Within You, Without You

The first feast was a good rest of the night. I met a lot of people in my house, and all of them were extremely welcoming. I seemed to hit it off with a good amount of them, and I felt myself smiling for most of the night. It was absolutely great. The feeling of belonging somewhere. I can't remember the last time I felt it. It feels amazing.

The two twins kept moving their seats to see if I'd still be able to tell them apart, and each time I was able to. They always proclaimed to everyone that I met that they were my automatic best friends, on account of meeting me first. The two of them are quite the funny pair. I found out that they are a year ahead of me, and that they also have a younger brother one year behind me and a younger sister behind him. All of them were red heads, and yet there were still more Weasleys already out of Hogwarts! To think of having that many siblings!

New First Years got sorted into houses and sat at the respective tables. Dumbledore stood up to make a speech, but before that he introduced me as a new student. The feeling of everyone staring at me bore into my and I wanted to disappear. He started talking about things called 'Quidditch' and a 'Triwizard Tournament,' but I really had no clue what they were so I just kept listening, hoping maybe I'd understand something of his speech.

Overall, the night came and went. It was a great night, and I wished it could've lasted forever. Everlasting food, and talking and laughter filled the entire room.
It felt amazing.

Here I was now, though, a week after classes started. It was a Friday, and I just finished my last class. I was walking back to the Gryffindor common room, alone. For the first couple of days, many people came up to me and questioned me about where I used to live, where I went to school, etc. I patiently answered (somewhat at least, I must admit I barely told anything), and they listened intently. But the excitement of being a new student quickly faded off and I as a result faded into the background. I found it hard to get myself into a group of friends. Everyone around my age already had their own group, and I felt as if I'd be an intruder if I tried to squeeze in. Not even the two twins have tried to get me to join them, which I was disappointed about. They seemed like they would be very interesting people to know.

Needless to say, once again I felt alone.

And as I walked through the crowded halls, I thought of how strange that must sound. Back when I was the only student here, I felt so content and by no means lonely. But nowadays, it was much different. All the students were around so professors were in their professional mode (although every now and then if I caught them alone they'd be how they were over the summer with me). The creatures of the area don't come out as much (including, sadly Volatillis), afraid of the amount of students around. And the portraits, well, I didn't want to be seen as that creepy new girl that just sits and talks to paintings all day (although I'm close to resorting to that).

I stopped at a window for a bit, looking outside of it. For the past week it's been constant gray skies, full of clouds. As if the sky decided to bring the end of my summer happiness quite literally.

"Maude," I heard a cold voice say behind me. I turned around and saw someone I didn't know coming towards me. The hallway I was in was pretty much empty now. Everyone was done with classes and heading off to their common rooms. I suddenly wished that I didn't stop at the window and kept going to my common room, as this person got closer and closer. I saw that he was wearing green, and realized he was in Slytherin. Inside, I groaned. I've heard enough stories. The Slytherins bring Gryffindors nothing but trouble.

"Yes?" I answered when the boy was finally in front of me.

He stuck his hand out. "Draven Crowley."

Warily, I shook his hand. "Lucy Maude."

He let go of my hand and looked at me smugly. "I know who you are. Our parents used to be best friends back when they were our age."

The word parents cut through me, deeply. "Our p-parents?" I asked, my voice slightly louder than a squeak. It's not that I have forgotten them, it's just, I haven't thought of their death since the night Dumbledore asked me about them dying. And just with the mention of them, I was spiraling downward, remembering that horrid night. I looked at outside the window, where it started to rain. It was raining that day as well...

"Yes, our parents. You remember yours at least, don't you? William Maude and Madison Benatellis? You can remember them, right?"

Patronizing git, I thought in my head as I made sure no tears even made their way into my eyes. "Of course I remember them," I answered through a locked jaw. I have not told anyone what has happened to my parents here. I said they died, and no one asked further. But this kid...if our parents were really best friends back then...surely... he must know.

