I Almost Lost

As the years go by, more people are blinded by stupidity. More people believe in words written in paper and words heard in a television. More people forget how to read between the lines. Now we all wear masks. Some smile when they’re hurting because they want to be good, some because they want to be bad. The years pass and we become more cynical. More and more people become sadistic and masochists. Some say it’s Mother’s Nature of showing us the end is coming, some say it’s the way to show us we should live life. I think Mother Nature is silently watching us, either perturbed or amused, waiting for us to make our next move, then intervene if that is what she wishes to do and show us who’s the boss.

Less people wait for Father Time. Due to this, he takes the lives of many passer-by’s with him. He can’t afford to lose his job, now can he? People changed their ending. So many started to care because of people talking, they realized the world mattered, but in the end, gave up. The world is never going to come to an end on a specific date, but it will slowly come to an end, without us realizing it or doing anything to stop it. Conformities are far too important in our lists of priorities.

The Big Man isn’t happy. After those long and hard working six days, He took a break after making sure everything was ok. And when He came back, His paradise had become hell, and soon, His job was taken. People are now ashamed or embarrassed to talk about Him, when before, if you were embarrassed to talk about him, you would be ridiculed. Who would’ve thought God would ever become the source of so many mockeries? I certainly didn’t for a while. But then realizing nothing was going to change, or anyone would try to change it. I changed myself. I didn’t give a shit about Mother Nature anymore. I didn’t want to wait for Father Time. And The Big Man didn’t mean too much to me anymore.

I, slowly, yet securely started hurting myself, by drinking, smoking, and cutting. There was still a little voice in the back of my head telling me I was hurting Mother Nature, that Father Time wanted to slow down since he was tired. Yet, I ignored that little voice. I continued to do so, until hurting myself wasn’t enough. I wanted to end it all. Many saw me as a bad influence, some saw me as one more teenager in this generation. A few saw the truth. Saw I was hurting and saw my pain. Not one of them tried to do anything.

I took a big gulp of my vodka, enjoying the burning sensation in my throat. I stumbled towards where I hid my razors and after a few seconds of looking, I finally found them. I smiled and pulled them out of the box. I sat down, my back pressing to the bush where I had found my pleasure. I put down my thermos full of vodka and took a clean and shiny razor out, admiring it for a moment. I looked at the slashes on my arms.

“This.. isn’t worth..it,” I slurred quietly. I slowly pressed the razor on my arm, waiting for the pleasure and the end to start.

“HEY!” I heard a voice shout. I looked up and a guy around my age was running towards me.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” He screamed when he got closer, when he was close enough, he yanked the razor from my hands, and the box as well.

“Hey! What.. What you doin’?!” I slurred, my sight slightly blurred.

“Why are you cutting, bitch!?” He screamed at me, I could tell he was angry.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t!” This took me by surprise. “But I don’t want to go home and remember you cutting!”

“Well,” I huffed. “Then leave.”

“No, all you stupid idiots that cut think cutting is so cool,” He hissed.

“You don’t get it.. I do this.. To deal with the.. Pain,” I tried hissing back, but failed miserably, so instead I sounded mentally disabled.

“Oh please! Save the melodramatic act for someone who will believe you!”

“How would you know how I feel? The pain I’m feeling?”

“I don’t, and I don’t care either. You don’t have a hard life, your parents just probably just ignore you and your friends think of you something you’re not, you pretend to be something you’re not because the world just won’t accept you,” He uttered with a hiss. I didn’t say anything, he had exactly described my life. He knew so too, by the expression on my face.

“Well, suck it up, princess. Some people like me have a worse life than that,”

“What could be worse than that?”

“Try being physically abused by your mother, and sexually abused by your father. Then when they kill themselves right in front of you, after they attempted to kill you,” He gave me a bitter smile. My eyes widen as my brain processed his words.

“I.. I..” But before being able to finished, darkness took over me.

“Oh, baby.. Please wake up,” I heard a soft voice whimper. I slowly opened my eyes, and looked to my side, to find my mother beside me, kneeling by my bed and her eyes filled with tears.

“Mom?” I whispered, my voice hoarse. Her head snapped and she looked at me in surprise, then left the room running.

“Peter! She’s up!” I heard her scream as she ran. I heard someone clear their throat. I looked to my side and most of my friends were there, their tears silently leaving their hurt eyes.

“Why?” I heard one of them ask. I knew what they meant.

“O-Oh.. It’s nothing, really..” I faked a smile.

“Oh! Please! Why do you close yourself to everyone?! We want to help you, but if you don’t open up, we are never going to be able to do so!” I heard one of the closest friends I had scream angrily. I looked down in shame.

“I.. I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Oh, God.. I’m so sorry, baby,” I heard her apologize and she walked up to me, placing her arms around me. A few seconds later, all of them were on top of me hugging me and telling me to never do it again. Then I remembered something.

“Who brought me here?” I asked no one in particular.

“Oh, this guy. He called from your cell and asked the directions to the house. He came yelling and shouting that we needed to pay more ‘fucking attention’ to you, he was such an ass,” I heard one of the guys say. “After calling like, all of us and when we arrived, he just left.”

I looked down, “Did he leave any info?”

“Nope,” I heard and just nodded.

I smiled. That angry and rude guy had just saved my life. Thanks to him, I was finally able to take the blind fold and look at my surroundings.

“Gosh, I love you guys. I’m so sorry,” I whimpered and tears flowed out, and everyone in the room came to hug me. To think that today, I had almost taken my life, because I thought my life was hard.

I almost lost.

Key word almost. I almost lost my family, my friends and their love. Almost was never enough for me. To me, it was all or nothing. But today, almost made me the happiest person I knew. For that, I was completely thankful.

“I almost lost,” I giggled, leaving my friends and family confused, yet thankful I was still here.