Status: the end...oh so sad to see Jord go...look for the sequel!
And I Don't Want The World to See Me
Ethan Pepil
I don’t know what sparked in me but I wanted to date again, I needed to be connected to the world. I missed Steven daily but I knew I couldn’t go back, I bet he would never forgive me even if I begged. The girls encouraged me too and soon enough I found some guy who took me for me even if me was pregnant at the time.
His name was Ethan Pepil and he was handsome. He was twenty-two and he thought I was twenty. Maybe sometime I would tell him the truth but for now he loved me for me and I didn’t even act twenty.
****
Things were looking so up for me. I had new friends who were better than the old ones in Vineland and a boyfriend who could support me (his dad owned a big company) and that meant I didn’t have to worry about my baby having a bad life. She could grow up getting everything she wanted. After we dated for only a month, on Valentine’s day, Ethan proposed to me. I found it shocking, I mean honestly only one month? Of course I said yes though, it was the only way I could ensure my baby’s safety and the amazing life she deserved. I was seven months along then and my thoughts were consumed with her. I decided I would name her Ivy because I read it somewhere and thought it was pretty. Ivy Grace Ellen, I was still undecided to name her Hager or Pepil. Along with Ivy, the other part of my mind wouldn’t stop reeling. I saw Chaz, the first time we kissed, our relationship together. How great it was even if I was so young. I saw Matt, our first kiss, how my head had spun then too but faded all too quickly. I remembered back to the beginning of the summer. It felt like so long ago, I had come such a long way. I remembered leaving that house, so sad. I had ruined it for myself that day, I realized. I was alone now because of the most stupid thing I could do. I was only seventeen I couldn’t handle this. Sometimes I forgot I was seventeen but then I come back down to earth. Flash forward to Steven. Steven wasn’t my first love but he was my last. I didn’t even love Ethan that powerfully and he had the money that would make my family happy and then I could go back home married and rich and with a baby. But I knew I wouldn’t.
Justin still called me everyday. Sometimes good news, sometimes bad, and sometimes just to tell me that I should come back and visit and that Maci wanted me to come back though I doubted it, she didn’t even know who I was, she was barely a year old for goodness sake.
“Hey, Jord,” that was the most recent voicemail, I still couldn’t bring myself to pick up that phone but Justin never seemed mad about that. “It’s Justin…duh.” This is where I should’ve known something weird was going on but I just listened and went on clueless. “Steven’s leaving for the Dominican Republic around the time the baby’s supposed to be born. He really wants to be there, Jord, and he needs to know by Friday so he can fill out the slip and hand in his money for the plane ticket. Jord, please, answer me this time. Please, Steven misses you and I know it’s so overused in these situations but he’s falling apart. Please just consider it, it’s one day.” He took a breath, just one. “I love you, Jordan, call you tomorrow.”
I erased the message and slapped my phone shut. I was sitting on the bed that was in the middle of the attic room. I refused to move in with Ethan until the end of the month. This was like my last month of freedom and than a month after we’re moved in together we have to take care of a baby. I wonder if Ethan is really even good with babies. I don’t know, I know Steven would be good at holding a baby, raising his child. Maybe he’d stop missing me one day and move on and marry someone and have a child like I am. Although, I haven’t really moved on, I just pretend I have.
****
March came and now it was going, April 11th was fast approaching. I called Justin and put on a strong voice and told him I didn’t want Steven here. I didn’t tell him about Ethan but I did tell him about seeing Chaz again. I told him I missed him and Maci and Mom and Dad but not as much anymore. Besides I really didn’t have time to worry about being homesick when all I was thinking about these days was the baby and, despite my best efforts, Steven. It was March 30th, Ethan decided he wanted to take me to see a movie to help calm my nerves because I was getting jittery. We went with Tammy and Ed to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I was actually really excited, I loved the Disney version and Tara said her daughter really liked it and considering I’m about the same age as her daughter it was obvious I’d like it too.
His name was Ethan Pepil and he was handsome. He was twenty-two and he thought I was twenty. Maybe sometime I would tell him the truth but for now he loved me for me and I didn’t even act twenty.
****
Things were looking so up for me. I had new friends who were better than the old ones in Vineland and a boyfriend who could support me (his dad owned a big company) and that meant I didn’t have to worry about my baby having a bad life. She could grow up getting everything she wanted. After we dated for only a month, on Valentine’s day, Ethan proposed to me. I found it shocking, I mean honestly only one month? Of course I said yes though, it was the only way I could ensure my baby’s safety and the amazing life she deserved. I was seven months along then and my thoughts were consumed with her. I decided I would name her Ivy because I read it somewhere and thought it was pretty. Ivy Grace Ellen, I was still undecided to name her Hager or Pepil. Along with Ivy, the other part of my mind wouldn’t stop reeling. I saw Chaz, the first time we kissed, our relationship together. How great it was even if I was so young. I saw Matt, our first kiss, how my head had spun then too but faded all too quickly. I remembered back to the beginning of the summer. It felt like so long ago, I had come such a long way. I remembered leaving that house, so sad. I had ruined it for myself that day, I realized. I was alone now because of the most stupid thing I could do. I was only seventeen I couldn’t handle this. Sometimes I forgot I was seventeen but then I come back down to earth. Flash forward to Steven. Steven wasn’t my first love but he was my last. I didn’t even love Ethan that powerfully and he had the money that would make my family happy and then I could go back home married and rich and with a baby. But I knew I wouldn’t.
Justin still called me everyday. Sometimes good news, sometimes bad, and sometimes just to tell me that I should come back and visit and that Maci wanted me to come back though I doubted it, she didn’t even know who I was, she was barely a year old for goodness sake.
“Hey, Jord,” that was the most recent voicemail, I still couldn’t bring myself to pick up that phone but Justin never seemed mad about that. “It’s Justin…duh.” This is where I should’ve known something weird was going on but I just listened and went on clueless. “Steven’s leaving for the Dominican Republic around the time the baby’s supposed to be born. He really wants to be there, Jord, and he needs to know by Friday so he can fill out the slip and hand in his money for the plane ticket. Jord, please, answer me this time. Please, Steven misses you and I know it’s so overused in these situations but he’s falling apart. Please just consider it, it’s one day.” He took a breath, just one. “I love you, Jordan, call you tomorrow.”
I erased the message and slapped my phone shut. I was sitting on the bed that was in the middle of the attic room. I refused to move in with Ethan until the end of the month. This was like my last month of freedom and than a month after we’re moved in together we have to take care of a baby. I wonder if Ethan is really even good with babies. I don’t know, I know Steven would be good at holding a baby, raising his child. Maybe he’d stop missing me one day and move on and marry someone and have a child like I am. Although, I haven’t really moved on, I just pretend I have.
****
March came and now it was going, April 11th was fast approaching. I called Justin and put on a strong voice and told him I didn’t want Steven here. I didn’t tell him about Ethan but I did tell him about seeing Chaz again. I told him I missed him and Maci and Mom and Dad but not as much anymore. Besides I really didn’t have time to worry about being homesick when all I was thinking about these days was the baby and, despite my best efforts, Steven. It was March 30th, Ethan decided he wanted to take me to see a movie to help calm my nerves because I was getting jittery. We went with Tammy and Ed to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I was actually really excited, I loved the Disney version and Tara said her daughter really liked it and considering I’m about the same age as her daughter it was obvious I’d like it too.