Draven smiled. "I was just making sure, that's all. Your mother, in Gryffindor, and your father, in Ravenclaw. Both of my parents were in the Ravenclaw as well. And together, with your father, they were the closest knit friends."

Ravenclaw? I wondered what soured in the Crowley family blood that made a Slytherin come from a family of two Ravenclaws.

He then sneered at me. "I see you took after your mother."

I pushed tears down with anger. "If you came here to just reminisce about days we never even-"

He didn't even listen to me. "Your mother ruined it for the three of them. If it wasn't for her, your father would have never betrayed my parents, and they'd still be the best of friends and your darling little parents would still be alive."

I was in his face before he even said the word 'alive.' Outside I heard thunder clap and saw lightning flash from the nearby window. So many emotions raged inside of me, like a storm. Anger, sadness. Disgust. "I don't know who you think you are, Draven," I nearly growled through gritted teeth. I also had my wand out, and it was against his throat. The look on his face told me that yes, he was looking to get me mad, but no, he was not expecting this much of a reaction. Although he tried to stay dignified, I could read the fear painted across him. I continued. "But if you think that you can ever again speak ill about either of my parents, you will find yourself, severely mistaken." I stayed that close to him for a couple more seconds, and then stepped back, my wand still in my hand.

Once I was a spitting distance away, Draven's smug look returned to him. "Honestly, you think you're so mighty and scary. That Gryffindor mother head of yours must really get to you."

I didn't even have to respond. My eyes stared at him, already infused what I felt was hatred towards him, as thunder outside boomed, speaking my anger for me.

"This isn't over," Draven mumbled, and walked off.

The moment I was left alone, the anger subsided to the more prevalent force: sadness.
No. No, don't you dare be out in the open and succumb to sadness. I turned whichever way my body told me to go and my feet took off, having me follow them through some of the corridors I have found here that took me all over the school in much less time than it usually would have. I didn't know where I was going. The walls around me were just walls, nothing had exceptional details. There was nothing significant. It was just there, as am I. And so I just walked and walked and walked. And then I jogged and jogged and jogged. and then I ran and ran and ran. And ran and ran through that castle. I wanted to stop. This was stupid. Trying to run away from what I was feeling.

Like I could do that. Confined in these walls.

Finally, my feet stopped me. I looked around, and realized I was nearby the Astronomy Tower. I was in a hallway, and the whole place glowed in a low and dull blue. Off to the left of me there was a suit of armour, standing with his lance and surrounded by shadows. Across from it on the right was a window, and in front of it was a higher flooring with two steps leading up to it. I stood, staring out the window, as I seemed to do a lot. I don't know why I do so much. I just sometimes, I feel pulled by the sky sometimes. It was raining still, only now harder. I brought my hand up to my cheek, and realized I was crying.

I turned away from the sky, and sat down on the steps that led up to the area near the window. I put my head in my hands and I now could feel the tears fall out of my eyes. Mother... Father...
I can't remember the last time I let my emotions really take hold of me about this. It's been years.

I wondered if anyone would even notice that I was gone. I wonder if people would notice a Gryffindor missing at dinner, sensing that dinner time was just coming about sooner or later. I didn't really care, but my mind wandered, trying to not get stuck in the past like it seemed to be doing. I'm used to just pushing through and not trying to think of the past. If I did, I would most likely not have been able to get myself here. I mean, think about it. My parents died in front of me. And my foster homes...Well...

I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I had to. I couldn't think like this. I wouldn't let myself do it. I wiped the tears from my eyes, and just sat there with my arms crossed on my legs and my head resting on them. I couldn't think the thoughts I couldn't -

My mother's and father's face flashed before me. The way I last saw them. In a green light, with pain etched across it.

No, I told myself, grinding my teeth. Push that out of my mind. Push it out now. I wouldn't let myself think like this. I couldn't do it. I couldn't -

I heard footsteps running towards me, from down the hall.