And I Don't Want The World to See Me

Steven’s POV:
I wake up, think about Jordan, get a shower, think about Jordan, eat breakfast, think about Jordan, go to my first class, think about Jordan, go to my second class, think about Jordan, go to work, think about Jordan, do homework, think about Jordan, got to bed, and think about Jordan, then dream about Jordan and it starts all over again.
Life went on but I couldn’t forget her, she was branded in my brain permanently. It was the way that girl in front of me in Mr. Dugan’s chemistry class twirled her hair like Jordan did and the way Chelsea DeMartino smacked her gum the way Jordan hated and the way Katie Gregson wore her bathing suit underneath her clothes like Jordan told me she did in freshman year in the three months leading to our summer break. Jordan was everywhere I looked and I couldn’t get he out of my head, the yellow daffodils, the blue sky and pure white clouds, the winter chill when November rolled around, now it‘s January and things are so fucked up I can barely stand another day in the life of Steven Matthew Bocchese. God, things had moved so fast with Jordan and I bet that’s why she left me, I scared her away. Way to go, Steve.
My phone rang, maybe noon, but I didn’t know because it was a Saturday and I was still in bed. I picked it up, it was Justin. I answered, he told me he called Jordan again, like he did everyday, and that she didn’t answer, just like she never did. That was his update “Oh,” he said at the end of the phone call just when we were going to hang up, “And Maci just said Steven, bye.” Click. That was it. I laid settled back in, put my phone on my chest and tried to go to sleep again except my phone vibrated. Unknown number, probably a telemarketer, mine as well answer and tell ‘em to take me off their list.
“Hello?” I sighed and yawned, stretching my free arm above my head.
“Steven?” Didn’t know the voice either.
“Yeah.”
“This is Jordan,” and I was instantly out of bed, my bare feet hitting the cold linoleum waking me up completely as if her calling hadn’t. “Jordan Hager.” As if she had to clarify.
“Yeah,” I said. “I only know one Jordan.” That was a lie, there was Jordan Catalana in my anatomy class on Wednesday’s.
“Listen, I have something to tell you, ok,” she said.
I nodded, too dumb to realize she couldn’t see it.
She mumbled something like “No beating around the bush,” to herself before saying flat out, “I’m pregnant.”
My breath was basically taken away, shocked it out of me. “What?”
“Yeah, and you’re the father,” she said. “Anyway, I need to go now.”
“Wait, Jord,” I said but it was too late, the click had already came. That’s the second Hager to hang up on me in one day.

****

The whole rest of the day I couldn’t fall back to sleep but I went through the day in a fog, sounds so cliché but it’s true. I wasn’t all there when Frank was trying to tell me about this girl he got with the night before or when the girls in Julia Momson’s group flirted me like they did daily though they never really registered in my mind in the first place. I always compared them to Jordan and how Jordan’s was more classy, was more conservative, more reserved, more beautiful. I told myself daily that Jordan was different and that I couldn’t give up on her because she was the one for me and she would come back to me and if she didn’t, I’d run until I found her, I just had to finish college first.