Don't Hold Your Breath

After Brendon ran out I sat there in shock. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I tried to form words but failed.

"I-I Wa- ugh, NO!" I managed to spit out. "H-how is that possible? I-I thought, I thought you moved here from Chicago?"

She sighed before responding. "When she was seventeen, my sister got in a fight with my parents and ran off with some guy. It had been years before I would contact her again. Or more like she would contact me. About three years after she left, I got a phone call telling me she had gotten married. I was hurt that she never even told me about the wedding. . . but that was the least of my worries. From that day on, we would exchange phone calls every now and then, send an occasional letter, and what not, but we weren't as close as we were before she left. And what i mean by that is, she would leave out certain details. Like having a child. . . one day I got a picture in the mail of her holding an adorable baby boy with dark brown hair who looked to be a few months old. she never once told me she was pregnant. . . But anyways, getting off track. . . suddenly the letters and phone calls stopped coming. Then I heard on the news that a "Miss Sarah Ross" had gone missing. . . I thought it was just a coincidence that you had the same last names. . . Ross is a fairly common last name right. . . ? When I met you i never would have thought. . . "

Listening to her story brought back strange memories of my mother. Me as a small child, maybe five or so, sitting on her lap, playing with her hair as she read the news paper, or her helping me find my lost shoe that happened to be under my bed. I felt a few warm tears well up in my eyes.

For the first time in maybe ten years. . .

I really truly missed my mother.

Now not only do I have to deal with the fact the my boyfriend is my cousin. . .

Fuck.

Can I even call him my boyfriend? Is he still my boyfriend? what the fuck am I supposed to do? The only person I've ever truly loved, who loved me back, probably wants nothing to do with me.

What am I supposed to do? Remember when I said that he was my only reason for living? The only fucking thing keeping me tied to this earth? Yeah still true. Is he still going to want to be with me after all this? DO I want to be with him? Fuck! of course I do! I love him! If we're related, not supposed to be together, why is it that with every kiss, every touch, every time he looked me in the eyes, it felt so right? I felt at home. I felt like nothing should be able to tear us apart. and up until now, with everything we have faced, nothing has. Until now.

I didn't respond to Ms. Urie. I couldn't. I just sat there. My head down and my hair shielding my face, shielding my tears. I heard Aunt Grace get up from the table. I don't know where she was going.Probably to find Brendon. And I didn't care.yes I did.

Brendon's POV

I found myself sitting on the nearest park bench thinking over what had just happened. Why? Why can't we ever just catch a fucking break? What am I supposed to do? Break up with him? No. I can;t do that. I can't even think that. That would kill me. It would kill Ryan. It just cant happen. So what are you supposed to do when you find out the love of your life is your fucking cousin?! We can't be together. But we can't be apart either. both of us nearly died because we were separated.

But why. why do I feel like we're so perfect for each other if we're not meant to be together?

"Brendon, there you are!" I looked up to see my mom standing above me. I didn't respond. I didn't need to talk to anyone right now. The only person that could make me feel better is the reason I'm feeling this way.

"Brendon. . . I wish I could tell you everything id going to be okay . . . but I honestly don't know. " she said sitting down next to me. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug as I let the tears escape down my face.

" Mom, I don't know what to do either. I love him. I really love him. But i can't. I'm not supposed to. What am I going to do? I can't live without him!"

"Bren, I don't know. I just don't know."

That's not what i wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that this was all some big joke or misunderstanding. I wanted an answer. I can't picture myself with anyone but him. If I have to break up with him, there's not way I can move on.

Maybe I just needed some space from him to think. If I'm near him I'm going to feel the need to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. And I can't do that until i figure this out.

"Mom?" I whispered.

"Yes honey?"

"Can you take me back to the room?"

"Yeah let's go. You look like you could use some rest."

~*~

Ryan's POV

Days passed. I haven't seen Brendon since he ran out of my kitchen. I don't think I've come out of my room either. I heard Vicky, Spencer, and Jon were constantly trying to get Brendon out of bed, and Kaela, Gabe and Will are always over here trying to make me feel better and talk me into leaving my room.

None of it's working.

It was eleven thirty six on Thursday night and Brendon was leaving tomorrow.

I felt numb.

I couldn't be upset that Brendon was leaving. I couldn't be upset that I was loosing the love of my life. Inside I felt numb.

I fell asleep again.

I dreamed of Brendon.

~*~

I woke up the next morning and glanced at the clock.

Eight Seventeen.

In a few hours Brendon would be up and getting ready to catch his flight.

Back to Nevada.

I wouldn't see him for three months.

If i decided to go back at all.

Why should I? Whats waiting for me there besides the one thing i can't have?

There was a knock on my door again. That i ignored again. I heard the door open slowly and I pretended to sleep.

"Ryan, you need to get up now." It was my aunt. Why should I? I didn't respond.

"Ryan, I mean it. There's someone at the door for you. you stop wallowing in your self pitty and get your butt out of bed now." she sounded stern. I decided to come back to life and see who it was. It was probably Kaela or Gabe no doubt. Although they usually just barge in. I don't see why they wouldn't this time.

I slipped on some clothes that just happened to be laying on the floor, and walked out the door. I made my way into the living room and stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe who was sitting on the couch.