Forever Is Fine

Bentley suckled greedily at the nipple of the baby bottle, almost as if she hadn’t been fed since this morning.

“Mom,” Tanner replied, desperately trying to keep back all the nasty things that sprung to the tip of his tongue. “Tell me that you fed Bentley today.”

His mother, who was laying on the couch with a vodka spritzer in her hand, glared out at him. “Of course I did,” she spat. “What kind of mother do you think I am?”

She really doesn’t want to know the answer to that, Tanner thought, shaking his head.

Not long after Bentley finished her bottle, she was dozing peacefully in her brother’s arms. Their mother had passed out ten minutes ago and leaving her on the couch, Tanner carried Bentley up the stairs to her crib. Closing her room door, he jogged back downstairs, picked up a letter that had come for him that day and went upstairs again - this time, to his own room.

Glancing at the top left-hand corner of the envelope, he saw that it was a reply from Will’s address. Tanner ripped the envelope open and scanned through the letter that was enclosed. He felt his heart drop and his chest constricted as he read those first few words: “I’m sorry to say that Will is dead.”

The boy who, at one point in his life had been Tanner’s very best friend, was dead. What sort of sick joke was this? What sort of best friend was he not to have known this? God, he could only guess what this girl thought of him now. It was one thing to mix up an address - it was another thing entirely to not know someone had died.

Tanner dropped the letter down onto his desk. He would write the girl back later. Shaking his head, he ran his hands over his face. Tanner didn’t know how to react. Death was something that he’d never really knew how to react to. He didn’t know how to cope with this.

Flicking off his overhead lamp and turning on Bentley’s baby monitor, Tanner crawled under the warm covers of his bed desperate for a few hours sleep.

___________

The clock read eighteen after two when Bentley decided that she was, yet again, hungry. Tanner managed to sleepily manoeuvre his way downstairs to get a bottle, then brought it back up to his younger sister.

“I’m never having kids,” he mumbled to myself as a bright eyed Bentley looked up at him, bottle in her mouth.

As Tanner stared into Bentley’s deep blue eyes, he was quite suddenly curious about the girl in the letter. He got to wondering, what were the color of her eyes? Were they a shade of blue, like Bentley’s? Or maybe brown like his or some shade in between? The last of the formula trickled into Bentley’s mouth and she let out a somewhat pathetic yawn.

“Back to bed for you,” he chuckled, placing her back into her crib and going back into his room. Instead of heading back to bed, Tanner sat in front of my desk and spread open the letter - reading it through once more.

“Destery,” he said to the silence, the letter still in his hand. Tanner had never heard of anyone with that name before. It was different. He liked it.

Grabbing a pencil and slip of paper from the side desk drawer, he read over the letter once more. Destery had offered to listen to what he had to say. She had basically invited him to spill his guts. Although her statement suggesting that he pretend she was Will was a little crazy, it was the thought that counted. And besides, weren’t strangers supposed to be the best people to talk to?

He raised his hand, pencil hovering over the ivory paper, before placing the lead down and starting to write.

Dear Destery,

I have to say that I was nothing less then shocked when I received your letter. I can only begin to imagine what you must think of me, what with not knowing of our friend’s death. I’ve been out of the loop for a while.

It’s very kind of you to offer to listen to my story. At first, I will admit, I was a bit hesitant at revealing bits of my life to a complete stranger, but I have heard it said that strangers are sometimes easier to talk to then friends.

I guess I should start with the move. My dad died about two years ago when I was still living in Loudoun. He was struck and left to die by what we can only assume was a drunk driver. My mom was completely torn up about it. So, it could be considered a smart move that she picked up and moved us down to Raleigh, where my aunt lives a few streets down.

The time after the accident was… tough to say the least. My mom became slightly depressed. She drank excessively, was out until all hours in the night, and only a few months after my dad’s death, starting bringing different guys home for the night. Which sort of leads me to Bentley’s father.

To put it simply, we’re not quite sure who my little sister’s dad is. It could’ve been a number of nameless men that my mother had been with. Mom sort of cleaned her act up when she was pregnant with Bentley. She gave up the drinking, the smoking. She took care of herself and I thought that things were finally going to be okay. That this little baby was going to change my mom. Bring back the mother she used to be. That didn’t exactly happen.

Not two months after Bentley was born, Mom was back at it again. So to put it simply, I’ve been the one caring for my little sister the past five months of her life. She means the world to me. She’s absolutely precious. I graduate this year, and I’m hoping to petition the courts for full custody of her. There’s no way I can leave here with Mom. So I keep my grades up, don’t get into any trouble, and keep at it every day.

Surprisingly enough, I feel a lot better after telling you this. Whether this was what you expected or not, it still feels good to get it all off my chest. To tell someone what happened. Thank you for listening to what I had to say.

It’s getting late on my end, so I should probably get to bed. Even though tomorrow is Saturday, I still need my sleep. Bentley doesn’t know that Saturday is supposed to give us an excuse to sleep in.

Yours,
Tanner.

Feeling oddly satisfied with himself, Tanner folded up the rather long letter and slipped it into an envelope. Scrawling the mistaken address onto the front, he sealed it before heading to bed.