her, But I answered it none the less.

"Hello?" I answered dully.

"Hey Ryry! Why weren't you at school yesterday?"

 She sounded distracted, like she could really care less. I could have told her I was off enslaving an entire race of giant army worms on Pluto and she would have just brushed it aside.

"I wasn't feeling very up to it." which was true. But she didn't have to know why. its not like she would care anyways.

"Oh, well, my parents are out of town for the weekend, and i was wondering, if you wanted to some visit me, I'm pretty lonely" Of course, she only 'cared' about me when she wanted a good fuck.

"Sorry hun, but I'm really not feeling very well. Maybe next time." I hung up the phone before she could respond. I know what you're thinking. "You're sitting there complaining about being bored and alone and you completely blow off  your girlfriend? what the hell is wrong with you?!" Well the truth is, I would rather sit here on a Saturday night and sulk then hang out with that bitch. So why am I dating her if i don't like her? Because my dad would probably kill me if I broke up with her. He suspects that I'm a fag already, breaking up with her would probably just make him think so even more. Besides, what father wouldn't want his son to date a rich popular cheerleader?
There was a knock at the door that interrupted my thoughts. I glanced out my window to see who it was. If it was Elizabeth or something I would Probably just ignore it. But to my surprise a familiar looking messy brown haired boy stood in front of my house. An unexpected smile came to my face when I saw him. I don't know why I was smiling.  He was the main reason I didn't go to school yesterday. But for some reason I was happy. But I was also confused as to why he was here. . . If it was to check up on me, I must say, I wouldn't appreciate it very much.
I wiped the smile off my face, and rushed downstairs.

"hey." he said as soon as I opened the door. 

"um, hi." I responded lamely. He gave me a weird look before speaking again. 

"um, I brought you your homework from yesterday." he pulled a few papers out of his bag that looked like notes from a lecture and a few instructions from the teacher, and handed it to me. 

"hey, um do you want to come in?" I offered as I took the papers. 

"sure..." he seemed uncertain. 

"don't worry. My dads not here. " I said jokingly. He was looking at me like I was crazy. Like how could I possibly joke about something like that? 

"Um, Ryan....."

"here why don't I show you up to my room. It's cleaner up there." I cut him off. 

"Er, okay." I know he wanted to talk to me about what happened. But I didn't want to talk about it. So it was kinda stupid of me to invite him in. But I needed the company. 

I dragged him upstairs and opened my door. 
"Tada" I sang as I opened the door. I cleared off a spot on my bed and gestured for him to sit down. He reluctantly walked in and sat on my bed. 

"Ryan, I need to talk to you." he finally spit out. 

"So how was school yesterday?" I asked changing the subject.  

"Ryan, I'm being serious." I finally caved. I knew letting him would be a mistake. Who am I kidding. I practically dragged him in here. 

"fine. What do you want to talk about?" I sat next to him on the bed. 

"Look, about yesterday, or Thursday I should say-" 
"what about it." I interrupted. I could tell I was getting on his nerves. 

"Will you let me talk!" he finally yelled out of frustration. And that shut me up. I closed my mouth and let him continue. 
"I-I just can't figure it out. Why did you trust me? Me of all people? Someone you just met? I mean the other day I saw you sitting there, and you could have easily pushed me away, and told me a different reason for your scars and bruises....... It's just why did you trust me?" this is what he wanted to talk about? I thought it was obvious why I told him. Because I didn't. I just confirmed what he already knew. There was a pause before I spoke. 

"Are you finished?" I asked. I didn't want to get yelled at again. He looked down and nodded.  "okay, well it wasn't like I had much of a choice. You obviously already knew. I mean I could have lied but you wouldn't have believed me."

"So you only trust me because you don't have a choice?" he sounded a little hurt. 

"No- well yes, but, I, Brendon, it's nothing personal, I mean, I'm not one to easily trust. Why do you think I haven't told anyone? Not just my friends, but even my own family. Not even my cousin, and were extremely close."

"Its cool. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone. " he still seemed a little down. 

"Thanks." I smiled meekly. There was a bit of an awkward silence before he stood up. 

"I should probably get going then....."  he began walking towards the door.

"wait." I said. I didn't want him to leave yet. He turned around. 

"yeah?"

"erm, do you want to spend the night?" I blurted without thinking. 

"why? I thought you didn't want to he friends." he said sourly. Wow. He makes me sound like a total ass. 

"I never said that. I said it wouldn't be a good idea, and that I can't. Not that I didn't want to."

"There's a difference? And besides if we 'can't' be friends, then why do you want me to spend the night?"

"just because we can't hang out in public doesn't mean we can't hang out here. . ." I must be crazy. What am I doing? This isn't going to end well. 

"so you want to 'secretly' be friends?" he asked in disbelief. 

"uh, yeah, sure, secret friends." sounds cheesey but it could work. 

"you don't have to do this you know. I'm not going to tell anyone." he must still be mad at me for what happened at his house..... Or maybe he's not mad..... Just ...... Cautious. 

"so you don't want to be friends?" I asked innocently enough. 

"only if you do. I don't want to be friends because you feel like you have to, to keep your secret safe." he mumbled. 

"Brendon..." I groaned. "how many times do I have to tell you. I want to be friends." he didn't say anything. He just stood there. "so it's settled then. I'll order pizza."

~*~
"oh shit!" he exclaimed as we sat down to eat. 

"what is it?!" he nearly gave me a heart attack. 

"My mom is hosting this stupid church thing tonight and she said I had to be there. I completely forgot about it, and it starts in......." he glanced at the clock. "Seven minutes!!" he rushed up and ran towards the door. 

"So your not spending the night?" I yelled after him as he ran out the door. He turned around so that he was walking backwards. 

"I'll try and cut out early! I'll be back in a little bit, but my mom will ax murder me if I don't show!" he shouted back, tripping over the curb, and falling on his ass in the process. I about fell over laughing as he picked himself up and sprinted back to his house. After I  calmed myself, I sat down on the couch and finished eating. About ten minutes after Brendon left, the front door swung open, and my father stood there, reeking of alcohol.