Losing Touch

I opened my eyes and looked over to a clock. And said it was 5:38, but I took away five minutes because my clock is stupid and I’m just too lazy to change the time.

I looked around my room, and found a small part of my wall where you could see the light purple paint. I sighed and decided that I’d have to cover it with something. So I went and grabbed the latest AP that I hadn’t gone through yet. So I flipped through the pages and found something that was too big for the small spot, but intrigued me nonetheless.

“Wow.” I said quietly as I smiled at the silly picture. It was The Maine, and they were on the list for Most Anticipated Albums of 2010. I kept observing and observing the picture and found something new each time. I noticed that John cut his hair, that Garrett broke a light, and that everyone looked really happy… without me.

I know it shouldn’t matter because I left on my own intentions to let John live a free life, but it still hurt a little bit. But I smiled once again seeing Jared’s face that came from laughing too hard at Garrett’s clumsiness.

I had completely forgotten about the spot on my wall and how I needed to cover it, until Olivia came in and sat down next to me and looked down at the page.

“Finally looking for something to cover that spot?” she asked and laughed a bit.

“Oh, I guess I never really noticed it ‘til today. I’m just always so preoccupied with doctor’s visits now and I always have these,” I pointed to the page, “boys on my mind along with all my other famous friends. And also how I finally sent out the divorce papers to John…” I trailed off.

Olivia choked on her spit. “What!?” she went bug-eyed.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to. I just want him to live without me tying him down. He needs to live his life. I can’t make that happen. I’m always just so sick now. I can’t do that to him. I don’t want him to have to miss a show or two just for me. He needs to do what he loves. I’ve always known that music is first with him. It’s his passion. I would hate myself for interfering with that.” I said.

“But don’t you get it Zoe? He loves you. He always will. And by what Kennedy said in the letter, it sounds like you are interfering with the music.”

“We’ll just get divorced, he’ll write some hit song or two about it, and then find some blonde girl with big boobs named Paula. He’ll be happy again and he won’t have to worry about how I’m feeling and doing all the time.” I said bluntly. Olivia started laughing, quite hard actually. “What’s so funny?”

“A blonde girl with big boobs name Paula!?” she started laughing again, “Yeah right Zoe! He’d never forget you. I mean, c’mon, he hasn’t forgotten yet. He’s concerned. I know because Halvo called and told me.”

“What?” I asked dumbfounded with my mouth agape.

“Yeah, he walked in on Halvo when you were on the phone with him… right after you told him why you left. That’s why he hung up so quickly. John walked in and started begging like a puppy dog. Eric almost told him too, but Pat came in and saved the day, I guess you could say. John apparently got fucking wasted last night after he left the room angry. It’s actually kind of sad, Zoe. He was about to find out something about his wife, and you won’t even tell him. But then the little spaz that we love came in and messed it up for him.” She said with an expression that said ‘well, shit happens.’

I just stared at her. “He got WASTED!?” I screamed, before going into a cough attack.

“Whoa, Zoe, take it easy. Please, you don’t need any more stress that you already have.” Olivia said as she grabbed the water bottle I kept by my bed.

“Thanks. But still! I told him “Don’t be stupid!” We went through this before! I almost broke up with him because of his stupid fucking drinking!” I shouted. To say that I furious is an understatement.

See, a little after me and John had been dating a year, he really got into drinking. It was all the time. He had a beer all the effin’ time! And I was so pissed because he would get wasted for no reason besides that fact that it killed time when he had nothing to do. He stood me up several times because he was passed out after drinking. I drew the line after he actually showed up to a date… wasted.

I just about ended our relationship right then and there. I was pissed beyond belief. Since that night John hadn’t gotten wasted, until last night.

I crossed my arms over my chest in anger as Olivia rubbed my back in comfort.

“You know he did it because of you…” she said and I gave her a death glare.

“Yeah, yeah. I am well aware of that Olivia.” I said angrily. I just wanted John to realize what a mistake he’s making by wasting time on me. I am honestly not worth it now. I just waste time now and do nothing all day but lay in my room, except to get the mail and occasionally go to the grocery store with Olivia.

She’s really protective of me now, and not just because Kennedy threatened that if she didn’t he’d kidnap her in the middle of the night and give her away to the mafia to live out the rest of her life killing people with them. She thinks that one tiny little thing can hurt me and then I can end up in the ER with a concussion and then Kennedy will have to fly out and my parents would to, and they’d look at her like a disappointment.

I tell her that I perfectly fine, as long as I get enough sleep. And even that is rarely happening anymore.

“Olivia, I just wish everything was fine again. When I didn’t know my doctor so well; when John didn’t get wasted because of something I did; when we lived in Arizona; when I was out on tour with my brother and my best friends. I just wished everything was normal again. This is all just so peculiar now. If anything John should be the one in the hospital all the time from being to damn clumsy when not so sober.” I laughed a bit.

Olivia smiled at me. “I know, honey. But that’s obviously not gonna happen. Especially since no one but Eric and Kennedy know. I’m telling you Zoe, you have to tell them. They have the right to know. Why won’t you tell them?”

“Because then they’ll always call and check up on me, and it will interfere with their music and their career. I don’t want to do that Liv! I really don’t! They wouldn’t be the same, or at least I don’t think they would be if they were constantly worried about the ‘baby Brock’ when I’m actually not even a Brock anymore!” I said.

“Yeah, they know. But O’Callaghan doesn’t start with a b.” she said.

And we both started laughing as the sun came up. This is how life should be all the time. This is how John should be acting; he should be having fun with his friends and not moping over me. Someone needs to make him happy again.