Don't Hold Your Breath

I sat emotionless in my room. My tears were gone, probably just because I was empty. Empty of everything. Not just tears. 

Kaela sat next to me, giving supporting pats on the back but not speaking a word. Just there for moral support. 

Gabe was there too. Most likely unsure of what to say or do, but felt the need to be there nonetheless. 

My phone rang again. I ignored it again. I didn't need to talk to anyone. 

This time, Gabe answered it, disturbing the silence. 

"Hello?" He sounded kind of bitter. "I don't really think he wants to talk to anyone right now." Gabe explained. "Alright. If it's that important..." he cut off and handed me the phone.

"Its uh... Ms. Urie." He said hesitantly handing me that phone. "She said it's important." 

I decided to take the phone, not only because of curiosity, but because if she was calling my cell I knew something had to be up. 

"Hello?" It was the first word I spoke since I finished crying. I sounded weak and unhealthy. 

"Ryan, thank God. Is Brendon with you?" I winced at the sound of his name. She sounded frantic, and probably had no idea of what happened between Brendon and I. 

"N-no. I haven't s-seen him since y-yesterday." I tried really hard not to let the memories come flooding back into mind. If they did, no doubt I'd start crying again. 

"Oh god. Ryan, he didn't come home last night. I w-was really hoping he was with you." 

"No. I have no idea where he is. H-he stopped by yesterday-" I stopped not wanting to go any further. 

"Did he say where he was going when he left?" She asked eagerly. 

"No." I said solemnly. I swear I heard a sniff on the other line. Please tell me she's not crying. "Have you tried some of his other friends? Maybe Vicky?"

"Yeah. None of them have seen him either. You were my last resort." She mumbled into the phone sounding more stressed out and worried then ever. 

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. 

"My baby is missing." She mumbled so quietly I'm sure it wasn't meant for me to hear. "Thank you Ryan. Please let me know if you see him." She mumbled again before hanging up. I set the phone down and Kaela and Gabe both looked at me curiously. 

"Brendon's missing." 

~*~

Brendon's POV

I sat in my car, trying to sleep. I was probably somewhere in southern California by now. I had been driving all day and I just needed sleep. 

Though I guess people like me don't deserve such luxuries. 

I'm a stupid, lying, dick. That's what I am. 

Every word I spoke to Ryan was a lie. I lied. But I had to. If I didn't, he would get hurt. Physically. Over time he would probably get over me, but I couldn't let Ryan get hurt by them.

It about killed me seeing him like that. I had to go in there, knowing I would probably never see him again, and break his heart. 

It was almost impossible. 

Every word I spoke was the opposite of what I really meant.      

"You're too much. I can't stand you anymore."

You're perfect. I can't stand to be away from you.

"I don't love you."

I love you more then anything in the world

"I need to get away from you."

I need you at my side.

"You've brought nothing but misery into my life."

You've brought nothing but happiness and pleasure into my life.

"You're the reason my dad left. You're the reason my mom is unhappy. The reason I'm unhappy."

You're the reason I made it through all the shit I've been put through.

Those words were almost impossible to speak. I had to force them out, and with them came tears. 

 I had to go and fucking break his heart because of a stupid mistake I made. Not only him, but my mother too. I just left, with no note, no nothing. It kills me to so this to her, but I couldn't have her in danger. If I had stayed, they would not only find me, and hurt me, but my loved ones too. 

Maybe now they'll follow me and leave my friends and family alone. Word will get out that I'm missing, and they'll go on search for me. 

Just because I couldn't get them what they fucking wanted. 

They ran me out of my own fucking house and home.

Fucking bastards. 

I got home after a day spent with Ryan, to find it empty. My mom left me a note saying she went to the store, so I was all alone. I was about to go up to my room when I noticed the mail sitting on the counter. Curious, I picked it up and looked through it. A few of them were already opened. 

One of them being my mothers final paycheck.

She never told me she lost her job. 

Another was unopened, but was stamped "overdue" in red letters across the front. I opened it, revealing that we only had six days to get caught up on our mortgage before we would get forclosed on. 

Shit. 

My moms paycheck wasn't half as much as we owed. 

I had to do something. 

I took the letter up to my room, hoping to hide it from my mother, and went to my secret "stash." 

So when I got busted for selling the drugs a while back, I still had some left over that I never got around to actually selling. 

I promised Ryan, Jon, and Spencer, that I would never come near this stuff again, no matter how bad things got. 

Too bad promises can be broken.

~*~

I soon found myself standing outback behind an old deserted market, Pete standing right in front of me.

He gave me the money, and I in exchange gave him the proper amount of Oxycontin.  

"Alright, sweet man, who would have thought that the Urie kid would be the one with all the hook ups?"   

"Pete, you can't tell anyone. Especially Ryan." I warned him. 

He wore a smug grin on his face. He would do whatever it took to get what he wanted. 

"I won't. I promise." 

"Promises can be broken. I need you to swear to me you won't tell him. He can't find out. " 

He looked as if he was beginning to grow impatient. 

He held his hand up as if reciting an oath before speaking. "I swear, I won't say a word to Ryan Ross, or anyone else." I ignored the fact that he had a mocking tone to his voice and began to walk away. 

The entire time, the phrase repeating it's self in my head. 

Promises can be broken.

"Wait!" He called after me. I stopped and turned to face him. "If it's more... buyers.... You're looking for, I could hook you up with some friends who would pay big time for this stuff." 

I looked at him skeptically. "Really?" I asked. 

"Yeah. I can give you their numbers." 

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I questioned. It was weird. What happened to the Pete I've known for the last year?

"Because, a guy's gotta help his buddy right?"

Buddy? 

I decided not to question it, in case he changed his mind. 

I needed the money. There has to be more were behind on. I'll just continue this until my mom can get back on her feet. 

