Losing Touch

“Yeah, it’s me.” I said nervously. John thankfully couldn’t see me, because my hands were shaking horribly. They were shaking so badly that Olivia had to hold the phone up to my ear for me.

“Oh my god! Is anything wrong? Do you need me to fly out?” he asked frantically, “… why’d you leave me?” he added in a small voice.

I sharply inhaled some air as the tears already started to collect in my eyes. “I’m so sorry John. I never m-meant to hu-hurt you so much. I just… I w-want you to li-live without me hol-holding you back.” I sobbed into the phone.

“Zoe, what do you mean ‘hold me back’?” he asked.

I took in a deep breath. “John, I left because… because I have cancer…” I said as more tears fell and Olivia put an arm around my shoulders. I heard nothing from John. “John?”

“You have… cancer?” he asked sadly, and I also noticed that his voice cracked at the last word.

“Yeah.” I said as I started sobbing more.

I heard soft sobs coming from John. “Can I call you later?” he asked devastated.

“Y-yeah, just call Olivia’s cell.”

“’Kay… Love you. Bye.” He said and hung up quickly before I could tell him that I loved him back.

I looked over at Liv, who held a comforting smile on her face. “At least you told him?”

“ Yeah, I finally told him…” I said with an added sigh as I wiped away tears. I looked about the sterile room. I saw the chair that Olivia slept in, despite me telling her she could go home and sleep. I saw the bags of fluid that connected to the IV that was connected to my bloodstream. I just did this to clear my mind. To try my hardest to forget how John’s voice sounded, how I imagined his face to look.

“Maybe I should call Kennedy now.” I said after my tears had stopped.

“Good idea. I’ll leave you alone for this one.” She said as she stepped out of the room, to probably get candy.

I dialed his number, and waited patiently as the phone rang and rang. “Hello?” a voice that didn’t belong to my brother, but belonged to no other than Morgan, my brother’s girlfriend.

“Hey Morgan.” I said with a smile. She had always been a good friend to me, and she truly loved my brother, so I liked her. And she knows why I left John too; Kennedy needed someone to talk to about all of this. So I let him tell Morgan.

“Hey Zoe. Kennedy’s packing up so they can go home. Does this have anything to do with the reason John’s nowhere to be seen?”

“Yeah, I finally told him.” I said my heart breaking a little more.

She choked on air. “WHAT!? Did I hear that right?”

“Yes, you did. And it broke my heart to hear his voice crack and to hear him cry. I haven’t experienced that since his grandpa died.”

“I’m surprised… Oh, Kennedy’s back. Here ya go. Bye Zoe.”

“Bye Morgan.”

“Hello?”

“Hey Kenny.”

“So, what is the reason John has all of a sudden become somewhat nonexistent?” he asked straightforward.

“Told him. But Ken, it just killed me! He was crying. I almost lost it, and then he tells him ‘love you’ and then hangs up before I can tell him that too! I just want to see him, I think I’ve just denied throughout this whole ordeal. This just, just sucks!” I rambled, even using hand motions that Kennedy could obviously not see.

“Zo, just calm down, for one.” He said and I took a deep breath, “And second, I always knew you still wanted him. But I was going to let you work through all of this by yourself and I was never going to tell John for you. He had begged after you sent those stupid damn divorce papers. He yelled he got so angry with me not telling him. I’m just glad that you finally told him.

“At least it’s the last day and I’m going to come and visit within the next two days. So be expecting me to pop in the hospital pretty soon. And I think Morgan’s coming with me. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, that’s perfectly fine. You know I love her. Thanks for calmin’ me dow-” I said before I heard a beep, telling me there was another call, “Ken, I gotta go. Another call, I think it’s John. Love you big brother. See you soon.”

“Okay little sis. Love you too, see you.” He said and I switched to the other call.

“Hello?” I asked a bit more shakily than two seconds ago when I was talking to Kennedy.

“Zoe. Can I come see you? And rip up these fucking divorce papers?”

“Of course. I would love that John that would be amazing. As much as I denied it… I still love you and I want to see you and keep you. But I don’t want to interfere with the music. I swear John Cornelius, I mess with that and I’ll hate myself.”

He sighed in relief. “Okay, I promise then. No interfering with music. Unless it’s a complete emergency. Please make that one exception?”

“Fine…”

“I love you Zoe.”

“I love you too John. Forgive me?”

“You were forgiven when you called me.” I smiled at his cheesiness. It always seemed to shine through in the best of moments.

“You cheesy ass mother fucker.”

“But I’m your cheesy ass mother fuckin’ husband.”

“Don’t remind me.”

We both laughed. I never realized what I almost gave up over being childish. I looked over to the doorway, and there I saw Liv standing with a large grin on her face.

“Told you so.” She mouthed.