Almost Lover.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Every moment of our time together projects onto my sleeping eyes, I toss and turn every night wondering where we went wrong and whether it was my fault. I stare at the mirror each morning, scrutinising the mirror for an excuse as to why you wouldn’t want me. Before I fall into my slumber, I stare into the same mirror hoping to see the girl you ‘re in love with to be reflected back, but it’s always me.
I’ve cried over every possible excuse you have for acting like you do, mascara trails as I regret letting you make me feel so wanted and like you actually cared for me. I think back to your arms around me on the coldest days, and I feel a fire with a flame so crimson alight within my body which burns out the icicles; I forget they were there to begin with because all I can think about is you.
And for what? For you to look ‘hard’ in front of your friends? To look like you’re irresistible to everyone? To make out you have to fight off girls? Come off it. You never expected me to find out, but our social lives are weaved together with the precision of a spiders web. I can’t escape the webs, I’m too tangled within them to leave you in the past. I don’t think I will be able to erase those four months
Those four months where we’d stay up talking about anything and everything, you’d bring reasoning to the most strangest songs; you’d bring out the poetic meaning to them and it would all make complete sense. I’d fail tests because I had been too busy texting you underneath the desk in class. I know you talked about me to all your friends, not a day would go by without one of them somehow communicating with me, and they’d all recall the good things about me that you had told them.
All of this made me fall deeper and deeper, the smile on my face became permanent; I became bullet proof to everything that came my way. I was invincible, and you were my shield. But when that shield disappeared, so did my confidence and pride. I no longer cared about anything because the one thing that made everything worthwhile was just another lie in my life and my whole world shattered apart.
I guess you never realised there’s two of us involved. And whilst you’re able to walk away with barely a scar, I can feel the blood falling through my body, through the gaping gap where my heart was once protected. The gushing blood puts strain on my lungs and I struggle to survive on the oxygen you breathe. It’s the only connection I have to you, the comfort that somewhere you’re breathing for two hearts…. Ours.
I’ve always been a sceptic when it came to love; always ran away from any situation that revolved around the touchy subject as I never wanted to get involved but now that the time is right it’s nowhere to be seen.
The only thing not letting me leave is that I know together we’d make something beautiful. Your freckles and my scars would form sentences of a language only us could understand, and as time goes on novels will be filled to remind us of just how much we mean to each other. Your tinted skin would bring colour to my canvas skin and your fingers would slip between mine like a jigsaw piece; like your hands were destined to hold onto mine…
But now I’m giving up on that, to save myself from getting hurt and to save my mind. If you’re going to be how you are just because of your friends, then you might as well stay with them and live your life through them. I may have been the first girl to fall for you but that’s no excuse for treating me like this, experience or not. So I guess this is the end.
Goodbye, my almost lover.
I’ve cried over every possible excuse you have for acting like you do, mascara trails as I regret letting you make me feel so wanted and like you actually cared for me. I think back to your arms around me on the coldest days, and I feel a fire with a flame so crimson alight within my body which burns out the icicles; I forget they were there to begin with because all I can think about is you.
And for what? For you to look ‘hard’ in front of your friends? To look like you’re irresistible to everyone? To make out you have to fight off girls? Come off it. You never expected me to find out, but our social lives are weaved together with the precision of a spiders web. I can’t escape the webs, I’m too tangled within them to leave you in the past. I don’t think I will be able to erase those four months
Those four months where we’d stay up talking about anything and everything, you’d bring reasoning to the most strangest songs; you’d bring out the poetic meaning to them and it would all make complete sense. I’d fail tests because I had been too busy texting you underneath the desk in class. I know you talked about me to all your friends, not a day would go by without one of them somehow communicating with me, and they’d all recall the good things about me that you had told them.
All of this made me fall deeper and deeper, the smile on my face became permanent; I became bullet proof to everything that came my way. I was invincible, and you were my shield. But when that shield disappeared, so did my confidence and pride. I no longer cared about anything because the one thing that made everything worthwhile was just another lie in my life and my whole world shattered apart.
I guess you never realised there’s two of us involved. And whilst you’re able to walk away with barely a scar, I can feel the blood falling through my body, through the gaping gap where my heart was once protected. The gushing blood puts strain on my lungs and I struggle to survive on the oxygen you breathe. It’s the only connection I have to you, the comfort that somewhere you’re breathing for two hearts…. Ours.
I’ve always been a sceptic when it came to love; always ran away from any situation that revolved around the touchy subject as I never wanted to get involved but now that the time is right it’s nowhere to be seen.
The only thing not letting me leave is that I know together we’d make something beautiful. Your freckles and my scars would form sentences of a language only us could understand, and as time goes on novels will be filled to remind us of just how much we mean to each other. Your tinted skin would bring colour to my canvas skin and your fingers would slip between mine like a jigsaw piece; like your hands were destined to hold onto mine…
But now I’m giving up on that, to save myself from getting hurt and to save my mind. If you’re going to be how you are just because of your friends, then you might as well stay with them and live your life through them. I may have been the first girl to fall for you but that’s no excuse for treating me like this, experience or not. So I guess this is the end.
Goodbye, my almost lover.