Monster

I did it again; I burned my sinuses with meth, and as I sit back waiting for the effects of this drug to fully consume me, I laugh at the irony of what has just happened. Repeatedly I've told myself I can resist the temptation, I will take control of my life, defeat this monster. Instead, the monster intruded my thoughts and conquered my mind. I'm merely a hollow shell that only my demon can fill. I was foolish to think I could live without it.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I began sweating profusely. My breathing is shallow and rapid and I cannot hear anything over the insanely loud and fast beating of my heart, which only seems to be increasing in speed. I can feel my muscles twitching. It's an odd sensation to have your muscles move involuntarily. Suddenly I wanted to understand how a voluntary movement began to move on its own. It was absurd; I could not understand how this could happen.

I started seeing spots. I'm not sure if they're actually floating around or not. Maybe I have learned the ability to see microscopic particles floating around in the air. My chest began hurting, my right arm was tingling. It felt like there was a fifty pound weight sitting on my heart. It was an uncomfortable experience, one that made me even more confused than I already was. Meth wasn't supposed to hurt. It made me feel incredibly alive. It was the only thing I could count on to make me feel euphoric. If it caused me pain, what did I have left?

Oddly, I became extremely tired. I had stopped sweating, though my skin still felt very feverish. My right hand felt like it had fallen asleep and I could hardly move it. I rest my head against the cool wall and closed my eyes, willing the annoying pain in my chest to go away. I was then overcome by a vague sense of passing out.