Postcards From No Man's Land
Mikey's Flask Song
I am drunk. So, so unbelievably wasted. You never thought you'd see me like this, did you? You just never thought it at all. I am a good boy, right? Am I still your good boy?
Gee, I can see you in this flask. Amber liquid the same colour of your eyes, winking and sloshing in its metal casing. I see your flashing grin in this flask, so I take another sip. I want your warmth, can't you see? Can't you see I'm still a good boy?
How can this be? Just weeks ago, not even a month ago, you and I were so close. Closer than magnets and the pages of a book, closer even than the stars. Closer than brothers should be. Now you are planets and galaxies away, an imaginary universe between us. You are the sun, and I am the darkest side of the moon. Frozen like ice. How can this be?
Frank is tucking me into this bed, and I wish it were not mine. The pillow smells of you. Can I feel your body next to mine? No, it is only his. He is laying down beside me and holding my body like I am disappearing, but I'm still here, Gee. It is you who has disappeared. And he is telling me, Shhh, Baby, Sweetie, Darling-Dearest. He is telling me to wipe my tears, and I was never even aware that I was crying. He is petting back my hair and I am covered in my own sick, and Dear God, I feel so safe. But he is not you. He will never be you.
You once read to me that chaos is the absence of love. Sometimes it is only Frank who is keeping me from being swept up and left behind.
Oh Gee, this night, this nightmare. Colours swirled before my eyes like a carousel at dusk as your rainbow pills slid down my throat and gave me a vision of you. How I knew I should be home, but I wanted that ride. Every hallucination brought me closer to you and the stars. Paralyzed by alcohol and neon signs, the Masquerade and pills like candy. With my mask I was somewhere else, someone else. Dangerous and sexy. You. I wore your mask. Your legacy.
And then I was falling, falling through the stars and the sky and the sand in our hour glass, just another lost second in a sea of time. Through the moon and the ocean and the ink, through the tip of your pen and the bristles of your brush. Suspended in the place where my heart should have been, but it is buried down under the earth, under with you in a place where I cannot follow. I wanted it to be your body beside mine in bed at night, goodnight, never goodbye, but it wasn't because you were dead. I cannot find sleep without you, and where did you go? Through the trees and the vines like the slick panther in my dreams? Wild cat, hazel slit-eyes. Jeweled pupils and diamond vision. Leering at me through the darkness. I wanted you on my tongue.
Fire-eyes, your skin tasting like wine. Those nights when we were alive, you held me close. Closer than I'd ever been to a human before, closer than my skin. Wild cat-succubus, not human. Magic ink-painter, never human. Those nights you wrapped your body around me and we were some Greek god that you read to me from your books. Some Greek god with wings of wax. We flew too close. Too close to the sun, Gerard, and we melted and we fell. Just two lost seconds in a sea of time. Just two lost seconds with melted wings of wax...
Gee, I can see you in this flask. Amber liquid the same colour of your eyes, winking and sloshing in its metal casing. I see your flashing grin in this flask, so I take another sip. I want your warmth, can't you see? Can't you see I'm still a good boy?
How can this be? Just weeks ago, not even a month ago, you and I were so close. Closer than magnets and the pages of a book, closer even than the stars. Closer than brothers should be. Now you are planets and galaxies away, an imaginary universe between us. You are the sun, and I am the darkest side of the moon. Frozen like ice. How can this be?
Frank is tucking me into this bed, and I wish it were not mine. The pillow smells of you. Can I feel your body next to mine? No, it is only his. He is laying down beside me and holding my body like I am disappearing, but I'm still here, Gee. It is you who has disappeared. And he is telling me, Shhh, Baby, Sweetie, Darling-Dearest. He is telling me to wipe my tears, and I was never even aware that I was crying. He is petting back my hair and I am covered in my own sick, and Dear God, I feel so safe. But he is not you. He will never be you.
You once read to me that chaos is the absence of love. Sometimes it is only Frank who is keeping me from being swept up and left behind.
Oh Gee, this night, this nightmare. Colours swirled before my eyes like a carousel at dusk as your rainbow pills slid down my throat and gave me a vision of you. How I knew I should be home, but I wanted that ride. Every hallucination brought me closer to you and the stars. Paralyzed by alcohol and neon signs, the Masquerade and pills like candy. With my mask I was somewhere else, someone else. Dangerous and sexy. You. I wore your mask. Your legacy.
And then I was falling, falling through the stars and the sky and the sand in our hour glass, just another lost second in a sea of time. Through the moon and the ocean and the ink, through the tip of your pen and the bristles of your brush. Suspended in the place where my heart should have been, but it is buried down under the earth, under with you in a place where I cannot follow. I wanted it to be your body beside mine in bed at night, goodnight, never goodbye, but it wasn't because you were dead. I cannot find sleep without you, and where did you go? Through the trees and the vines like the slick panther in my dreams? Wild cat, hazel slit-eyes. Jeweled pupils and diamond vision. Leering at me through the darkness. I wanted you on my tongue.
Fire-eyes, your skin tasting like wine. Those nights when we were alive, you held me close. Closer than I'd ever been to a human before, closer than my skin. Wild cat-succubus, not human. Magic ink-painter, never human. Those nights you wrapped your body around me and we were some Greek god that you read to me from your books. Some Greek god with wings of wax. We flew too close. Too close to the sun, Gerard, and we melted and we fell. Just two lost seconds in a sea of time. Just two lost seconds with melted wings of wax...