When You Were Young

Rae looked at the man carefully. His hat was tilted slightly to the side and his black curly hair was sticking out from underneath. His gorgeous green eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses that he slowly began to remove.

"Rae..." He whispered breathlessly.
"Hi Billie." She spoke softly, her voice cracking slightly. He dropped his sunglasses on the concrete at his feet and slowly stepped forward.

The moment Rae felt his arms around her again her legs lost all feeling and if he hadn't been holding on to her she would have fallen to the ground. Her eyes brimmed with tears as he held her tightly, burrying his face in her auburn hair.

"God...I missed you so much." He whispered. They had both fallen to their knees and were sitting on the concrete sidewalk, holding each other. Rae couldn't respond to Billie for fear that nothing would come out anyway. "Rae...God Rae...please...say something."

"I--I don't...I can't...."
"Shhh..." Billie whispered. "Okay okay...you don't have to say anything."

He pulled her back so he could get a look at her. A smile graced his lips as his eyes wandered over her body. "You look the same..."
"It's because I am. Billie," Rae spoke, "This only happened yesterday...I just got out of the hospital."

"Oh God...you have no idea how long...how hard..I tried to look for you."
"Billie--please..."
"Rae...I missed you so much."

Rae finally raised her head and was able to clearly see him. He looked so different. He was older....obviously. But his hair was black now, instead of the reddish brown it she had gotten used to. His eyes weren't as bright. His face needed to be shaven. He wasn't the Billie she had fallen in love with. He was 30. And married.

"I know.." She whispered. "I missed you too."
"Come on...let's go inside for a bit." Billie whispered, pulling Rae up to her feet. She nodded solemnly and followed him up the cracked steps into her old home.

"Sorry I haven't put any furniture in it yet..."
"Wait..." Rae spoke, "You bought this place?"
"Yeah..." Billie said with a shy smile. "It was my only memory of you...besides--" Then he stopped.

"What?" Rae asked. Billie shook his head.
"The bag...From under the house...I still have it." Billie whispered. "With that note in it? I went back and got it after you--you..." He trailed off.

"Billie...can I--can I see it?"
"I don't have it with me...I'm sorry Rae...We can go back to my place."
"Billie..." Rae laughed, cracking a small smile. Billie grinned too and looked down for a moment then back up at her.
"And do nothing but read that letter."

"I'd like that."
"What? Sex or the letter"
"Billie!" Rae grumbled, slightly embarassed. He smiled.
"I'm glad I can still make you as red as a tomato."
"That's not nice..."
"Yeah well..." Billie chuckled and shrugged, standing up. He held his hand out. Rae hesitated before taking it and pulling her self up.

The moment she was on both feet her chest was pressed up against Billie's. He smirked down at her and gently let go, backing up slightly and walking towards the door. Rae smiled slightly and immediatly followed after him.

+

"Whoa..." Rae whispered softly as they pulled up to Billie Joe's house.
"What?"
"It's just....nothing....this is just kind of weird to me." Rae whispered nervously, looking down into her lap. "Being with you. And going into your house."

"What? Why? Rae..."
"Billie you're married."
"So? It's not like i'm planning to throw you on the bed and screw you." Billie said non-chalantly as he pulled into his driveway.

"My do you have a way with words." Rae laughed softly..
"Hey...what can I say?" Billie said with a smirk.

They both got out of the car and walked up to the house.

"How's your mom?" Rae asked suddenly. Billie looked over at her and shrugged.
"She's doin okay."
"Does she--um...remember?"
"No. Oh God Rae....you have no idea what i went through after you--well...you know." Billie sighed, opening the front door.

"I went to Mike and Tre' and they had no recollection whatsoever that you ever existed. And I seriously considered my sanity for a while. I mean...I asked my mom....everyone....and no one remembered you."
"Oh Billie..." Rae whispered softly.

"Yeah...it was hell for a while." Billie led her upstairs and to his room. He opened the closet door and pulled out a box from the top left corner. It was covered in dust. "But then...I went back to the house."

He carefully took the lid off the top and pulled out a small plastic bag. "And found this."

Rae took in a sharp breath. Tears welled in her eyes. This had all happened. It was real.

She slowly grabbed the bag and leaned back up against the bed frame, just staring at it in her hands. She slowly opened it and reached inside, pulling out the letter from inside that Billie had written what seemed like only days to her.

"Can I--c-can I read it?" She asked timidly.
"Yeah, course."

Rae swallowed hard and unfolded the old, yellowed receipt in her hands. She was careful not to rip it. She wouldn't want to rip the only memory she truly had. She slowly opened the piece of paper and read the faded words.

[Rae
I know I'm writing this is such a short time. And I know you'll probably never read it but that's why, just in case, you would have to go...and I wouldnt get to be with you any more. I just...I don't exactly know how to say this.

I love you.

I can't live without you. I can't go a day without seeing your face, your smile...hearing your voice. It's the only thing I want to hear. You're the only person I want to be around. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I want to be with you. Even though I've only known you for barely a week. I just get a feeling. When you touch me, when you say my name...when you look at me. I love you. Too much.]]

By now Rae was in tears. Billie moved over towards her. He held her close to his warm body as he tried his hardest not to cry as well. He sighed as he breathed in the scent of her hair. Having her in her arms again was like nothing he'd ever felt.

Even with Adrienne.

He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter in his arms. She continued to cry, gripping his shirt with all her might, sobbing onto his shoulder.

