Don't Hold Your Breath

"I......I don't know. I mean, I think I might be." he stuttered. He looked down. He wouldn't look at me. Did he really think I wouldn't like him if I found this out? I mean I'm not exactly surprised...... As awful as that sounds. 

"Hmmmm. Okay." was all I could respond. 

"Still wanna share a bed?" he laughed not in a humorous way, but more of a nervous "you must hate me" type of way.  I didn't say anything, I just crawled in and scooted over to the side. 

"Aren't you coming to bed? I thought you had church tomorrow." 

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to rape you or something?"  you could actually hear the confusion in his voice. 

"Brendon, I'm not like my friends. I'm not going to dump you because you're different...." he didn't say anything. "Besides. If you were going to rape me, I'm pretty sure you would've done it already." 
He chuckled. 

"But you're much more vulnerable when your sleeping." he replied. Good. He was joking now. 

"If you rape me I'll tell your mom." 

"Oh god. Shed probably send me to some sort of doctor to 'fix me' and not because I raped an innocent victim, but because that victim was a guy....."

"innocent?" Ha. That's a good one. 

"Yes. Some one as weak and helpless as you...." 

"Do I need to tackle you again?" he just laughed. "Although you'd probably enjoy it." I teased. 

"Well I'm not that one who commented on his friends ass." he shot back. Damn it. I keep walking right into these.

"Oh just go to sleep."  there was a pause and I looked over to find he was already asleep. He had his back facing towards me and was snoring lightly. I laughed lightly and turned to face the window. I soon found myself slipping under. 

~*~

I woke up and he was asleep on his back, and I was sprawled out across his chest. I lifted up my head and noticed a small drool stain on his shirt. (At least he was wearing one, otherwise it would have been a bit awkward.)
I blushed hoping he wouldn't notice when he woke up. But then I realized, I had cuddled up to Brendon. My first thought was that it was cute. But then I had realized what I was thinking, and became embarrassed. I carefully crawled out of bed being careful not to wake him. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. But my attempt failed when my foot got tangled in the sheets. I yanked my foot forward pulled the sheets (along with Brendon) off the bed. He came crashing down with a loud thump. As soon as the hit the floor he sat up and pulled the blankets off his head. He looked around confused, his hair sticking up in every which way. Almost like sex hair. It was kind of hot....... And that's not me thinking gay thoughts about Brendon..... You can know someones hot with out being attracted to them right? Right. 

"ha ha oops. I was trying not to wake you...." I tried my best to sound innocent. 

"Well you obviously failed." he sighed as he fell back on the floor closing his eyes. 

"Don't we have to go to church or something?" that caught his attention. He sat up and looked at me. 

"You're going?" 

"Yep. I've never been to church before. It sounds....."

"boring?" he finished my sentence. "or perhaps stupid? Because it is." 

I rolled my eyes. "I was going to say different." 

"Well I doubt you have any church clothes, so you're going to have to borrow some of mine."  he said getting up. I looked down and realized I had slept in the same clothes I wore yesterday. I didn't have any clothes here at all. I was going to have to go back across the street anyways. Then my brain hatched an idea......

"How are you at being rebellious?" I asked. 

"What do you mean?" he looked at me with a confused look.

"Screw the church pants. I have an idea." I pulled him up of the floor and dragged him all the way to my house and up to my room.  

"What are you...." I interrupted him by throwing a pair of black skinny jeans in his face. 

"Here put these on." I said. 

"I will when you tell me what's going on." 

"I think we should show up to church looking like total f- I mean gay people.  You said you hated the church. So why not be rebellious?"

"What about my parents?" he asked. 

"Tell them you lost a bet."

"But Ryan they'll freak out!" he began whining.

"Come on, pleeeeeeeaaaaase?" I put on my best pouty face. 
He rolled his eyes. 

"Fine. But you're explaining to my parents" he gave in. 

"Deal." I tossed him a band tee, studded belt, and a tight zip up red hoodie. He sighed and took them into the bathroom. While he was changing I slipped into a pair of faded blue skinny jeans, a tight v neck and a green hoodie. 

