A Sea Of Sound

Something bumped against the door. Katelynn's eyes flew open from her spot beneath the window sill, eerily icy blue in the pitch-darkness. The dregs of sleep quickly wore away and the panic came back - her heart rate sped up to an audible thumping that beat through the silence and terror clouded her mind. She was to the door in a flash and tore it open.

Framed in the backlit door jamb was a sandy-haired boy, eyes downcast and shoes on. He looked up and Katelynn read sadness in his amber eyes, usually so charming and bright.

"You woke me up," she stated accusingly, taking a step closer to the warmth of another's presence. Behind her, the gloom called, traced whispers on her back with sharp fingernails and grappled at her shirt. She took another step, almost chest to chest with Maury.

"I'm so sorry," Maury said, reaching for her hand. Katelynn let him take it and he cradled it in both of his. They were quiet.

"My parents let you in?" she asked, thinking of the shouting match earlier where her parents had yelled at her across the kitchen about not being able to see Maury anymore. She'd been especially heartbroken, since he was leaving for Pennsylvania in numbered days.

"They're not home." He frowned. The expression made her heart dip and she ran the fingers of her free hand lightly over his forehead, brushing the tips of his bangs and willing him to clear his anxiety. "Why?"

"Nothing," Katelynn shook her head. "Come in?" Connected by their hands, she gestured to the bedroom, stark black compared to the golden glow of the hallway. The navy sky outside didn't do much for the window that strained for every beam of light.

Maury was still. "Not tonight." He sighed and held her hand tighter, closer to his chest. She retreated all the way into the hall and closed the bedroom door until it was an inch from hitting its frame. "I came to tell you something."

Her heart sank horribly. "What?" That was never a good opening, not with his expression. "What's wrong?"

He wrapped her in his arms and exhaled into her white-blond hair. It tickled, but Katelynn couldn't laugh. Not yet. She trembled. "I came to say goodbye."

Her heart, now somewhere in the region of her stomach, stopped. Her lungs deflated. There was no feeling in her knees, so that if Maury hadn't been holding her she'd surely have fallen. Katelynn buried her face into his shirt, breathing in deeply, filling her hollow lungs with his smell, her desperation. "Why?" It seemed impossible that her voice broke three times in one syllable.

"Penn State offered me a scholarship," Maury said slowly, stroking her hair, "you know, for lacrosse? But they said I have to come early and move into the dorms before everyone else, and play for the season if I wanted it."

"You - you said you'd pick me, if it came this early." She was crying now, silently, but the tears were there, soaking his shirt and blurring her vision. "That's what you said. You wouldn't leave me until the end. Not before."

Maury's chest was shaking, but Katelynn couldn't make herself look up. "Sweetie, I know. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry."

"You promised." The tears came faster, hotter. She clutched his shirt, his hand holding her head close, contradicting what he was saying.

"I have to go," he said, "the ship's leaving tonight. I'll be there in a few hours."

It seemed an eternity before he gently pried her away, kissing her on the lips and breathing her in. She held, she reached, she cried, blindly, brokenly, but it took everything he had to step back, step away, and out the door.

The instant Katelynn was aware she was solitary, she forcefully curled up into a ball, digging her fingers into her calves. The demons came, wrenching at her hair and stealing the breath Maury had left her with.

She was -

In the bathroom -

On the floor -

Cold tiles -

Pain - excruciating pain in her skull -

Cold -

Then she was up and running, throwing herself into the unknown, tripping down the stairs and out the front door, her emotions in a turmoil and gripping her arms, hugging herself tightly. Whether she was chasing Maury or escaping herself, she didn't know. Red dripped into her eyes, but she wiped away the warmth and ran on. The pain throbbed, making it hard to see, hard to feel, hard to hurt.

"Maury," she yelled. The dock was empty, frozen, seething with early morning fog. The water sloshed messily against the pier. Its fathoms were dark, ominously drawing her attention. "Maury." Yelling his name kept her from being alone. It reminded her of his arms around her, his solid presence, his love.

Katelynn folded into herself, closed her eyes against the tears, the blood, the water, and shouted his name blindly into the air, over and over and over.