"Shh...Shh baby please don't cry..." He whispered.

Rae looked up at the word 'baby'. He hadn't ever called her that before. He swallowed hard and looked at her sincerely. His eyes darted from her lips, back to her eyes and then back to her lips again. He slowly leaned forward, his hand in her hair, pulling her face towards his.

When Billie's lips met hers, Rae felt her entire body go into complete shock. This was more intense than the kisses she had recieved days earlier. They were more heated, more loving, more sensual, they were more mature kisses. They weren't coming from a hormonal 18 yr old.

"Billie--Billie..." Rae grunted, pushing his lips away from her neck. He hesitated at first but then once his eyes met hers he jumped back.

"Oh shit....oh shit...God Rae..." He put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry....I'm so sorry."

Rae crawled over towards him and held his face in her hands. "Don't be sorry....don't be...please. I needed that. Because I know I'll never have it again."

"W--what? Rae..." Billie whispered, shaking his head.
"Billie...your 30. You're married. You have two beautiful boys that are probably on their way home right now with your beautiful wife who loves you more than I ever could."
"No--Rae...I love you."
"I know you do....and--and I love you too but I can't. Because I know you love Adrienne. And she deserves your love."
"So do you!" Billie argued.

"Billie! You're not listening!" Rae cried, getting angry, unable to hold her tears back. He traded positions with her, now holding her face in his palms, stroaking away the tears with his thumbs.
"Yes....yes I am..."
"I have to say good bye to you. Right here. Right now. And--and I can't see you again." Rae whispered.

It broke Billie's heart to hear her say those words. He clutched her face tightly in his hands and then slowly dropped them down into her lap. He looked down at the floor.

"You're right. But I don't want you to be."
"I know..." She whispered. "But it has to be this way."
"I love you....you were the first girl I ever loved. You are the girl I will always love."

Rae smiled. "I love you too. You are the guy that I will always love and never ever forget. Forever. As long as I live."
"Take this..." Billie whispered, shoving the box into her arms. Rae opened her mouth to speak but nothing could come out. "Please?" He begged.

"Billie I can't take all of this...."
"Yes. You can. I don't you to ever forget what you were to me. You saved me." He said softly. Rae shook her head over and over again.

"Please...Billie...just take something..."
"I have a picture of you in my mind...and I have this--" He pressed his lips gently to hers. "In my heart..."

Rae couldn't speak. She could only stare. This was the man she was in love with. This was the man she had to leave behind, so she could love him.

Billie held her face gently in his hands and kissed her forehead. Rae closed her eyes for a moment, reliving the time that she and him had first kissed in the hotel after she had seen her mother.

She could remember the way his arms felt around her waist. How he would slowly, sensualy kiss her shoulders as she cried. The way his lips felt on hers as he easily kissed her pain away.

But she had to put that in the past now. She had to leave.

Suddenly voices could be heard from downstairs. Rae jumped up and started to run out of the room. But before she could go anywhere Billie had grabbed her wrist.

"Hey...it's okay." He whispered. "Come on."

Billie pulled her downstairs and into the kitchen where a woman was putting groceries away with two eager sons jumping up and down before her. She looked up when Billie walked in the room.

"Billie! You're back early you--um--who's this?"

"Adie this is Rae. She um--she's the one the box is for." Billie said with a small smile, looking over at Rae then back at Adie.

"DADDY!!!" A little boy came running over, jumping into Billie's arms. Rae smiled uncomfortably as the older son came walking over. He looked Rae up and down.

"Hi. I'm Joseph." He stuck out his hand like a business man. Rae laughed softly.
"I'm Rae." She played a long, shaking his hand. Billie smiled and put Jakob down onto the floor.

Rae just stood there nervously as Billie whispered something in Adrienne's ear. She rocked back and forth on her heels as he came walking back over towards her.

"Hey, come on. I'll take you home." Billie smiled back at his family and pulled Rae out the front door.

She took in a deep breath and averted his eyes. "Billie I feel horrible."
"What? Why?"
"I--we--I kissed you. All those things I said I--"
"Shhh. Don't take any of that back....please..."

Rae opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. "I don't want you to drive me home. Okay?"
"But Rae--"
"Billie--If you know where I live then...its just...not a good idea. Okay?"
"Rae, please. How bout if I--"
"You could call me a cab Bill. And I'll be happy." Rae said with a smile, holding his face in her palms. He sighed and nodded, closing his eyes for a moment.

It only took about fifteen minutes for the cab to arrive. Billie turned to face Rae. She didn't look at him. She simply held the small box of memories in her arms. Rae ignored Billie as he looked behind him and then took a step towards her.

When she felt his lips on hers it was almost like they were back in 1989 again. Rae closed her eyes, picturing the house, Gilmans, Christie Road....her own house. It was all in the past now. She couldn't go back.

"I'll always love you. No matter what." Billie whispered as she pulled away.
"I know." Rae whispered, tears flowing from her eyes. "Bye Billie Joe Armstrong."
"Bye Rae."

Rae wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of her shirt as she walked as quickly as she could towards the cab. Billie simply stood at the top of his driveway and watched with sadness in his eyes. Then, something hit him.

"Wait...Rae..." Billie said, running down the driveway.

"Just go." Rae said sternly. The cab driver nodded and pulled away from the house.

"No Rae!" Billie swore loudly and kicked the gravel. "Fuck!"

He'd forgotten to tell her to check her pockets.