Don't Hold Your Breath

After tons of begging and convincing, my mom finally let me cut out early. When I arrived at Ryans I knocked at the door. There was no answer so I tried again.

Still no answer. 
I decided he was probably upstairs and didn't hear the door or in the shower or something so I let my self in, and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw it. The blood soaked shirt, the broken glass, and the helpless boy crippled in the corner, passed out. 

I rushed over and knelt next to him. Still in a state of shock I wasn't sure what to do. I pulled his head onto my lap, and attempted to wake him up by gently patting his face. 
Then finally his eyes fluttered open. I breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him close. He gasped in what I assume was pain in response. I quickly let go. 

"Ryan I'm so sorry. I- w-what happened..?!" I began freaking out. 

"I-I...... my dad....." he choked out. I just looked at him. Not sure what to do or say. Then suddenly he gasped and rolled over clenching his stomach and groaning in pain.  

"Ryan.... Ryan! Look at me! Let me see!" I was yelling trying to get him under control. Finally I got him to lay on his back. I then lifted his shirt where he was holding, and revealed a deep gash across his stomach.  

"Oh. My. God. " I breathed out. I looked over and he was slowly slipping under consciousness. "Ryan! No, wake up. You have to stay with me. I'm going to call an ambulance." I said patting his face again. 

"No! Y-you can't. They'll s-send me away! P-please Brendon..." the last part was just a breath. I ripped off my shirt and tied it around his waist to try and stop, or at least slow the bleeding. "Ryan, I promise they won't send you away." I assured him. He just looked at me. The fear clear in his eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder. "I promise." 

~*~

After the ambulance came, they loaded him on to the gurney, and the questions came. 

"So what exactly happened here Mr. Urie?" an older lady, who looked to be in her mid 50's asked me. Her name tag read "Lisa" we were standing outside the ambulance and I was getting nervous. I was hoping they would let me ride in the ambulance but that won't happen of I have to sit here and answer stupid questions all day.

"I um came in and he was passed out on the floor.... He said that uh... A-er someone broke into the house..... And he tried to defend himself I guess." I said not so smoothly. He said he didn't want to be sent away...... Whatever that meant. But I assumed it had something to do with his secret. The one I promised I'd keep no matter what. I had to make something up. 

"I see..." she wrote down some notes on a clip board. 

"What about his parents?" 

"Its just his dad. And he's off on a business trip over seas. " I lied smoothly. I was getting better.....

"I see..... Well that'll be all thanks. " she began to walk away. 

"wait! Can I come please!" I yelled after her. She turned around. 

"sorry, only family is allowed to ride in the ambulance." she said bluntly. 

"No! But.... I'm his brother!" I blurted out. She looked at me suspiciously. 

"I see, Mr. Urie, then why exactly are your last names different?"
Shit. I hadn't thought of that. 

"Ross is my maiden name....." I blurted out again with out thinking. I was so stupid! What was I thinking. Maiden name? I'm an idiot. 

She just looked at me like I was a maniac. I gave her a pleading look in return. She let out a sigh of defeat. 
"Alright fine. Hop in. But you have to ride up in front." I held in a girlish squeal and hopped in as instructed. After my excitement from breaking the ruled faded, my nerves kicked in. I hope he's okay back there. What if he lost too much blood? What if they have To do surgery? WHAT IF HE PASSES OUT AND GOES INTO A COMA?!?!??! I was still freaking out when they pulled into the hospital.

~*~

I sat there for a few hours waiting for him to wake up, just because I didn't want him to wake up and be alone. I was the only one who knew he was here. None of his 'friends' knew about his situation, his father is probably passed out at some bar somewhere out of state, and his mother left him when he was little. The way I saw it, I was the only one he had. And no, that's not me being conceited. I mean, sure he managed fine before I came along. But if I hadn't found him bleeding on the floor, who knows how'd he be coming along. 

Or maybe . . . 

Maybe I was the reason this happened. I've only known him for about a month, but I can already tell he's changed from the first time we met. Maybe his father noticed it.... Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe Ryan acted out for some reason because of me. Maybe this is all my fault, and I only convinced myself that he needed me because I'm falling for him. Maybe I need him more then he needs me.

I was looking down at my hands, so I didn't notice when he did wake up. 
"B-Brendon?" he stuttered interrupting my thoughts. 

"oh thank God. You're awake. " 

"W-what h-happened?" 

"You don't remember?" I asked. 

His eyes widened at the memory. 
"No, I mean, how did I get here?" 

"You kept trying to pass out on me so I called an ambulance. I told them someone broke into the house, and that I was your brother."  his eyes softened a bit. 

"Thanks Brendon. How long have you been here?" 

"I got here the same time you did. A couple hours ago. I got to ride up front in the ambulance." I was still proud of the fact I was able to convince that lady. Although she probably just took pitty on me. 

"I thought they only let family do that." 

"Well duh, that why I told them I was your brother. But then I made the mistake of telling them my last name.... So when she noticed I blurted out that I was married and Ross was my maiden name....which was really stupid......" He blinked, then burst out into laughter.  

"Ouch..... Shit!" he muttered between laughs. "Don't to that to me. It hurts to laugh!" he said punching me in the arm. "and yes you are an idiot."

"hey, I said it was stupid not that I was an idiot!" I defended. But I couldn't keep a straight face. I burst out laughing. 

Soon enough..... The doctor came in.

"well,I heard laughing so assumed that meant Ryan was awake. How are you feeling dear? Asked a woman who appeared to be on her mid thirties. She had her blond hair pulled back into a bun, was overly sweet. Her name tag read "Susan"

"I feel fine. When can I go home?" he asked eagerly. 