When he walked out my jaw dropped. He was absolutely stunning, gorgeous, sexy....... (again. Not gay thoughts, just stating the obvious.)

"too much?" he asked selfconciously. 

"Are you kidding me? Why don't you dress like that all the time?! I mean, damn Bren......." Then I realized. This outfit was similar to what he was wearing when we first met? 

"So it doesn't make my ass look big?" 

"You're ass always looks big. But that's beside the point. I remember you wearing something similar to this before...... It was on the first day of school. You were wearing eyeliner too."

"You remember all that? And I thought I was he gay one.... And the only reason I did was because my cousin Vicky got a hold of me before hand. She's a total rebel. My parents don't like me hanging around her..... But I promised I would let her dress me for my first day at a new school......" he was rambling on and all i could focus on was how the pants sat perfectly around his hips, and how his frame was just suggestively visible from under his shirt. I.... I was losing my mind. 

"Ryan....... RYAN!" I was snapped out of my trance by him waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh sorry. I was spacing." 

"Well duh. Can we go now?" he begged. 

"No you need one more thing......" I grabbed him by the arm and yanked him into the bathroom. I pulled out a stick of eyeliner and his eyes widened. 

"Ryan. No. This is enough." he was trying his best to be firm. 

"Come on. It won't work unless you have it! Please! I'll wear it too!" I begged again. He couldn't seem to say no to me.....

"Fine." he growled. 
I applied a semi thick layer around his eyes to make them pop. Then did the same to myself. After spiking his hair a bit in the back (making it look almost like sex hair) I straightened mine. 

"Do you know what I can't understand?" he asked while we walked out the door. 

"what is that?"

"Why is it that while I'm the gay one, you're the one with all the skinny jeans and the eyeliner?"   
I opened my mouth as if to respond, but I couldn't think of anything to say to that. 

"I....I don't know. Maybe you're just bad at being homosexual."  
I came up with. 

"Or maybe you're just bad at being straight." he laughed. Why does he always get the snappy comebacks? I scowled at him as we walked back. 

"Oh come on Ry. You know I didn't mean it." he gave me those puppy dog eyes. I tried to hide back a smile but I couldn't help it. "Awww I knew you couldn't stay mad at me." he grinned.
I rolled my eyes at him as we reached his house. As we walked in, his mom was walking out of the kitchen. 

"Ryan are you coming to-" she dropped the towel she was holding when she saw her son. "BRENDON BOYD URIE WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU WEARING?! CHURCH STARTS IN 10 MINUTES!!" 

"I uh, I am ready." I was sooo bad at disobeying his parents it's not even funny. 

"I thought I told you, you were never to dress like that ever again! Is that eyeliner?!"

"You see Mrs. Urie, this is partially my fault. We bet that uh, I couldn't tackle him to the ground..... And he lost. I told him that he had to come to church dressed like this." I gestured towards his attire......

"But he looks like a-"

"Not himself!" I cut her off. "He doesn't look like himself. I'm sure no one will recognize him." I assured her. She sighed and walked away shaking her head. I turned to Brendon who looked like he'd just seen a ghost. 

"What?" I asked. 

"How did you do that?!" he spit out. Little did he know I had a way with adults. I decided to play dumb. 

"Do what?"

"Convince my mom....... She's the most stubborn person I know!" 

"I just have a way with parents." I smirked. 

"Well let's get in the car before my dad sees us. He definitely won't let me go looking like this." he pulled me towards the car. As we got in his parents walked out both dressed formally for church. I've never seen his dad up close before. He was tall and a bit stalky. He didn't look a lot like Brendon, except for his hair, and his nose was similar. But Brendon looked mostly like his mom. Especially his body. I chuckled to myself at that thought. He looked over and saw me looking at his parents. 

"Are you laughing at my parents?" he raised an eyebrow. 

"No I'm laughing at you." I put bluntly. 

"Gee thanks." he scoffed. 

