Forgive and Forget: A Billie Joe Story

I stare down at Ellie, waiting for Billie to come back withe the notebook. I always promised her she could spend time at my house if she ever needed to get away from everything. How am I supposed to do that now?

I jump slightly as the driver side door opens and Billie drops into the seat. He shuts the door and hands me the notebook with a pocketknife. I take the notebook , gazing at the knife in confusion.

"I found it on her desk by the notebook," he tells me sympathetically, glancing at Ellie's sleeping state. I laid the notebook on my lap and pulled the knife open. I sigh as I see fresh blood lining the blade.

"She needs to stop doing this shit," I mutter, closing the knife and shoving it into my pocket.

"So should we take her back to the hospital?"

"Yeah. Hopefully Robbie is still awake." Billie starts driving and arrives at the hospital in around ten minutes. I move hair out of her face and kiss her forehead, causing her to wake up. She looks down at the notebook, locking her eyes into place.

"Don't show it to him," she whispers. I get a glimpse of Billie watching us, but his attention was more on her.

"I have to, baby," I say, opening the door with the notebook in my free hand. She gets out and stands next to me. Billie gets out, also, and we start walking towards the hospital entrance. In one swift movement, she grabs the notebook out of my hand and tries to run the opposite way, but I'm too fast for her.

I catch her around her waist, spinning so we're facing the hospital. She attempts to push herself away from me, but I hold on to her. She gives up after ten seconds.

"I'm gonna go see him," Billie says, "to tell him she's here." I nod and he walks into the hospital.

"What did you write in here that you're so scared for Robbie to see," I ask, pulling it out of her grasp before she can rip out any pages. I keep one arm securely around her waist and hold the book away from her.

"It's none of your damn business," she says, reaching and struggling to get it back.

"Don't you fucking say it's none of my damn business, Ellie," I growl. She stops and looks up into my eyes. I take a deep breath to calm myself. "I care about you, I love you, I'd give my life for you. I am so scared for you, that you'll do something stupid-"

"Like what?! Kill myself?! Too late for that, Tysen David Marino, I'm already fucking dead!" I stare at her for a few seconds before dropping the notebook on the ground and placing both hands on her hips.

"Please stop talking like that, El. I know you're going through a lot and I know how scared you are, but you need to calm down. You need to relax and just... stop." She watches my expression until she looks down at her shoes. She doesn't reply, so I bend down and pick the notebook back up off the ground. I take her hand and lead her over to the curb and sit.

"Don't we need to go in," she asks quietly.

"I'm reading what you wrote tonight," I say, fanning through the pages until they stop, then go back to the last page.

"Please don't-" I look at her, narrowing my eyes. She looks away quickly as I turn back to the page.

So now he knows about the notebook...

Yeah, so? It's his fault, anyway. We both know that.

I know, but... I really think this is has been going on for too long.

What? Hating him and wishing I could burn him alive? Nah, I'm gonna keep planning on doing that.

Whatever happened to taking our lives, Chris?

Fuck that, I'd much rather take my anger out on him. Maybe Robbie, too...

What did he ever do to us? All he's been doing is helping us move on!

I don't fucking give two goddamn shits, Gloria! Tysen can go die, too!

DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!

Oh yeah, you love him, don't you? We might as well nickname you Love and I can be Rage.

That doesn't make any sense

You're as thick as a brick, Glory. All I do is bitch and moan about shit, and you seem to love everything.

I don't love everything...

That's bullshit

No it's not! Ugh, shut the hell up already! You think I love Billie Joe?! No! I hate his guts just as much as you do, if not more! I trusted him because he was my father! Now all he's done is fuck my whole life up! Shut up and leave me alone!

Fine. We'll talk later.

I look at Ellie, who apparently has been crying. I close the notebook, dropping it on the pavement again, and pull her close to me.

"I'm going crazy," she says into my shirt.

"No, you're not," I murmur. "You don't know what to do or think right now." After a couple more minutes, I stand and pull her up with me. "He needs to read it." She picks the notebook back up and carries it as we walk into the hospital and back to Robbie's room. Luckily, no one stops us. We walk in and Robbie instantly sees Ellie.

"Um, Tysen, can you and Billie maybe go to the lobby and get coffee or something," he asks us. "I think I need to talk to Ellie alone." I nod and leave with Billie, shutting the door behind us.