All I Wanted

(Deano.)

“So. What do we need? You already have most of the necessities,” I said as Vince and I browsed the isles of Babies ‘R Us.

“Loads of Diapers and wipes. And maybe some new bibs and bottles.”

I chuckled. It’s like this is all new to him. Even though it’s not.

“Do you think there’s anything else? I don’t want to miss anything. It might be something important too,” he rambled.

I grabbed his arm to pull him to a halt. “Calm down,” I said, “you had everything from the beginning. Stop freaking out.”

He sighed. “Ok. I’m sorry. This isn’t much of a celebration is it?”

“It’s your celebration not mine. Do what you want,” I snickered.

“Well, you’re the baby sitter. So you get to celebrate.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

“Oh. There’s that smart attitude again. That hasn’t reared it’s ugly head in quite a while.”

I smacked him in the chest. “Stop being a smart ass.”

“Love you too,” he joked.I wish it wasn’t. “I’ve been thinking,” he continued, “I told you a story. About Lizzy, you know. I think you owe me a story.”

Please don’t let this go where I think it’s going. “What type of story?”

“Remember when you said you’d eventually tell me that story? Why you freaked out the night of that thunder storm?” he probed.

This was exactly the thing I didn’t want to tell him.

“I don’t think your story was enough to get that out of me.”

He pouted. Damn pout. “Please. I’m your friend now. Can’t you trust me?”No…

“Not here,” I said. No one ever got this story out of me. Not in the three years since it happened. I’d planned on no one getting it out of me.

I always said I wouldn’t get close to anyone either, but Vince wormed his way in.

Fucker.

“Let’s go then.” He ushered me to the cash register to pay for our goods and we left.

I dreaded arriving back at his apartment.

I wanted to vomit when we did get there. He put away the things we bought and laid Micah down for a nap.

He sat Indian style on the couch beside me.

“So,” he whispered, “how about that story?”

“Promise not to say anything when I’m done?” I growled.

“Promise Promise!”

“Ok,” I sighed. My eyes stung and mad my vision blurry. “A few years ago, Sky met this boy. His name was James.”

“Yea. Dakota told me about him.” he interjected.

“So you know about the night Sky lost his virginity?” I choked out.

“…Yea. You slept with him the same night, didn’t you?”

He thinks I’m a whore. I nodded. My gaze was strained on the big picture window that looked over the street below. I didn’t feel like I could look at him.

“Are you upset about that night?” Vince asked.

I nodded. But not for the reason you think.

“Tell me about it?”

I nodded again. “James and I had been ‘friends’ for a little while. The whole time he was seeing Sky. It wasn’t like James was cheating on him or anything. We just did drugs together. We’d made a sort of deal He didn’t tell my parents and I didn’t tell Sky.”

I could see Vince nod in understanding, from the corner of my eye. I couldn’t look directly at him. I felt to vulnerable.

“I started to feel bad about it though. I mean, who would want their little brother to date a drug addict? So, I told James I wasn’t going to hang out with him anymore. He freaked out a little.”

Vince reached up before I could stop him and moved the hair from my eyes. I flinched away from the touch.

“Sorry,” he apologized when he noticed I had to swallow down a sob.

I shook my head. “B-But he go-got mad. He came to my h-house in the night. Everyone was asleep.” I squeezed my eyes tight. “He told me not to tell anyone.”

Vince ran his fingers over the back of my neck. I shivered lightly.

“He thought that I had already told Sky about the drugs and that I knew he’d cheated. More than once. So-s-so there h-he was, in m-my house. He…he wasn’t pl-pleasant.”

His hand rested on my knee, the other still on my neck. “What did he do?”

“He…” I let out a gut wrenching sob. “He raped me.”

He wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. My body could barely move on it’s own.

“Th-then I told him that I hadn’t told Sky, he said-d he’d find out. I-I had to-to get 6 st-stitches in my hip be-because he stabbed me. I was bleeding everywhere. My face, my hip, m-my as-ss.”

He rocked me back and forth, slowly.

“Then when he was done, he went to Sky’s room, like nothing had happened. That’s why we aren’t close anymore. I-I just can’t look at him, knowing that I let that happen to him. I let that monster get a hold of him. I should have stopped it from the beginning!” I cried even harder knowing that Sky would never forgive me if he knew the truth. “I’m such a bad brother!”

“No. James hurt you. You could barely save yourself.”

But I should have. It doesn’t matter if I could or not.

“Come here,” he said and pulled me up. He carried me to his bed.

“Please don’t tell Sky,” I whimpered.

He slipped under the blankets behind me and enveloped me in his arms.

“Go to sleep. You’ll be ok.” His cooing and his warm chest on my back sent me to sleep.