And I Don't Want The World to See Me

The whole entire day people complimented on how cute our baby was and how old and the whole entire day we had to tell them it was my brother’s.
We went down to the water and sat in the sand for a long while. Steven went in the water for a little while and I watched from shore where I played with Maci. She was such a happy baby. She never cried and when her feet touched the cold ocean water she only let out a squeal of sheer delight. She didn’t cry once, even when I had to make Steven carry her because my arms were tired. But we did end up buying one of those baby wraps.
The rest of the time after we bought the wrap she was asleep. Worn out from all the day’s fun. Her tiny cheek pressed against my bare chest and her breath was there as well and it was nice just being an aunt for once. On more than one occasion I would turn my head to say something and catch Steven looking at the whole picture with me and a baby where my arms still rested under her bum though they didn’t anymore. I wanted to know what he was thinking so badly but his eyes turned from oceans to stones as quick as I’d seen them change and my chance to find up was over.
We ended up on the beach and it was nearing eight at night. Soon enough my mom and dad would come home to an empty house and Justin would come home worried about his baby but I didn’t care because the sunset was so beautiful. Because Steven was holding my hand in the sand. Because Maci was sleeping so happily on my chest, her breathing even as opposed to my erratic heartbeat. Because Steven was leaning into me. Because he was closer than he was yesterday. Because his lips were on mine. Because my breath caught in my throat.
He pulled away slowly and I knew that he’d felt it too. The pounding heartbeat. The “Spark”. It took me a good thirty seconds for my breath to catch back up to me and for time to start again. Our eyes locked and I broke it by looking up at the sky. I knew he followed what I did. I knew exactly what he was doing in his head because I was too. Counting stars, trying to make the minutes of the night not flow by as quickly as they were. Trying to elongate the night.

****

By the time we were back in my driveway it was almost ten at night. I got out of the car slowly and quietly and kissed Steven goodnight. I grabbed Maci and her car seat from the back and wound my way through the cars in the driveway and into the house. Justin was asleep on the couch and I set the seat down at the front door before going to wake him up.
He gladly sat up and took the baby from my arms. He cooed to her and looked at me madly like he’d been up worried sick waiting for me to get home.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “She’s been asleep for the past like five hours. We really did have a good time.”
He nodded and then bent his head back over Maci and cooed to her some more. I was in my room but I knew when he passed by my room to take her to bed, he was singing to her.

****

The next morning he explained to me in detail what went down with Tara. It wasn’t really too dramatic. She was living with her sister until she got enough money to leave again. She still didn’t tell Justin why she didn’t want to see Maci or why she felt so guilty when there was nothing to feel guilty about.
He met up with Kevin and they hung out for a little while and played video games and jammed a little on the guitar before he left to come home and he thought that we’d be home by the time he was but he was an hour too early and way to tired to stay up and wait.
He explained all this over cereal and milk at the kitchen table and than it was my turn to tell him about my day. I told him mostly the truth except for when it came down to people thinking Maci was mine and Steven’s and I left out the dizzy feeling I got while kissing him as well. But I felt it all to well when I thought about it.