Make This Perfect Again

My mind was racing as Josh just sat silently on my couch. Was he alright with it? Was he going to leave me? I was over-thinking again. I really needed to stop that. Josh was just completely silent, and barely moving. "Josh..." I said in a quiet, raspy voice.

"I'm sorry...what?" Josh looked at me, with a face that showed disbelief.

"Please don't make me say it again Josh..." I said. I don't think I could bring myself to say it again.

"No, I heard what you said...but, what?" I could feel tears welling up again. "Josline...I..."

I looked up at Josh, a few tears falling from my eyes. This was the most nervous I had ever been in my life. "Don't leave me Josh." I said, nearly begging. Josh then looked shocked. The very same face that Matt had made when I was worried Josh was going to leave me.

"L...leave you? Why would I do that?" Josh said. I looked up at him, more tears brimming my eyes.

"I...umm..." I was at a loss for words.

"Did you think that because you are pregnant, I would leave you?" I nodded. "Josline...I would never do that. To anyone, especially you. You're too special to lose. And I don't want to lose you again." I felt a bit of relief wash over me.

"So...you're fine with it?" I asked.

"I don't know if I'm 100% fine with it..." Josh said. My heart started to sink again. "But, I'm 100% supportive of you." Josh smiled. He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. I definitily felt better knowing Josh was going to be supportive, and that he wouldn't leave me.

"When I do have the baby...you're going to stay? I won't have to call the Maury Show on you?" I joked.

"I don't think I could handle an entire audience booing at me. And, also, I love you too much to even think about leaving you and the baby by yourselves." Josh laughed, and then hugged me. I was in a comfortable place, and I loved it. I really felt like everything that had happened between me and Josh in the past...hadn't really happened. I felt like, I was going to be just fine, that me and Josh were going to be just fine.I layed wrapped up in Josh's arms the rest of the night that I told him. Occasionally he would look down at me to check if I was sleeping, because I would become unresponsive for a short while. I also noticed that Josh had the tendancy to rub or touch my stomach, and I was still fairly small. In the next few months, I would definitly start gaining more weight. That part, I wasn't looking forwards to.

My parents we're absolutely thrilled when I told them. My mom had started crying over the phone, and that made me cry, because I hated hearing my mom cry, and I knew she was just happy for me. My dad wanted to have a long chat with Josh about the responsibilities of being a dad, and making equal time for work, me and the baby. Josh still seemed very intimidated by my parents, but I knew that mom and dad loved him.

Airin and Marque, mostly Marque, were extatic. Marque kept singing "First come's love, then comes baby. Then come's Josh in a suit at the altar!" I found the song really amusing. Airin, I could tell was a little iffy about it, but Airin was just Airin, and had never really accepted that Josh had done what he had done to me in the past. But if I could get past it, I'm damn sure that Airin could get past it.

Matt, Mike and Ian congradulated Josh in the most ridiculous way I had ever seen...a 'Manhood-Being-Taken-Away' party. Matt said that now that he was going to be a dad, he no longer had his 'manhood sticker'. Mike was telling him that I needed to be treated right, and Ian...he was just being Ian and going with the flow of things. And I forgot to mention...Mariah and Ian were living together. They were a real cute couple. And they both seemed super happy with one another. Ian was a great guy, and Mariah deserved to be happy, and have such a great guy in her life. But I had Josh, and a supportive family...and Matt.

And that's all that mattered.