Don't Hold Your Breath

After a while the crying had stopped, but we were still in the same position. My arms were wrapped around him in comfort, and his face was buried into my chest. Neither of us said anything, I didn't know what to say. What could I say? That he had to get over me because I'm not gay? That seems a little harsh for this situation. Maybe I could just calmly explain the fact that I'm straight, and I only like him as a friend. But what if that hurts his feelings as well? Why do I care so much about his feelings? He's just a friend right? Well,  a friend that saved my life........

Maybe I didn't have to explain. He's smart. He's knows that nothing can go on between us. Right? The only reason he told me was because I kinda forced it out of him. At least he hasn't deluded himself into thinking that we have a future together......

For some reason I felt a sudden twinge in the pit of my stomach at this thought. It almost came across as regret. Regret for what? 

My thought was interrupted my Brendon's sad monotone voice. It killed me to think that someone as kind and sweet an Brendon would have to go through this much emotional pain. 

"My parents are probably wondering where we are." He mumbled. 

"Are you sure you can handle going back?" I whispered. He nodded and I helped him as he began to stand up. 

"Ill be fine." Still with the almost emotionless voice........
He walked over to the mirror and attempted to regain composure. His eyes were still a little red and puffy, so he turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. After he wiped it off I walked over, put my hands on his shoulders, and looked him straight in the eyes. 

"Everythings going to he okay Brendon, I promise." he stared back into my eyes for a little bit longer before he looked down. Breaking the gaze. 

"You can't know that." was all he said. He was right, I didn't know that. But what I did know was that he needed someone to be there for him. And for some reason, I felt obligated to play that role. I just didn't want to do it in a way that would lead him on. 

"Whatever happens. I promise I'll be there for you. " I murmured. His eyes became watery again. I went to embrace him, comfortingly, but the next thing I know, his lip were on mine. It hadn't felt like anything I'd ever experienced before. It wasn't like kissing Elizabeth, for one his lips were a lot fuller, and sweeter, and something about them felt almost, right....... Wait........ NO! not right. Wrong. This is wrong. 

It took me a second to register what was going on. But when I did, I pushed him away in the most non violent way I could manage. I didn't want to upset him. 

But wait a sec, why was I thinking rationally? I was just kissed in a bathroom, by a boy who's homophobic parents were out there waiting for us. Shouldn't I be freaked out?

He stepped back and his eyes widened when he realized what just happened.    

"Oh my God. Ryan, I'm so sorry I...... I don't know what I was thinking...... god I'm such a idiot!" He finished turning and banging his fists on the sink. I just stood there motionless, not able respond, still in shock. After a couple minutes of regaining my composure I finally spoke. 

"Um, W-we should g-go b-back. Your parents are p-probably w-waiting." I stuttered. I led the way out of the bathroom, Brendon following close behind. He didn't say a word from the time we left the bathroom until the time we left the restaurant. But some part of me, for some reason, felt a weird twinge of regret. But I couldn't figure out why. I had a feeling this feeling wasn't going to go away on it's own.