Forgive and Forget: A Billie Joe Story

I flinch when the door shuts. I glance at Robbie, but quickly look away when I see him staring at me.

"Look at me," he murmurs. I don't listen. "Come on, El, please just look at me." After seconds of hesitation, I look up from under my hair. His eyes squint a little, but not as if he was trying to see clearer. It looked like he cringed when he saw my bloodshot eyes and mascara streaked cheeks. He motions for me to go over to him so I walk to his bedside. He moves over a little and wraps his arm around my hips to pull me down next to him. He looks at the notebook, but then returns his gaze on my eyes. "Why were you at the cemetery?"

"You know why-," I try saying but he cuts me off.

"I want you to tell me." I swallow and take a deep breath.

"I went to see my mother's grave," I whisper almost inaudibly. He soothingly moves his thumb back and forth on my side.

"Why? What was the reason you told Tysen?"

"To reming=d myself of what I lost." He tries to take the notebook out of my hands, but I don't let go.

"Ellie," he demands, but not too harshly. I reluctantly hand it to him. He lays it on his lap and opens it to the page Tysen had just read. I see his eyes run over my words. When he finishes, he closes his eyes and lets out a breath he was holding.

"This is really what goes through your head? All of this..." He shakes his head and looks at me. "I'm not gonna lie, you're scaring the shit out of me."

"I know," I say, feeling even more tears come to my eyes.

"Then why are you doing this?! Threatening yourself is basically like you threatening to take my life, too!" I stare at him, eyes wide with shock.

"What do you mean-"

"Linda's gone! Everyone knows that! You're all I have left, Ellie! You're the only thing keeping me sane right now!" My breath catches in my throat as the fear I've been repressing creeps up my back and locks up every joint I have. Robbie notices my sudden tenseness.

"Robbie, I..." I trail off and I can't find my voice to finish the sentence. His eyes mirror the same thing that's showing in my eyes: fear.

"I'm not going to do what you're father did to you, okay? Please get that out of your head, I'm trying to ignore the fact that you could turn at any moment but it's getting harder by the second," he whispers urgently, trying to keep his voice low so he doesn't scare me again.

"Can Tysen take me home," I ask as quiet as I can manage. He nods.

"Yeah, text him and tell him to come up here. I need to talk to him a little first." I pull my cell out of my pocket and do as Robbie told me. About a minute later, Tysen walks in with Billie behind him.

"You need to talk to me," Ty asks.

"Yeah," Robbie says, turning to me. "Could you wait with Billie out in the hall?" I stand and walk away from him, feeling an immense feeling of relief washing over me. I walk out to the hall with Billie, shutting the door behind us. We look at each other and immediately press our ears to the door.

"She needs to go back to Susan as soon as possible," Robbie says. "Everything that's happened has stopped her from being able to freely talk about-"

"What about us," Tysen asks. "Why can't she talk to us?"

"She's too scared to talk about it to us, Ty. When she was sitting here, I don't think I've ever seen her so scared or nervous."

"And we both know why she can't talk to Billie Joe about anything."

"Exactly. Just don't make her feel like she's under too much pressure, okay?"

"All right. Can I stay the night again?"

"Well considering it's around three in the morning, I guess you might as well should."

"Well, could I stay with you guys for more than just tonight?"

"Of course. Did something happen at home?"

"Well, I guess..."

"Tell me about it, we have time before you drive her home."

"Nathan called, yelling at me because I spend too much time with Ellie."

"That's it?"

"No, he, uh... he kicked me out."

My jaw drops.