Don't Hold Your Breath

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The sudden "Boom" of the gunshot was ringing in my ears. Suddenly an excruciating pain radiated throughout the upper left side of my body.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Fucking Beep.

I fell back against the wall, and somehow ended up on the ground. My vision began to blur, and the last thing I remember seeing was Ryan’s horror struck face. I blacked out. Just barely I heard the faint sound of people yelling to call "911" and to "not let him get away." whatever that means. That was the last thing my conscious mind witnessed before being completely gone.

Beep.

There's that fucking beeping noise again.

It's driving me insane.

I slowly opened my eyes, revealing nothing more then a dark room. The pain I felt before was mostly gone.

I tried to sit up. Bad idea. Yeah, remember what I said about the Paine being mostly gone? Yeah, not true.

I winced before letting out a sigh and giving up.

I sat in silence for a minute letting my mind register.

The last thing I remembered was Ryan hitting the guy over the head with the gun, him falling to the ground, then pointing his gun at me and pulling the trigger.

Damn it. That bastard actually shot me.

Well that explains then pain in my left shoulder.

That must also mean that I'm in the hospital.

I hope.

But wait, where is everybody? And what happened to druggie? Did he get away? What if he's still out to get me?! Did the cops come? Did they find out about my dealing?! Am I going to prison!!!??

So many questions.

I decided that for now I should just be grateful that I'm alive. Maybe relax a little for the first time in like a million years.

After a while, my eyes finally began to adjust to the darkness, and I was able to make out large silhouettes in the faint moonlight radiating from the curtianless window.

I looked around, familiarizing myself with mycell room, when I noticed I wasn't alone. Sitting on the floor propped up against the wall was a tall skinny boy who was hugging his knees to his chest. He was quiet, motionless, and breathing deeply so I assumed he was sleeping.

I should have let him sleep, I really should have, after all the things I've put him through, but I couldn't help myself.

"R-Ryan?" My voice sounded rough and unused. It also came out quieter then I intended; he didn't budge so I tried again.

"Ry?" It came out a little louder but just as rough.

I must have startled him because his head snapped up and he jumped to his feet.

"B-Bren?" He walked to the other side of the room and flipped the lights on, temporarily blinding me. "Sorry- Thank God you're finally awake." he said walking over to me.

He grabbed my hand and sat down in the chair next to me. It seems like after he did this, some sort of realization washed over him and he let go of my hand...

Did I do something wrong?

I decided that I was probably just over thinking things and I should ignore it. So I started with the most commonly asked question:

"What happened?" He looked down at me with blood shot eyes. Ryan was a mess. His hair was all over the place, he had dark rings under his eyes, and he just look sleep deprived. "I mean after the shooting..."

"Um, well, after you... Collapsed, the police were already on their way thanks to Vicky. As for the guy... Well you don't have to worry about him. I kinda sorta freaked out and knocked him unconscious before the cops came... It turns out he's a wanted criminal..... So he'll be gone for a long time. After he shot you, the rest of them all ran off, but I don't think you have to worry about that." he explained.

"Oh, wow." Was all I could manage to say. "I'm so sorry I put you guys through all this shit. It's all my fault. "

He looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "No Brendon, none of this is your fault. You were just trying to help your mom. I think that's very noble of you." he said placing his hand on top of mine.

I didn't really believe him, but I was in no mood to argue.

"Where is everyone?" I asked changing the subject.

"Vicky, Jon, Spencer, and Pete are all back at the hotel. Everyone else is still back in Vegas." he explained.

Wait, Pete?

"Does my mom know?" I really hope she didn't. Although I would have to come up with some sort of explanation as to why I was gone....

"Probably, and if she doesn't, then she'll find out soon."

Great....

Now for the important question.

"How exactly did you guys find me? It seems like you popped out of nowhere." I asked.

"Well that's a bit of a long story too..." He started. "It started when we decided to go out to lunch, taking a break from the search... When we ran into Pete and his buddies, we asked them if they had seen you, and Pete pulled me aside and told me about your little pills and how he directed you to that one dude. Then he called him up and he told him what happened with you not bringing his drugs or whatever, and how he was going to hunt you down and that you were in California. So we got in the car and drove as fast as we could, with Pete pretending to be on his side and getting your whereabouts." he explained. Wow. That is a long story.

"I was wondering why Pete was there.... I didn't understand why he would want to help. He's been a dick since day one"

"Well, it turns out Pete has a heart after all. He said he felt like this whole mess was his fault, and he knew how to make it right so he did.... I just wonder what it'll be like when we get back."

"Oh, I don't want to think about that." I added pretending to shudder. He let out a dry laugh, but it didn't reach his eyes. There was something in his eyes, I couldn't tell what it was, but it wasn't good.

I brought my hand up to caress his face. He closed his eyes and let a tear slip loose. This worried me.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" I asked in a worried voice.

He opened his eyes again and they poured into mine. They were glossed with tears and looked almost depressed.

"Nothing. I'm just tired is all." he said wiping his tears. Now I can tell when he's lying. That's just bullshit.

"Ryan, don't lie to me. Tell me what's wrong." I ordered in a more stern voice, grabbing his hand. He looked at me once more before averting his gaze down to his lap.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." he mumbled.

"What? Do what?" I asked confused.

"That! Grabbing my hand, looking at me like that, acting all sweet and loving, it's... It's not helping."

What the hell is he talking about?

"What the hell are you talking about?" He looked at me in disbelief.

"Brendon, you broke up with me. Don't act like you love me when you don't. It's really hard on me." he mumbled.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I completely forgot about that. He thinks I don't love him! How could he believe those stupid lies?

"Ryan, what I said before... It was all lies. I had to lie. If I didn't you wouldn't have let me go. I didn't mean any of it." I tried to assure him.

He didn't say anything. He just continued to look a me.

And in his eyes, I could tell he didn't believe me.

I had to re assure him.

"Ryan, you’re perfect. I can't stand to be away from you. I love you more then anything in the world. I need you at my side. You've brought nothing but happiness into my life. You're the reason I made it through all the shit I've been put through. I could never live with out you I love you so much, what I said, it nearly killed me to say it l, but I did. And I take back every word. Please, you have to believe me." I pleaded. By this time we were both crying. Both desperate.

I grabbed his hand and kissed it before bringing it up to my face.

"Please." I whispered. "I love you."

He pulled his hand away. I almost started sobbing when he did this, but he saved me by pressing his lips to mine. This is what I needed. This is what I've wanted. What I've missed.

What I almost gave up.

I'm such an idiot.