"No problem." I responded in a very "smart ass" type manner. 
He rolled his eyes "Whats with the sour mood?" he wasn't all upset over this whole church thing was he?

"My parents are going to kill me the minute you leave you know that right?"

"Oh they will not. Besides, I told them it was my fault."

"yeah whatever." he said sourly. 

"Awww don't be mad at me." I gave the best pouty look I could manage. Though it probably wasn't as good as his. He tried to old back a smile but eventually gave in. 

"Yay!" I said in a mock kid voice. 

"You're really annoying, you know that right?"

"Yes. And that's why you love me." he rolled his eyes again, muttering something under his breath as he looked out the window.

"Hey boys." I heard an uneasy voice I assumed to be Mr. Uries say as the drivers door opened to the small compact car. Mrs. Urie must have told him about Brendon's little outfit change here..... I find it funny that she told her sun he looked gay while I was standing right next to him. And I dress like that pretty much every day. Aside from the inch of eyeliner and the skinny jeans that looked even tighter on Brendon because of his apple bottom. The car ride was pretty silent. We arrived at the church within a couple minutes. There were a bunch of people standing around outside talking. They were mostly families. It wasn't until Brendon pointed it out that I noticed I bad a huge grin on my face. My evil little plan would work out perfectly.

"What are you grinning at?" he whispered suspiciously.

"Nothing....." he raised an eyebrow and sighed. We pulled into the parking lot, and they began to get out. 

"Hey Brendon, I uh, dropped my watch. Will you help me find it?"

"But you didn't-"

"You two go on without us. We'll meet you in there." I cut him off. He looked at me suspiciously. 

"What are you up to?" he asked accusingly after his parents got out of the car. 

"Just wait for them to go inside. " I said. They soon disappeared in the church and I got out, dragging him with me. 

"Will you tell me what you're up to already!" he was really frustrated. It was kind of funny. 

"This." I grabbed his hand and laced my fingers through his. The look of shock on his face was priceless.

"What are you doing?" he asked confused. 

"The ultimate form of rebellion in a Mormon church." the evil grin returned to my face. 

"Ryan I don't think this is such a good idea." he said nervously attempting to pull his hand away from mine. But I held on tighter. 

"Come on, don't be a Pansy." I began to walk forward pulling him with me. He resisted at first, but finally gave in. I walked as close to him as possible. When we reached the door I stopped him and kissed him on the cheek before entering. He turned red while I smirked at the looks of horror and disgust from the people around us. When we got inside we both burst out into laughter. 

"That was great! Did you see the looks on their faces?" he breathes between laughs. 

"That was priceless! I just hope they didn't recognize you." 

"I doubt they did. 'The perfectly respectable Urie kid would never stoop to something that low!'" he mocked. 

I scoffed. "We'll they're lame asses." he laughed once more before responding. 

"Well we should head in. It's going to start soon." he grabbed my hand again and we walked in, mischievous grins on our faces. His parents were sitting near the front so we could walk by plenty of people before we reached his parents. We sat One pew behind them. When the session started, that's when I became bored. Now I know what Brendon was talking about. On the back of the seat in front of us there was a slot where a bible, hymn book, and envelope for donations sat. Bored, I pulled out the songbook and began flipping through.  When I got about halfway through a piece of paper fell out. It was "welcoming our new minister to the Church" it had his picture and background info and stuff. It must have been from a while ago. Still bored I committed a blasphemous crime by doodling on the paper. I gave the priest devil horns funny glasses and a forked tongue. But as I was committing this blasphemous crime something the preacher said caught my attention. 

"Marriage is to be between a man and a woman....." Well this was to be expected.... But what really got me was the way he eyed me and Brendon as he said it. Talk about judging by appearance.... Psshhh. He then continued to go on about some bible story where God punished these two guys by turning them homosexual or some shit like that. I looked over at Brendon and he looked like he might start crying. Imagine how hard it must be for him, if his entire family rejected him for who he is, something he can't control. 
I grabbed the paper with my doodles and the priest on it and added a caption, something that would sound good in a song....