"As soon as you can walk sweetie."

She continued to ask him questions and evaluate him, and I began thinking. How couldhe we be so cheerful and laughing after what happened? I mean Ryan could have died and here I am laughing at my stupidity. I need to have a talk with him, the only thing is, it's not my place. Like I said. I've known the guy for a month. And even though I know so much about him........ He'd probably get upset. But I can't be healthy for him to treat these injuries and attacks like they're nothing. Maybe this is just his way of dealing. But he shouldn't keep these things bottled up. It could result in pain. Well, more pain. 

"Hey Brendon, what's the matter?" I glanced up and the doctor was gone. He held a concerned look in his eyes. 

"Oh it's nothing. So do you wanna try and walk? Maybe get out of that gown thingy?" I said quickly changing the subject.

"Uh, sure. The doc drugged me up pretty well so I'm not is as much pain." he began to attempt to sit up. He flinched a little, so I assume he wasn't completely numb. After removing the blankets he slowly swung his legs over to the side, his feet touching the floor. I decided to help him before he tried to stand up on his own. I carefully swung my arm around his waist and helped his as he found his balance. 

"ha. Success." he grinned as he stood. Seriously. How can he be so happy? I guess I'm going to have to talk with him.... We slowly made our way out of the room, Ryan holding on to me for support.

~*~

When we finally got back to Ryans house I saw the worst sight possible. My mother was standing outside Ryans house with tears in her eyes talking to an officer. I got out of the car and paid the taxi driver, then helped Ryan out of the car. As soon as she saw me she ran over and embraced me. Ignoring the fact I was trying to help Ryan stand up.

"Brendon! I was so worried! I saw the ambulance, so I came over and all they told me was one of you boys was injured and there was a break in or something! I can't believe you didn't tell me! You've been gone for hours! You are never to do that again young man, do you hear me?" 

"Yes mom." I responded. She looked at me with sincere eyes. 

"Well at least you're alright." She hugged me once more. I glared at Ryan who was holding back a laugh.

"Excuse me son, are you Ryan Ross?" the police officer approached Ryan. 

"Er, yeah." he seemed hesitant. 

"I'm going to have to ask you a few questions. Will you come with me please?" he gestured for him to follow. He gave me a worried look then hobbled over to where the police officer was. The police officer was obviously going to ask him about the "break in". I just hope he was a good liar and story teller....

~*~

After the police officer left, my mother invited Ryan to stay the night until his dad got back because it "wasn't safe". If only she knew the half of it. Luckily the officer bought that Ryan "didn't remember what the robber looked like because of the meds and he was unconscious." But he told the officer he wouldn't press charges. So everything was fine right? Wrong. 
There was still the fact that when his father returned from where ever he was he would be in just as much danger as usual. There was also the fact that his reactions to his fathers beatings are...... Not natural. He can't just bottle these things up. He'll end up getting really hurt.

"Hey Ry, can I talk to you?" I asked as we made our way up to my room. 

"um, sure." he responded. I waited until we were in my room with the door closed to ask him. I didn't want my parents to over hear......

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" I didn't mean to sound so.... Harsh, that's just how it came out. 

"What are you talking about!?" he became instantly defensive. 

"Were you there two hours ago? When you woke up in the hospital bed? how can you be acting like nothing happened? You almost died for Petes sake!" this probably wasn't the best approach to take, yelling at him wouldn't fix anything, neither would taking my frustration out on him. 

"What the hell does Pete have to do with anything?!" he shot back. He wasn't taking me seriously. 

"This isn't a joke Ryan! I'm being serious!" 

"Look Brendon, I'm fine alright? Just drop it. " 

"Ryan, please. You were just in the hospital because of your father! And you're acting like you could care less!" 

"Look maybe I'm just used to it. Ever think about that?" Used to it? He's gone insane. 

"Ryan, that's not the kind of thing you get used to. If anything it must get worse. "

"Like you know? You with the perfect parents that never fight! Parents that accept you no matter who you are! A mother that loves you and didn't abandon you!" The tears started pouring down his face. That did it. I had gotten through. But he thinks my family is perfect. That my parents would accept me no matter what. Yeah, right. As long as "no matter what" means " straight Mormon boy who follows the religion"

"Ryan......"

"Save it. I'm going home. " he brushed passed me towards the door, but I grabbed his arm and swung him around so he was facing me. I looked his in the eyes. They were red and filled with tears, and a mix of sorrow and frustration. But they softened. The tears still pouring down his face. I opened my mouth as is to say something, but no words came out. Instead I found myself wrapping my arms around his waist pulling him into a tight embrace. He didn't pull away, nor did he Hug me back. He just continued to cry into my shoulder. I gently rubbed his back in a comforting manner. 

After a couple minutes he pulled away. 

"Thank you Brendon. For everything. For lying to the cops.... For letting me stay here, for Saving my fucking life, and.... For not giving up on me." he whispered the last part. The sincerity in his voice made me want to cry. I was such a baby. I looked into his eyes, but then found my eyes traveling down to his lips. I know I shouldn't. I know it's wrong. I know I told myself I wouldn't fall for him. But I can't help myself. And if my mom hadn't walked in right then and there, I don't think I would have stopped myself from making a huge mistake. If I would have kissed him it would have ruined everything. The fact that we were finally becoming close as friends, the fact that he was beginning to trust me. Not because he had to, but because he knew he could. I didn't want to ruin that. But I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind at this very moment. 

"Boys, dinner will be ready soon. Be sure to wash up." 

"Okay mom. " I said taking a step away from Ryan. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and I could only hope he didn't notice.  But then I noticed he was a little flushed too. I'd give anything to know what he's thinking right now.