Holding On

Joseph had never meant for it to escalate so far as cutting. He couldn’t help it though, he needed to do it. It was as though the thoughts of Camilla trickled out of his wrist with the blood. It was freeing. Although Joseph knew it was wrong and dangerous, he could not stop. No one knew. No one could ever know. They'd probably try to make him see a shrink or something. Joseph didn't want to talk anyone about the cutting. He wasn't stupid enough to take it too far and if he didn't take it too far then there was no reason to talk to anyone about it. It wasn't as though he wanted to kill himself.

"Joseph?" his mother called, standing in his bedroom door.

"What?" he called back without emotion.

"I was just talking to Kate Harrison, Shawn's mom, and I guess Shawn isn't making very many friends in school. Do you think you could take her out? Show her around town? She needs someone," Denise told her son, walking forward and lightly sitting on the edge of his bed, "and you could use to get some fresh air."

“School?” Joe repeated, slightly confused.

“Shawn’s a senior at Oakwood Secondary. Starting a new school at that age is tough. Everyone’s already made friends and cliques have been formed. Help out her out? For me?” Denise asked.

“If I have to,” he mumbled, wondering how he hadn’t noticed that she was younger than him.

Joseph found it hard to believe Shawn couldn't make friends. She was beautiful. Long fiery red hair and big green doe eyes; the boys should have been lining up. And she didn't seem shy. She'd openly called him an asshole in the park the other day. By his way of thinking, Shawn could have been the most popular girl in school. He didn't want to hang out with her. She was pretty, but other than that, Joseph didn't really like her. He'd rather stay in bed and sulk all day. He knew his mom wouldn't take no for answer though, so he reluctantly agreed. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He could just hang out with her for a little bit, and he didn't even have to say much, and then he could come home and be rid of her. It would have to do. The keys to his Mercedes were on the counter so he took them and headed outside, trying to remember the directions his mother had given him to get Shawn’s house. It was only a few streets over so it didn’t take too long.

"So what's there to do around here?" Shawn asked, sounding just as enthusiastic as Joe felt.

"Movies?" he asked. He wouldn't even have to talk to her if they saw a movie.

"Sure, I guess," she responded.

Shawn was sitting in the passenger's seat and looking around subtly at the interior of Joe’s G500. He wondered if she though it was too showy and then he wondered why he even cared what she thought. Maybe they should’ve just walked. The movie theater was just blocks away, they could have walked, but Joseph didn't want to. The less time he spent with Shawn the better. At the theater they decided on Invictus. Rugby was cool, Joe supposed. He looked at his feet while standing next to Shawn in the concessions line. It took the guy behind the counter a minute to get their bucket of popcorn but when he did he held it out to Joe. Joseph reached up to grab it and the sleeve of his sweatshirt rolled back just a little. Little red lines striped his wrist and he knew Shawn had seen them. At least he thought she had, although she wasn't saying anything. Apparently she just hadn't wanted to say anything where someone might hear.

"Is it because of Camilla?" she asked as the lights dimmed in the theater.

Joe paled. How did she know that?