All I Wanted

(Sky.)

“I-I killed someone”

I gasped in shock and my hand flew to my mouth. “What? How?”

I wanted every possible detail. I just couldn’t see how a kid like him could be involved in something like murder.

Small droplets of water pooled in his glistening eyes. One by one the army of tears marched down his face onto his shirt.

“He…just attacked.” he sobbed. “A-And I c-couldn’t d-o anything. Th-Then he dr-dro-pped the gun. I didn’t kno-w-w what to do so I picked up the g-gun. And I killed him.” he whispered the last part as if he were so very afraid that saying out loud would make it happen again.

I wrapped my around his shoulders. “Wait. Slow down. Tell me the whole story.”

He took a deep breath and started from the beginning. “W-Well my brother was babysitting me. My-My parents had gone out to a party.” he tried explaining. My eyes were trained on him the whole time. “And Mark and I were sitting in his room.” I’m guessing Mark was his brother. “Then we heard a loud bang. Ma-Mark got up t-to see what is was but a m-man had come into..into his room.” he hiccupped. “Mark tried to protect me but the man, he had a gun. He shot Mark. He shot my brother right in front of me.” he sobbed for a few moments and I let him collect himself.

I gripped him even harder. “I didn’t know what to do!” I pulled him into my lap.

“Sh…it’s ok.” I cooed.

“B-But the man dropped the gun. I-I just p-icked it up. I shot him.” he sobbed even harder.

“Oh God.” I whispered. The poor thing had to witness his brother’s death. And then he had to defend himself.

“You hate me now. Don’t you?” he asked.

“What? No! How could I hate you?” I was shocked. “You were just defending yourself. It’s not your fault.”

I rubbed his cheek and tugged his face up to look at mine “It’s not your fault.”

He nodded reluctantly.

His eyes went downcast. “But everyone else thinks it is.”

“How?”

“W-Well, because I’m so pitiful. After I, you know, I umm..I tried to commit suicide.”

“Oh my gosh. What happened after that?”

“My parents came home and found us. I was rushed to the hospital. But there was no saving Mark.”

I rocked us back and forth. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head into my chest.

“I just don’t get why every one avoids you.” I couldn’t grasp why anyone would abandon him.

“W-Well everyone thought that I killed them both. They thought I was just jealous because Mark had a ‘new friend’ and I killed them” he used air quotes when he said New Friend.

I scoffed. “Why would you be jealous?”

He hid his face from me and sputtered around the answer. “W-Well all the kids used to tease me at school. Th-They used to say that Mark and I were…together.”

It took me a minute to figure out what he meant. “Like incest?”

He nodded.

“What?” I asked.

“Everyday Mark would take me to school and give me a kiss on the cheek and tell me to have a good day. He was the only person I ever had. He was just being a good big brother.”

I kissed his cheek “It’s ok.”

“But I didn’t do it I swear.” he choked out.

“I know.”

“The police found out that the man’s wife was having an affair with Mark.” It all made sense. “But everyone still thinks I’m a freak. They’re all scared of me. They think I’m gonna freak and massacre the whole school.”

By this time my shirt was soaked and he was still sobbing.

“You should get something to eat. Come on.” I attempted pulling him up.

“No. I’m not hungry. Just tired.”

“Ok.” I moved my back against the wall and laid down. His back was to my chest. I could feel his body stiffen like he was scared.

“I’m here. No one’s gonna hurt you.”

He relaxed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome”

He shivered so I grabbed the blanket from the bottom of the bed and covered the two of us, cocooning us in the warmth.

“Will you be here when I wake?”

“Of course.” I brushed the hair from his face and kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep love.”