I Always Knew

I knew something was wrong the moment he said those four words, ‘We need to talk’. Those words never meant anything good. So I tried my hardest not to cry as Zacky sat me on the couch, his eyes never meeting mine. And then he said the sex even worse words, ‘I think we should break up’.

I think I stared at my feet for a good five minutes. At the moment I was remembering the night we’d met. I’d never liked Zacky because of his fame or money. When we’d met, all I remember thinking that whole time, was how absolutely adorable he was. My mind, my wonderful logical mind had been screaming at me all night not to get involved with him, it couldn’t end well. I ignored my mind, and did what my body wanted, sought after him.

Now I was mad; mad and ashamed for not listening to myself. For not doing what I should have. I also knew I should have never let him kiss me. But what did I do; the complete opposite. I let him press me against the wall. I let his lips slant across mine. I let him hold me.

We were too different, him and I.

“Why’d you pick me?” I asked, quietly, breaking the silence, “You knew we were too different.”

“You did, too. You could have stopped me any time, Lane.”

“I wanted you because you were different, Zack,” I sighed, hiding my face from his speculation, “It scared me, a bit, how wild you were; and how free you are.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t take it anymore; the restrictions.”

“I’m sorry I tried to change you. If I really did love you I wouldn’t have tried. Now I’m just another one on your list.”

“I really am sorry,” Zack said, pulling me in to his chest, “I do love you, Lane. You’re an amazing girl. But I think we both know we’re not for each other.”

I laughed lightly against his chest, “I’m warning you now.”

“About what?”

“When I see you again, I’m going to die.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’ll see her, on your arm, where I used to be. I’ll want you all over again. I’m a gorgeously jealous ex-girlfriend, Zack.”

“We’ll manage,” Zack chuckled.

The feelings, the memories, came washing back through me. The late-night conversations, the sweet kisses, the love, all of it, even the inane fights.

Ichabod panted over to us. I’d always liked the dog. Now I picked him up in my arms, caressing his curly, black fur.

“I’ll miss you, Icky. I won’t have anyone to lick my face at four in the morning anymore. Be it dog or boy,” I smirked at Zack.

“You liked it,” Zack joked.

“I guess I’ll be going now,” I sighed, letting go of Ichabod.

Zack followed me to the door. Turning towards him, I smiled, “I should have never let you kiss me.”

“Can I, just once more?” Zack asked, his green eyes hopeful.

I nodded my head lightly, not wanting to ruin it with unsubstantial words. Zacky leaned down slowly, allowing his lips to lightly graze mine. His kisses were like a drug to me, and this was the last I’d ever get of them. When he pulled away I sighed.

“I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend. I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them.”

And then I left.