Forgive our sins Forged at the pulpit, with forked tongues selling faux sermons 

I passed it to him and he seemed to perk up a bit. He laughed once then gave me a weak smile. I gave a proud grin in return. I love my magical power to make people happy. But then I resized, as I really looked into his eyes that his smile hadn't reached them. It must seriously be hard for him. I thought of the things I had said last night. How he lived in the "perfect family". Yeah, so it seems. If your parents can't accept you for who you truly are, your life could turn out to be a mess. Just look at me, obviously my parents didn't accept me. That's why my mother left. I was a mistake. So Brendon's situation is a little bit different..... But in a way, were in the same boat.
After what seemed like a billion years, church was finally over. We didn't hold hands this time as we walked out because his parents were directly behind us. But we still received a few glares from the surrounding people. 

"Hey boys do would you like to go out to breakfast? It's on us." 
Mrs. Urie asked sweetly, still looking worriedly at her son. 

"Sure thanks mom." Brendon responded in a monotone voice. 

~*~

We pulled up to a little family owned restaurant. It was cute and colorful. A nice family atmosphere. 

"Brendon, honey, will you do me a favor and go to the bathroom and wipe off that eyeliner? It's making me a little uneasy." his mom whispered unintentionally loud enough for me to hear.

"Sure mom. "He responded. Aww and he looked so good in it too. Oh well. We found a booth and sat down. I across from Mr. and Mrs. Urie. 

"So Ryan, I see you and Brendon are getting along." She said, as if trying to find a way to start a conversation. Mr. Urie just looked at the menu being quiet as usual. 

"Yeah, he's a great friend." I searched my head for something better to respond with but couldn't up with nothing. After a little bit more mindless chatter, a couple walked into the restaurant. Not just any couple, a flamboyantly gay couple. They came in and sat at the table a little bit aways from us. You could tell they were a couple by the way they held hands and whispered to each other. It was kind of cute.  The look of disgust on Mr. Uries face was sickening. And he couldn't have spoken at a worse time either. Right as his son walked up behind them he spoke the words that would send his own sun running off with tears in his eyes. 

"Look at those queers over there. Those people are disgusting. They should just stay out of public so we don't have to look at them. " very harsh, ignorant, stupid, hurtful words. What an arrogant bastard. I had to bit my tongue to keep myself from cussing him out. At least his wife was a little more civilized. 

"Boyd, not here! I know it's a sin, but those words are hurtful no matter who you are." she whisper yelled at him. But by this time Brendon had already come, heard his fathers words, and left. 

"I'm uh, going to go see if he needs help..... I think we may have used waterproof......" I excused myself running after him. 

I found him sitting on the bathroom floor, hugging his knees, sobbing.

"Bren....." I walked over and knelled down next to him. I brought his tear streaked face up to look at me. 
"Look, what your father said, it was stupid and ignorant. Don't listen to him." I tried. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. 

"My dad Hates me Ry....." he sobbed into my chest. 

"Brendon, if your dad hates you because your not someone he wants you to be, then he's not worth liking very much." I assured him. But I don't think he bought it. He just continued to cry silently into my chest. Then I realized that this was the same scene that went on in our high school bathroom. Only the roles are switched. I'm the one comforting him, and he's the one who's life is a mess. 

"Ryan, everything is going wrong. I'm gay and my parents are homophobic bastards, the guy I'm in love with would never like me back......." guy? For some reason a feeling in the pit of my stomach went off. 

"Who's this guy?" I asked as sweetly as I could manage. He didn't answer. "Don't want to tell me huh?" he shook his head no. "Come on, I promise I won't tell anyone." he shook his head again. "Fine, what if I guess?" he didn't shake his head this time. He just sighed. "Does he go to our school?" 

"Yeah," he mumbled. 

"are you good friends?" he hesitantly nodded. Well let's see. Who are Brendon's friends? There's Spencer.... Jon....... Me.....
I froze. 

"Is it Spencer or Jon?"  

"No." But that only leaves........ Oh no.  

"Is it me?"

He nodded. I didn't say anything. His eyes filled with tears again.