"There's one thing you should know though. This guy is dangerous. You don't want to mess with him.  

 

I'm sorry Ryan. 

~*~

I stood facing a big man who looked to be in his mid twenties. Pete's "friend." Although, I wondered how a eighteen year old as tiny as Pete managed to "mingle" with someone like this. He stood about 6'1 and looked to be about 230  pounds. He was dressed in a black sweatshirt and over sized basketball shorts, and looked very intimidating. 

"You got it?" He asked in a low, quite frighting voice. 

"Y-yeah." I mentally slapped myself for stuttering. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small zip-lock baggy filled with little white pills. 

"Awh, nice." He said reaching for the bag. I reflexively pulled it back. Normally I wouldn't hand over the goods until I got the money. "Oh I see." he said reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a wad of bills and counted out seven hundred. "Here ya go kid." he said handing me the money. I exchanged the drugs for the money, and he began to walk away.

I looked at the money in my hand, and took a second to build up the courage. 

"Uh, wait!" He stopped and turned around. "I-I need more then this." I muttered. I said stupidly. 

Biggest mistake of my life.

A smirk grew on his face. 

"Ill tell you what. I'll pay you in advance. I'll give you four hundred more, if you bring me more tomorrow." He said counting out four more hundred dollar bills. "Same time, same place."

I nodded in agreement, I thought I was safe. I had a little bit more hidden in my closet. I'm sure it was enough to get four hundred dollars for.

I didn't know what Pete was talking about. This guy seemed nice and reasonable enough. 

For a druggie that is. 

We went out separate ways, me feeling like I had solved everything. I felt relieved almost. 

I went home. My mom was asleep, which gave me the chance to sneak in grab the overdue bills, and take them to the post office along with the money. If she asked I would probably just tell her that it was money I had saved up, and she didn't have to worry about it. 

~*~

The next day I showed up at the same place, and same time as the day before. He was about five minutes late. I glanced up when I heard foot steps approaching me. I was surprised to see that it wasn't the large man I had encountered the previous day, but a much shorter, younger looking man. I began to panic at little. I didn't recognize this man, and he was walking right towards me. I looked down at the ground hoping to avoid eye contact, but suddenly I was being pushed up against the wall. 

The man held a knife to my throat. "Empty your pockets. Now." He ordered. I began to do as instructed, but it wasn't fast enough. He gave me a hard punch in the stomach that sent me flying on to the ground in pain. I lied on the ground in an almost fetal position, gasping. He took this advantage to steal my sweatshirt and raid my pockets. He took everything. Including the drugs. 

Including the drugs. 

He ran off and left me there. I began to pick myself off the ground when more footsteps approached. 

No. I thought. Not now. Please no. 

"Got my stuff kid?" 

I looked up at him, fear apparent on my face. 

"I-I He- I was-" I was a stuttering mess. What was I going to do? I didn't have his Oxycontin, and I didn't have the money to repay him either. 

"Do you have it or not?" He sounded angry. I was so dead. 

"N-No." I spit out. Suddenly I was being pushed up against the wall again. 

"We made a deal kid." He growled. "I payed you in advance, and you were supposed to bring the stuff today. I want my Oxycontin." He didn't loosen his grip. In fact, he pushed harder. 

"I-I was mugged." I spit out, breathless. 

He loosened his grip and took a step back. 

"Alright. I'm an understanding man. Give me my money back and your off the hook." He negotiated. 

I froze. Shit. The money was in an envelope... At the post office... Getting ready to be shipped off. 

He chuckled humorlessly. "You've spent it already haven't you?" I didn't answer. I was scared shitless. 

Yet again I was being pushed up against the wall. 

"Listen Brendon," Fuck. He knows my name? "I have ways of getting what I want." I felt something hard and cold press against the side of me head. My heart nearly stopped when I heard a click. "If you don't get me my money, or my Oxycontin, I will find you. I will track you down, and kill anyone that gets in my way. You're going to get it to me by Sunday, or I will find you, and kill you. Remember, I'll be watching you. I know where you live. I'll know if you try to leave town." He brought his fist down hard on my shoulder. "Now get out of here. Next time I won't be so forgiving. "

I slid away from him, his pistol, and his friends, and I ran for my dear life. 

I jumped in my car and sped off. I didn't have the money to pay him back, and I had no way of obtaining any more Oxycontin. That was the last of it. I had to leave town. If I stayed... He would hunt me down and hurt my friends and family. If I left he would follow me, he would leave them alone, and I would deal with him on my own. 

But of course something, or someone, crossed my mind. 

Ryan. 

He would never let me go alone. And I couldn't put him in danger. 

No one could know what was happening. If they did, they either wouldn't let me go, or they would try and come with me, completely defeating the purpose. 

I would have to do this the hard way. I would have to convince Ryan I didn't love him, and I would have to break his heart. I wanted to cry just thinking about it. If it weren't a life or death situation, there's no way I could do it. I could never lie to him and break his heart on purpose. But this is for his sake.

I drove up to his house, preparing for what I was about to do. I had to stay strong to make it believable. I definitely could not break down crying telling him how much I love him. 

When I left his house, I went by own, seeing that my mother was still at work, grabbed a few of my possessions, and left. This excluded my cell phone. If I took it with me they could track me down, and if I left it they could go through my last calls and figure out my little "career choice." so I had no choice other then to smash it. 

I grabbed the picture of me and Ryan, (a copy of the one I gave him in Alabama.) some spare money, (only about 84 dollars) hopped in my car, and sped off out of town.

I was hoping to make it to Alex's cabin. He's in Vegas currently, and it's empty. I could break in and use it as a place to stay. I finally started to feel sleepy, and let myself fall into a dreamless sleep, hoping this would all disappear as a bad dream when I woke up.